Children that are raised in the same house are not noticeably more alike in how successful they are or how happy or self-reliant they are.

One child might find structure in the house helpful. Her sister might find it stifling. One child might think his parents are caring for asking questions. His brother might view it as nosy. But just because an event doesn't shape people in the same way doesn't mean it has no effect. Your parenting does shape your children, just not in ways that lead them to be the same.

• Parents do matter. But how they matter is complex and difficult to predict. 
• For any parent, stop blaming yourself. You are not that in control of your child's path. You have influence, but you don't have control. For anyone who has ever been a child, stop blaming your parents. Stop blaming other parents.
• Appreciate how powerful the moments can be because of what they mean for you and your child right now, not because of what they mean for your child in the long term.
• We can be less sad if we are more realistic and let go of the idea that our children's futures are in our control.