Learn more about communication with this collection
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Develop Your Self-awareness
- Learn to manage your own emotions.Â
- Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they come up.
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Be Assertive and Set Boundaries
An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions.Â
- Seek self-control, be fair and reasonable, take on the part of the problem that belongs to you, and keep the rest of the problem where it belongs--with the difficult person.
- Set limits and stand up for yourself so others won't take advantage.Â
- Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (these tend to lead to attack and blame).
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Listen
- Give the difficult person a chance to finish without interrupting.Â
- Ask clarifying questions if confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to check the accuracy of hearing.
- Acknowledge the other person's feelings. So, if the other person is angry, say, "You must be feeling very frustrated..."
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Give Feedback
- Maintain comfortable eye contact.Â
- Remain open-minded.
- Pay attention to non-verbal signals as a way of reading the person's feeling state.
- Use an "I" statement of feeling. Ex: "I feel like this decision violates our trust."
- Request what you'd like to happen differently the next time. If you want things to change, you'll probably need to provide a little guidance.Â
- Focus on the difficult person's behavior and never make it about the person.
- Feedback should always be focused on win-win.
- Get agreement about a plan of action, and commitment on both your parts to follow through.
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