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Money is not a fixed entity. It is a complex of data points, challenges, and opportunities you encounter and have feelings about. Your decisions about money affect your emotions and behavior.
There are three factors you need to know about the psychology behind your relationship with money:
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The most important emotions about money to become aware of are fear, guilt, and shame. Without awareness, these emotions will interfere with your rational thinking.
Other emotions that influence your handling of money include envy, greed, and over-excitement.
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Mental health problems can have a significant effect on your finances.
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All families have their own psychology of money: what they can talk about, who should be in control, how important money is.
You may have experienced subtle pressures to correct the injustices perpetrated or suffered by previous generations. You may feel internal pressure to go against the family money mentality, or you may the first in your family to succeed and may want to give back to the family while neglecting your own financial needs.
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Emotions can be useful. They tell you what matters to you.
Mild anxiety is motivating for example. Harness your emotions to attend to what you need to face.
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Shopping can be socially acceptable because consumerism is continually pushed on us in the forms of posters, adverts, and signs.
Shopping is also a way of life: You need food and clothing from stores. Even if you try to stop compulsive buying by avoiding the stores in person, there is still a world of online shopping.
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To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.
There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.
However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.
It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.
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It means that we have a good understanding of how we feel emotionally.
Use plain language. The more fluent you are with real emotional language, the more clearly you will be able to think about how you’re feeling.
Get used to the idea of emotional complexity. When we feel upset, we're not feeling one single emotion. We are usually experiencing a blend of many emotions.
Training ourselves to look for and see this emotional complexity is key to better understanding ourselves when we’re upset and moving on in a healthy way.