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This Is How To Make Friends As An Adult: 5 Secrets Backed By Research - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
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The importance of friends
Having a weak circle of friends carries the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Researchers suggest that the core factors in a happy life are the number of friends, the closeness of friends, the closeness of family, and relationships with neighbors and co-workers.
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Reconnect with old friends
You have probably met a large number of friends through just a handful of people. Those are your superconnectors. Rekindle those friendships and ask them if there is anyone you should meet.
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Connecting to people
Don’t be interesting. Be interested.
- Listen to people and ask them to tell you more.
- When they mention something you have in common, point it out.
- Be enthusiastic and encouraging.
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Be Vulnerable
Go past discussing only the weather. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to help lay the ground for a closer personal connection.
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Don’t Be A Stranger
Make the time to spend time with your friends so that they will know that you value them.
Research suggests to check in with your friends at least every two weeks.
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Start A Social Group
Denmark has the happiest people in the world. One reason is that 92% of them belong to some kind of social group, ranging from sports to cultural interests.
Starting a group is the easiest way to manage 5 friendships with 20 % of the effort. Ideas could include a weekly lunch, a monthly sewing circle or a movie night.
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Key Ideas
Common errors when reading people
- Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests.
- Not looking for clusters: It’s a consisten...
Trusting your instincts
Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.
You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly.
Reading first impressions
- Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
- We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
- If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds.
- Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.
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Narcissists
They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).
They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the sho...
Don't deal with them
Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.
Kiss Up Or Shut Up
Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.
There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.
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Cherish your life
Everybody is aware, in a certain measure, of the different truths life provides us with. One of them, which is also the scariest, is related to the fact that eventually, we all die.
How...
Work hard, live longer
One of the biggest truths you will ever come to realize is that hard work, ambition and targets give actual meaning to your life.
Furthermore, once you have given a purpose to your work, you will most certainly see that motivation goes a long way into making someone's life more interesting to live.
There is a limit to happiness
Whoever believes that happiness knows no bound is in for a big surprise: happiness, like everything in this world, knows limits and very often we perceive this fact maybe just a bit too harsh.
In order to enjoy life and to get to feel happy, as much as it is possible, one should first be able to deal with difficult situations. Therefore, maturity tends to be seen as the key to ensuring a satisfactory life.