F.O.B.O is our inability to decide between different options all of which are decent. It can lead us to paralysis when we’re in the process of making a decision.
F.O.B.O. means obsessively researching every possible alternative, when faced with a decision, fearing we’ll miss out on the best one. It can lead to indecision, regret and is a serious threat to our happiness.

Fear of Better Options (F.O.B.O.)

For F.O.B.O. to happen, you have to have multiple options. It is mostly a consequence of our world in which everything seems possible.

What Causes F.O.B.O.

To beat FOBO, find the Mostly Fine Decision. This is the outcome you’d be ok with, even if it’s not the absolute best possible one.

Mostly Fine Decision

For the important things you have to consider, think like a venture capitalist: jot down everything you can on the subject you're trying to decide on ( the pros, cons for example) and read it out loud. 
This is almost like writing an investment memo for a V.C. investment: for this situation, the investment is of your time, money, energy, etc.

Thinking Like  Venture Capitalist

The Fear of Better Options is always out there, but you can get around it.<figure><img src="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/07/30/smarter-living/30sl-newsletter1/30sl-newsletter1-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&amp;auto=webp&amp;disable=upscale" srcset="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/07/30/smarter-living/30sl-newsletter1/30sl-newsletter1-articleLarge.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 600w, https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/07/30/smarter-living/30sl-newsletter1/30sl-newsletter1-jumbo.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 1024w, https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/07/30/smarter-living/30sl-newsletter1/30sl-newsletter1-superJumbo.jpg?quality=90&amp;auto=webp 2048w" width="600" height="400"><figcaption dir="auto">Credit...
Alastair Grant/Associated Press</figcaption></figure><img alt="Tim Herrera" title="Tim Herrera" src="https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/12/07/multimedia/author-tim-herrera/author-tim-herrera-thumbLarge.png" width="50" height="50"><UL><LI><time datetime="2018-07-30T00:34:41-04:00">July 30, 2018</time></LI></UL>Welcome to the Smarter Living newsletter. The editor, <a href="https://twitter.com/timherrera" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Tim Herrera</a>, emails readers with tips and advice for living a better, more fulfilling life. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/newsletters/smarter-living" title="" dir="ltr">Sign up here</a> to get it in your inbox.<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/04/smarter-living/how-to-finally-just-make-a-decision.html" title="" dir="ltr">Earlier this summer we talked about F.O.B.O.</a> — the Fear of Better Options — and how it can sometimes lead us to paralysis when we’re trying to make a decision.To refresh, F.O.B.O. gives a name to that spiral we fall into when we obsessively research every possible option when faced with a decision, fearing we’ll miss out on the “best” one. It can lead to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201506/satisficing-vs-maximizing" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">indecision (duh), regret and even lower levels of happiness</a>. One of the solutions I threw out was finding the Mostly Fine Decision — the outcome you’d be fine with, even if it’s not the absolute best possible outcome.Hundreds of readers emailed and tweeted saying they recognized their own behavior, but one reader email in particular caught my attention: a note from Patrick McGinnis. AdvertisementAs it happens, Mr. McGinnis <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20180625002827/http://www.harbus.org/2004/social-theory-at-hbs-2749/" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">coined the term F.O.B.O</a>. — along with its undoubtedly more ubiquitous cousin, F.O.M.O., the Fear of Missing Out — in 2003 when he was a student at Harvard Business School. So this week I’ve asked Mr. McGinnis, now an investor, author and host of the podcast “<a href="http://fomosapiens.life/" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">FOMO</a> Sapiens,” to spill his secrets about F.O.B.O. (and what he’s feeling it about right now).Tweet me <a href="https://twitter.com/timherrera" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">@timherrera</a> or email <a href="mailto:tim@nytimes.com" title="" dir="ltr">tim@nytimes.com</a> your best tips for beating indecision!This interview has been edited for space and clarity.<UL><LI>Thanks for reading The Times.</LI></UL>Tim Herrera: Hi, Patrick, thanks so much for, ahem, making the decision to spend time chatting with me today!Patrick McGinnis: I logged off Facebook, checked out of Instagram and turned off my phone just for this occasion.TH: So you coined F.O.B.O. 15 years ago. What’s it all about?PM: F.O.B.O., the sister term of F.O.M.O., came out of my experience as a student at Harvard Business School. I noticed that my classmates and I were always optimizing. We hedged, lived in a world of maybes and were paralyzed at the prospect of actually committing to something, out of fear that we might be choosing something that wasn’t the absolutely perfect option. AdvertisementTH: It is paralyzing. Without getting too into the weeds, what are some of the underlying causes that contribute to our feeling F.O.B.O.?PM: I see F.O.B.O. as an affliction of affluence. In order to have F.O.B.O. you must, by definition, have options. It is a byproduct of a hyper-busy, hyper-connected world in which everything seems possible, and, as a result, you are spoiled for choice. It’s also driven by narcissism. People with F.O.B.O. put themselves and their needs and wants squarely around the people around them — all of the people who are adversely affected by their F.O.B.O. TH: You also coined another four-letter acronym I love: F.O.D.A. Can you talk about that?PM: Well, a note of warning to any Brazilian readers: F.O.D.A. is a swear word in Portuguese, but my meaning is G-rated. When you have F.O.B.O. (and particularly when you combine it with F.O.M.O.), your paralysis turns into a Fear of Doing Anything. You are a deer in the headlights. TH: How can people beat their F.O.B.O. and F.O.D.A.?PM: It’s all about being decisive. I have two helpful tips I use almost every day:1. For everyday things, I do what I call “Ask the Watch.” I whittle something down to two options and then assign each item to a side of my watch. Then I look down and see where the second hand is at that moment. Decision made. It sounds silly, but if you try it — asking the universe — you will thank me.2. For the big things, I try to think like a venture capitalist. I write everything down on the topic — pros, cons, etc. — and I read it out loud. That process is basically like writing an investment memo for a V.C. investment, but in this case the investment is of your time, money, energy, etc.TH: I love those! And I love that you, the person who named these concepts, struggle with them, too. What’s the most recent thing you had F.O.B.O. over, and what did you do?PM: I just had the pleasure of spending time in Ethiopia, for work. On the way back home, I stopped in Istanbul, one of my favorite cities in the world. To pick my hotel, I used three apps, four websites and probably invested six days. I knew I had F.O.B.O., I name-and-shamed myself, but I just couldn’t break out of it. AdvertisementTH: And how did you finally pick a hotel?PM: After considering sleeping on the banks of the Bosporus, I asked the watch.TH: Last question: What are you feeling F.O.M.O. about right now?PM: For me, it’s always travel. I love exploring new places, and whenever someone goes someplace I haven’t been, it drives me nuts. A friend of mine just had a very scary situation in which her plane was diverted to Djibouti. After learning she was O.K. and thinking about how scary that had to be for her, a little part of me was like, ugh, so jealous, she got to go to Djibouti. But, as your Brazilian readers will tell you, having that kind of F.O.M.O. is total F.O.D.A.<h2>Best of Smarter Living</h2><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/24/well/when-we-eat-or-dont-eat-may-be-critical-for-health.html" title="" dir="ltr">When We Eat, or Don’t Eat, May Be Critical for Health</a> A growing body of research suggests that our bodies function optimally when we align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythms.<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html" title="" dir="ltr">How to Revive a Friendship</a> It can be disorienting to feel you’re back at square one with a person you already have a shared history with. Here’s some help.<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/25/well/how-not-to-let-your-phone-ruin-your-vacation.html" title="" dir="ltr">How Not to Let Your Phone Ruin Your Vacation</a> Strategies for traveling without letting your phone keep you from enjoying your trip.<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/20/business/buyout-offer-tempting-risky.html" title="" dir="ltr">A Buyout Offer Sounds Tempting but Risky</a> Your company says layoffs are coming, but is offering a generous package to those who leave voluntarily. Should you try to keep your job, or take the money and run?Advertisement<h2>Tip of the Week </h2>This week I’ve invited S.L. regular <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/by/kristin-wong" title="" dir="ltr">Kristin Wong</a> to teach us the smart way to stay connected while on vacation.Let’s say you’re traveling and you witness the most breathtaking scenery of your life as the sun sets in Santorini. If you’re anything like me, you almost instinctively reach for your phone to share this moment on Instagram. It’s a habit that can kind of kill your travel experience, said Dr. Alixandra Barasch, an assistant professor of marketing at the Stern School of Business at N.Y.U. <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucx112/4627834?redirectedFrom=fulltext" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">In a recent study</a>, she found that when people take photos with the goal to share — as opposed to taking photos to capture memories — they enjoy experiences less. No need for a digital detox, though. You can stay connected and still enjoy your vacation! Here’s how to get the best of both worlds.Establish a 24-hour ruleDr. Barasch suggested a 24-hour rule: Force yourself to wait a day before sharing any photos you’ve taken during your trip. This relieves the pressure to share immediately so you can stay present in the moment.Keep a close audienceWe’re more concerned with impressing strangers than people who already know us, and that pressure takes us out of the experience, Dr. Barasch said. Consider making your social accounts private so that only close friends can see your uploads. Share from your desktop“Keep your social media habits contained to your desktop computer,” Dr. Barasch suggested. Delete apps like Facebook and Instagram from your phone, and share your photos when you get home. (For Instagram, apps like <a href="http://windowed.io/" title="" rel="noopener noreferrer" dir="ltr">Windowed</a> can help you do this). “It feels good to share photos with others,” Dr. Barasch said. “But this way, you get the benefit of sharing without the drawbacks.”Advertisement

The Fear of Better Options is always out there, but you can get around it.

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The Fear of Better Options is always out there, but you can get around it.

Welcome to the Smarter Living newsletter. The editor, <a href="https://twitter.com/timherrera">Tim Herrera </a> , emails readers with tips and advice for living a better, more fulfilling life. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/newsletters/smarter-living">Sign up here </a> to get it in your inbox.

<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/04/smarter-living/how-to-finally-just-make-a-decision.html">Earlier this summer we talked about F.O.B.O. </a>— the Fear of Better Options — and how it can sometimes lead us to paralysis when we’re trying to make a decision.

To refresh, F.O.B.O. gives a name to that spiral we fall into when we obsessively research every possible option when faced with a decision, fearing we’ll miss out on the “best” one. It can lead to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201506/satisficing-vs-maximizing">indecision (duh), regret and even lower levels of happiness </a>. One of the solutions I threw out was finding the Mostly Fine Decision — the outcome you’d be fine with, even if it’s not the absolute best possible outcome.

Hundreds of readers emailed and tweeted saying they recognized their own behavior, but one reader email in particular caught my attention: a note from Patrick McGinnis.

As it happens, Mr. McGinnis <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20180625002827/http://www.harbus.org/2004/social-theory-at-hbs-2749/">coined the term F.O.B.O </a>. — along with its undoubtedly more ubiquitous cousin, F.O.M.O., the Fear of Missing Out — in 2003 when he was a student at Harvard Business School. So this week I’ve asked Mr. McGinnis, now an investor, author and host of the podcast “<a href="http://fomosapiens.life/">FOMO </a>Sapiens,” to spill his secrets about F.O.B.O. (and what he’s feeling it about right now).

Tweet me <a href="https://twitter.com/timherrera">@timherrera </a>or email <a href="mailto:tim@nytimes.com">tim@nytimes.com </a>your best tips for beating indecision!

This interview has been edited for space and clarity.

<ul><li>Thanks for reading The Times. </li> </ul>

Tim Herrera: Hi, Patrick, thanks so much for, ahem, making the decision to spend time chatting with me today!

Patrick McGinnis : I logged off Facebook, checked out of Instagram and turned off my phone just for this occasion.

TH : So you coined F.O.B.O. 15 years ago. What’s it all about?

PM : F.O.B.O., the sister term of F.O.M.O., came out of my experience as a student at Harvard Business School. I noticed that my classmates and I were always optimizing. We hedged, lived in a world of maybes and were paralyzed at the prospect of actually committing to something, out of fear that we might be choosing something that wasn’t the absolutely perfect option.

TH : It is paralyzing. Without getting too into the weeds, what are some of the underlying causes that contribute to our feeling F.O.B.O.?

PM : I see F.O.B.O. as an affliction of affluence. In order to have F.O.B.O. you must, by definition, have options. It is a byproduct of a hyper-busy, hyper-connected world in which everything seems possible, and, as a result, you are spoiled for choice. It’s also driven by narcissism. People with F.O.B.O. put themselves and their needs and wants squarely around the people around them — all of the people who are adversely affected by their F.O.B.O.

TH : You also coined another four-letter acronym I love: F.O.D.A. Can you talk about that?

PM : Well, a note of warning to any Brazilian readers: F.O.D.A. is a swear word in Portuguese, but my meaning is G-rated. When you have F.O.B.O. (and particularly when you combine it with F.O.M.O.), your paralysis turns into a Fear of Doing Anything. You are a deer in the headlights.

TH : How can people beat their F.O.B.O. and F.O.D.A.?

PM : It’s all about being decisive. I have two helpful tips I use almost every day:

1. For everyday things, I do what I call “Ask the Watch.” I whittle something down to two options and then assign each item to a side of my watch. Then I look down and see where the second hand is at that moment. Decision made. It sounds silly, but if you try it — asking the universe — you will thank me.

2. For the big things, I try to think like a venture capitalist. I write everything down on the topic — pros, cons, etc. — and I read it out loud. That process is basically like writing an investment memo for a V.C. investment, but in this case the investment is of your time, money, energy, etc.

TH : I love those! And I love that you, the person who named these concepts, struggle with them, too. What’s the most recent thing you had F.O.B.O. over, and what did you do?

PM : I just had the pleasure of spending time in Ethiopia, for work. On the way back home, I stopped in Istanbul, one of my favorite cities in the world. To pick my hotel, I used three apps, four websites and probably invested six days. I knew I had F.O.B.O., I name-and-shamed myself, but I just couldn’t break out of it.

TH : And how did you finally pick a hotel?

PM : After considering sleeping on the banks of the Bosporus, I asked the watch.

TH : Last question: What are you feeling F.O.M.O. about right now?

PM : For me, it’s always travel. I love exploring new places, and whenever someone goes someplace I haven’t been, it drives me nuts. A friend of mine just had a very scary situation in which her plane was diverted to Djibouti. After learning she was O.K. and thinking about how scary that had to be for her, a little part of me was like, ugh, so jealous, she got to go to Djibouti . But, as your Brazilian readers will tell you, having that kind of F.O.M.O. is total F.O.D.A.

<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/24/well/when-we-eat-or-dont-eat-may-be-critical-for-health.html">When We Eat, or Don’t Eat, May Be Critical for Health </a> A growing body of research suggests that our bodies function optimally when we align our eating patterns with our circadian rhythms.

<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/26/smarter-living/how-to-revive-a-friendship.html">How to Revive a Friendship </a> It can be disorienting to feel you’re back at square one with a person you already have a shared history with. Here’s some help.

<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/25/well/how-not-to-let-your-phone-ruin-your-vacation.html">How Not to Let Your Phone Ruin Your Vacation </a> Strategies for traveling without letting your phone keep you from enjoying your trip.

<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/20/business/buyout-offer-tempting-risky.html">A Buyout Offer Sounds Tempting but Risky </a> Your company says layoffs are coming, but is offering a generous package to those who leave voluntarily. Should you try to keep your job, or take the money and run?

This week I’ve invited S.L. regular <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/by/kristin-wong">Kristin Wong </a> to teach us the smart way to stay connected while on vacation.

Let’s say you’re traveling and you witness the most breathtaking scenery of your life as the sun sets in Santorini. If you’re anything like me, you almost instinctively reach for your phone to share this moment on Instagram. It’s a habit that can kind of kill your travel experience, said Dr. Alixandra Barasch, an assistant professor of marketing at the Stern School of Business at N.Y.U. <a href="https://academic.oup.com/jcr/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/jcr/ucx112/4627834?redirectedFrom=fulltext">In a recent study </a>, she found that when people take photos with the goal to share — as opposed to taking photos to capture memories — they enjoy experiences less.

No need for a digital detox, though. You can stay connected and still enjoy your vacation! Here’s how to get the best of both worlds.

Establish a 24-hour rule

Dr. Barasch suggested a 24-hour rule: Force yourself to wait a day before sharing any photos you’ve taken during your trip. This relieves the pressure to share immediately so you can stay present in the moment.

Keep a close audience

We’re more concerned with impressing strangers than people who already know us, and that pressure takes us out of the experience, Dr. Barasch said. Consider making your social accounts private so that only close friends can see your uploads.

Share from your desktop

“Keep your social media habits contained to your desktop computer,” Dr. Barasch suggested. Delete apps like Facebook and Instagram from your phone, and share your photos when you get home. (For Instagram, apps like <a href="http://windowed.io/">Windowed </a>can help you do this).

“It feels good to share photos with others,” Dr. Barasch said. “But this way, you get the benefit of sharing without the drawbacks.”

How to Beat F.O.B.O., From the Expert Who Coined It

Fear of Better Options (F.O.B.O.)

What Causes F.O.B.O.

Mostly Fine Decision

Thinking Like Venture Capitalist

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