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Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships | Mark Manson

https://markmanson.net/vulnerability-in-relationships

markmanson.net

Vulnerability: The Key to Better Relationships | Mark Manson
Maybe you're one of those people who cringes when they hear the world "vulnerability." Maybe the very thought of being more vulnerable nauseates you, conjuring up images of holding hands around the campfire while you cry over how your best friend doesn't love you like you love him, or whatever.

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What Vulnerability Really Is

What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges and a willingness to accept the consequences.

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Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

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Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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Telling someone they’re being hurtful

Calling them out when they truly cross the line makes you vulnerable. You’re making your feelings and opinion about the other person known.

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Telling someone you appreciate them

Telling someone you appreciate/admire/respect/love them, requires you to be vulnerable because their feelings might not match yours, which could change the dynamics of the relationship.

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What Vulnerability Is Not

Vulnerability is not a tactic to use on other people to manipulate them. 

The goal of real vulnerability is to express yourself as genuinely as possible.

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Emotional Vomit And Vulnerability

Emotional vomit is when you suddenly unload an inappropriate amount of emotions and personal history onto a conversation, usually to the utter horror of the person listening.

People who do this often expect this act to suddenly fix their issues.  But the point of emotional vomit is to make you aware of your issues, so you can deal with them.

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Power In Vulnerability

Genuine vulnerability represents a deep and subtle form of power. 

In order to become more resilient, more formidable, you must first show your flaws and weaknesses for the world to see. In doing so, they lose their power over you, allowing you to live your life with more honesty and intention. 

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Being vulnerable expands your world

Being vulnerable expands your world
  • Vulnerability is so much easier when you love yourself. You'll be less afraid of rejection, you step right into that place of openness.
  • Vulnerability takes practice.&nbs...

Vulnerability

It is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

You cannot outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite. The inability to lean into the discomfort of vuln...

Daring greatly

... is about showing up and being seen, about owning our vulnerability and understanding it as the birthplace of courage.

Vulnerability is not knowing victory or defeat, it’s understanding the necessity of both.

  • What’s keeping you out of the arena? Can you name the fear? Where do you want to be braver?
  • Figure out how you’re currently protecting yourself from vulnerability:  Perfectionism, Cynicism, Control etc.

Our inner 'demons'

Our inner Demons, or inner voices, make us do irrational, stupid and selfish things, based out of fear.

We hide and distract ourselves from our inner voice, which is nothing but our fear and ...

Our common negative parts

Some of our common 'demons' are:

  • Procrastination
  • Laziness
  • Self-loathing
  • Comparing yourself with your peers, leading to envy
  • Loser mentality.

The downward spiral

Our inner demons lead us to negatively judge ourselves, further leading to avoiding that judgment, and eventually starting the internal self-destruction, if the negative downward spiral is left unchecked.

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