"Look on the bright side." Amid a pandemic and widespread social unrest, experts caution us against phrases like these that are not only unhelpful but also toxic.
While cultivating a positive mindset is a good coping mechanism, putting a positive spin as the only way to cope is harmful. It's like forcing more ice cream than you can eat with the hope that you will feel even better.

Forced positivity

Positivity makes people appear more well-adapted and popular with their peers.
The issue is not the people who are genuinely upbeat but when people are forced to appear positive in situations where it's not natural, like illness, homelessness, food insecurity, unemployment, or racial injustice.

Toxic positivity denies reality

Forcing positivity denies a very real sense of despair and hopelessness and alienates those who are struggling.
Internalizing these messages can also be damaging. We judge ourselves for feeling negative and then feel bad for feeling bad. It postpones any healing or move toward problem-solving.

Damaging effects of toxic positivity

Research shows that accepting negative emotions may be more beneficial. Recognize that how you feel is valid. It's okay not to feel okay. Don't feel pressured to attempt lofty tasks such as picking a new hobby. 
Make the best of it by accepting the situation as it is and doing the best you can. If you want to support another person, ask them what kind of support they would like and ensure to validate their emotions.

Addressing negative emotions

<figure><img src="https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=32" alt="Image without a caption" width="705" height="470" srcset="https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=440 440w, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=530 530w, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=691 691w, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=767 767w, https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=https://arc-anglerfish-washpost-prod-washpost.s3.amazonaws.com/public/WB5O3HHBT4I6VAWYLZK5I7UQZI.jpg&amp;w=916 916w"><figcaption dir="auto">(iStock)</figcaption></figure>Think of it as having “a few too many scoops of ice cream,” Dattilo said.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>“It’s really good and it makes us feel better, but you can overdo it,” she said. “Then, it makes us sick.“Or trying to shove ice cream into somebody’s face when they don’t feel like having ice cream,” she continued. “That’s not really going to make them feel better.”With data indicating that anxiety and depression, among other mental health problems, have <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/05/26/americans-with-depression-anxiety-pandemic/?itid=lk_inline_manual_15" title="www.washingtonpost.com" dir="ltr">surged to historic levels</a><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/06/12/mental-health-george-floyd-census/?itid=lk_inline_manual_15" title="www.washingtonpost.com" dir="ltr"> in recent months</a>, adding toxic positivity to the mix may only exacerbate the rising tide of negative emotions by preventing people from working through the serious issues they’re experiencing in a healthy way, experts say.“By far the most common [phrase] is ‘It’s fine,’ ‘It will be fine,’&nbsp;” said Stephanie Preston, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. “You’re stating that there really isn’t a problem that needs to be addressed, period. You’re kind of shutting out the possibility for further contemplation.”The exact origins of the label “toxic positivity” are murky, but Preston said the idea is rooted in American culture, which values positivity.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>“It’s an attractive behavior in people that makes them seem more well adapted and more popular with their peers, so there are a lot of reasons people want to seem or be positive,” said Preston, who specializes in empathy, altruism and the way emotions affect behavior.But people who are genuinely effusive and upbeat aren’t the issue, she said.“It’s a problem when people are forced to seem or be positive in situations where it’s not natural or when there’s a problem that legitimately needs to be addressed that can’t be addressed if you don’t deal with the fact that there is distress or need,” she said.Take, for example, negative emotions stemming from the current state of the country.Denying, minimizing or invalidating those feelings through external pressure or your own thoughts can be “counterproductive and harmful,” Dattilo said.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>“&nbsp;‘Looking on the bright side’ in the face of tragedy of dire situations like illness, homelessness, food insecurity, unemployment or racial injustice is a privilege that not all of us have,” she said. “So promulgating messages of positivity denies a very real sense of despair and hopelessness, and they only serve to alienate and isolate those who are already struggling.”Internalizing such messages can also be damaging, she said.“We judge ourselves for feeling pain, sadness, fear, which then produces feelings of things like shame and guilt,” she said. “We end up just feeling bad about feeling bad. It actually stalls out any healing or progress or problem solving.”Research has shown that accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding or dismissing them, may actually be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run. One<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28703602/" title="pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov" dir="ltr"> 2018 study</a> tested the link between emotional acceptance and psychological health in more than 1,300 adults and found that people who habitually avoid acknowledging challenging emotions can end up feeling worse.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>“People who tend to not judge their feelings, not think about their emotions as good or bad, not try to avoid or put distance between themselves and their emotions, these people tend to have better mental health across the board,” said Brett Ford, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and the study’s lead author.Desperately wanting to feel happy can leave people experiencing what Ford calls a “meta-emotion,” or “an emotion about an emotion.” That meta-emotion is often disappointment, she said, because you aren’t as happy as you want to be.“Those moments of essentially negativity accumulate over time and can damage mental health,” she said.There are a number of ways to address negative feelings without falling into toxic positivity, according to experts.It’s important for people to normalize and label their experiences while removing any expectations and goals that they should feel better than they do, Dattilo said.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>“Recognize that how you feel is valid, no matter what,” she said, later adding, “It’s okay not to be okay.”Jaime Zuckerman, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Philadelphia, recommended <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/03/20/teaching-our-kids-ourselves-mindfulness-get-us-through-conronavirus-anxiety/?itid=lk_inline_manual_42" title="www.washingtonpost.com" dir="ltr">mindfulness techniques</a> that allow people to sit with their emotions.“There is no rush to have to do something to get out of the present moment,” Zuckerman said. “In fact, the more that you do that, the more discomfort and anxiety you’ll feel. It’s okay not feeling okay, and it’s okay not knowing what to do with yourself in that moment.”She also encouraged people to set personal goals focused on behaviors instead of feelings.“Not ‘I want to be happier’ because happier is an emotion, but if I had a video camera on you, what would you be doing that I could see that I would know you were happy?” she said.<div aria-hidden="true">AD</div>But Zuckerman cautioned against feeling pressure to tackle lofty tasks such as picking up a new hobby or learning a foreign language — activities that have been <a href="https://twitter.com/TheJeremyHaynes/status/1245767684484202496" title="twitter.com" dir="ltr">promoted on social media</a> during the pandemic as people have rushed to reframe <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/02/28/what-you-need-know-about-coronavirus/?itid=lk_inline_manual_48" dir="ltr">coronavirus</a> lockdowns as a positive experience.

Excessive forced happiness exacerbates negative emotions and prevents people with genuine problems from working through them.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Psychology

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Personal Development

health

Health

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Mental Health

Think of it as having “a few too many scoops of ice cream,” Dattilo said.

“It’s really good and it makes us feel better, but you can overdo it,” she said. “Then, it makes us sick.

“Or trying to shove ice cream into somebody’s face when they don’t feel like having ice cream,” she continued. “That’s not really going to make them feel better.”

With data indicating that anxiety and depression, among other mental health problems, have <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/05/26/americans-with-depression-anxiety-pandemic/?itid=lk_inline_manual_15">surged to historic levels </a><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/06/12/mental-health-george-floyd-census/?itid=lk_inline_manual_15">in recent months </a>, adding toxic positivity to the mix may only exacerbate the rising tide of negative emotions by preventing people from working through the serious issues they’re experiencing in a healthy way, experts say.

“By far the most common [phrase] is ‘It’s fine,’ ‘It will be fine,’ ” said Stephanie Preston, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. “You’re stating that there really isn’t a problem that needs to be addressed, period. You’re kind of shutting out the possibility for further contemplation.”

The exact origins of the label “toxic positivity” are murky, but Preston said the idea is rooted in American culture, which values positivity.

“It’s an attractive behavior in people that makes them seem more well adapted and more popular with their peers, so there are a lot of reasons people want to seem or be positive,” said Preston, who specializes in empathy, altruism and the way emotions affect behavior.

But people who are genuinely effusive and upbeat aren’t the issue, she said.

“It’s a problem when people are forced to seem or be positive in situations where it’s not natural or when there’s a problem that legitimately needs to be addressed that can’t be addressed if you don’t deal with the fact that there is distress or need,” she said.

Take, for example, negative emotions stemming from the current state of the country.

Denying, minimizing or invalidating those feelings through external pressure or your own thoughts can be “counterproductive and harmful,” Dattilo said.

“ ‘Looking on the bright side’ in the face of tragedy of dire situations like illness, homelessness, food insecurity, unemployment or racial injustice is a privilege that not all of us have,” she said. “So promulgating messages of positivity denies a very real sense of despair and hopelessness, and they only serve to alienate and isolate those who are already struggling.”

Internalizing such messages can also be damaging, she said.

“We judge ourselves for feeling pain, sadness, fear, which then produces feelings of things like shame and guilt,” she said. “We end up just feeling bad about feeling bad. It actually stalls out any healing or progress or problem solving.”

Research has shown that accepting negative emotions, rather than avoiding or dismissing them, may actually be more beneficial for a person’s mental health in the long run. One<a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28703602/">2018 study </a>tested the link between emotional acceptance and psychological health in more than 1,300 adults and found that people who habitually avoid acknowledging challenging emotions can end up feeling worse.

“People who tend to not judge their feelings, not think about their emotions as good or bad, not try to avoid or put distance between themselves and their emotions, these people tend to have better mental health across the board,” said Brett Ford, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto and the study’s lead author.

Desperately wanting to feel happy can leave people experiencing what Ford calls a “meta-emotion,” or “an emotion about an emotion.” That meta-emotion is often disappointment, she said, because you aren’t as happy as you want to be.

“Those moments of essentially negativity accumulate over time and can damage mental health,” she said.

There are a number of ways to address negative feelings without falling into toxic positivity, according to experts.

It’s important for people to normalize and label their experiences while removing any expectations and goals that they should feel better than they do, Dattilo said.

“Recognize that how you feel is valid, no matter what,” she said, later adding, “It’s okay not to be okay.”

Jaime Zuckerman, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Philadelphia, recommended <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020/03/20/teaching-our-kids-ourselves-mindfulness-get-us-through-conronavirus-anxiety/?itid=lk_inline_manual_42">mindfulness techniques </a>that allow people to sit with their emotions.

“There is no rush to have to do something to get out of the present moment,” Zuckerman said. “In fact, the more that you do that, the more discomfort and anxiety you’ll feel. It’s okay not feeling okay, and it’s okay not knowing what to do with yourself in that moment.”

She also encouraged people to set personal goals focused on behaviors instead of feelings.

“Not ‘I want to be happier’ because happier is an emotion, but if I had a video camera on you, what would you be doing that I could see that I would know you were happy?” she said.

But Zuckerman cautioned against feeling pressure to tackle lofty tasks such as picking up a new hobby or learning a foreign language — activities that have been <a href="https://twitter.com/TheJeremyHaynes/status/1245767684484202496">promoted on social media </a>during the pandemic as people have rushed to reframe <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/02/28/what-you-need-know-about-coronavirus/?itid=lk_inline_manual_48">coronavirus </a>lockdowns as a positive experience.

Time to ditch ‘toxic positivity,’ experts say: ‘It’s okay not to be okay’

Forced positivity

Toxic positivity denies reality

Damaging effects of toxic positivity

Addressing negative emotions

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