300 Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh | Keep Inspiring Me - Deepstash
LESLIE NIELSEN

“Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.”

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Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life.

300 Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh | Keep Inspiring Me

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OSCAR WILDE

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ”

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JEAN ROSTAND

“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.”

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ALBERT EINSTEIN

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

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DON MARQUIS

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”

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WINNIE THE POOH

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”

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DANIEL J. BOORSTIN

“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.”

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MIKE BECHTLE

“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.”

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ZIG ZIGLAR

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”

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BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.”

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CHARLES LAMB

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

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OSCAR WILDE

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”

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MITCH HEDBERG

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”

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DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER

“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

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GORE VIDAL

“It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.”

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BOB HOPE

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

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WILL FERRELL

“Before you marry a person, you should at least make them use a computer with a slow internet connection to find out who they really are.”

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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?”

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JUDITH MARTIN

“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”

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TINA FEY

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.”

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DALAI LAMA

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”

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JERRY SEINFELD

“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”

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