When preparing to tell someone what they did wrong, avoid using qualifications like "With all due respect," "No offense," or "Don't take this the wrong way" to soften criticism.

Never qualify

... and if you must amplify your message, say where your data came from. Never try to simultaneously be a good cop and a bad cop. Make it clear that your goal is constructive change.

Say what the problem is

... when telling someone they're wrong.Be concrete and don't sermonize, even if the person that's receiving your criticism knows she did something wrong.

Ambiguity is your enemy

Objectivity is crucial to constructive criticism.The goal is to communicate that a performance standard has not been met. Your sentiments/judgments are irrelevant.

Deal in facts

For example, in saying "You were lazy in preparing this report" you may think you are helping the other person to improve a skills; instead, it addresses your assumption about the person's attitude toward their work.

Focus on behavior, not character

Criticism without an action plan is worthless. Give people direction or keep your mouth shut.

Show them the way

If people feel you support their fundamental views and value them, the change will be easy and natural.

Let the fixes feel like their own

<div>
There are plenty of reasons not to tell someone they're wrong. It's uncomfortable, for one thing. You also might come off as rigid, unsympathetic, arrogant, or worst of all, politically incorrect.
In some cases, depending on how much alcohol is involved, you might even get smacked in the mouth.
Here's what all the touchy-feely folks out there don't get about constructive criticism: It's invaluable. The important thing is how you deliver it.
Everyone makes honest mistakes. What most people don't realize is that embedded in criticism--constructively conveyed--is the wish to help someone get better at what they're doing.
Any fool can deliver a meaningless "good job." Being a constructive critic takes thought, effort and compassion. Here are eight tips for getting your good intentions across:
Pick Your Spots. Before you tell someone they're wrong, recite--three times--Jack Nicholson's tirade from A Few Good Men: "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" Then answer the question: "Can he or she handle the truth?" If the answer is an unqualified 'Yes,' let them know they're wrong, right then and there. If "No," then keep reading.
<a href="http://www.forbes.com/2011/03/07/greatest-risk-they-ever-took-2011-entrepreneurs_slide.html">In Pictures: 39 Entrepreneurs, Executives, Celebrities, Athletes And Politicians Share The Greatest Risks They Ever Took</a> Never Qualify. Trying to soften criticism with qualifications like "With all due respect," "No offense," or "Don't take this the wrong way" is slathering poison on an open wound. Avoid this infuriating strategy. The same goes with showering praise early on, only to switch gears and unload with the bad news. At best you'll come off as disingenuous; at worst, a jerk.
Sugarcoat Donuts. Some blunt but effective advice from James G. Ellis, Dean of the USC Marshall School of <a href="http://www.forbes.com/business/">Business</a>: "Never try to simultaneously be a good cop and a bad cop," he says. "You need to deliver your view without beating around the bush." Ellis' faculty knows all about this. "Say what the problem is, and if you must amplify your message, say where your data came from," he adds. "But make it clear that your goal is 'movement toward constructive change,' and nothing else."
Paint A Picture. Ambiguity is your enemy when telling someone they're wrong. Be concrete and don't sermonize, even if the culprit knows he's a sinner. Your feedback, like his priest's, won't afford a single clue about how he can extricate himself from purgatory.
Deal In Facts. Objectivity is crucial to constructive criticism. Remember that the goal is to communicate that a performance standard has not been met. Your sentiments (and certainly your judgments) are irrelevant. Never, ever talk down.
Focus On Behavior, Not Character. It's easy to lapse into character assassination without knowing it. For example, in saying "You were lazy in preparing this report" you may think you are helping the author improve his writing; instead, it addresses your assumption about the person's attitude toward their work.
Show Them The Way. Criticism without an action plan is worthless. Give them direction or keep your mouth shut.
Let The Fixes Feel Like Their Own. Chelsea A. Grayson, a partner in the Los Angeles office of Jones Day's mergers-and-acquisitions practice, is acutely sensitive to saying, "You're wrong" in a constructive manner. "After I present my approach to someone I solicit feedback to ensure buy-in," she says. "When I get it, and we concretize a plan, I often characterize it as theirs. If people feel you support their fundamental views and value them, achieving buy-in is easy and natural."
Mark Twain observed, "Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits." Reform through care--not condemnation.
For more on how not to thoroughly annoy employees, colleagues, and well, anyone really, check out <a href="http://www.forbes.com/2011/01/06/annoying-business-jargon-entrepreneurs-business_slide.html">Glossary The Most Annoying Business Jargon</a>.
</div>

There are plenty of reasons not to tell someone they're wrong. It's uncomfortable, for one thing. You also might come off as rigid, unsympathetic, arrogant, or worst of all, politically incorrect. In some cases, depending on how much alcohol is involved, you might even get smacked in the mouth.

How To Tell Someone They're Wrong (And Make Them Feel Good About It)