4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work - Deepstash

deepstash

Beta

Get an account to save ideas & make your own & organize them how you wish.

deepstash

Beta

4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work

Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/how-to-masterfully-handle-difficult-people-that-work-with-you.html

inc.com

4 Simple and Effective Strategies to Handle Difficult People at Work
Lets get right down to it. You want to handle those difficult personalities like a boss? Well, as you read further, you'll notice a theme. It's more about you than that difficult person driving you nuts. Here are the best strategies for handling the most difficult person.

4

Key Ideas

Save all ideas

Develop Your Self-awareness

  • Learn to manage your own emotions. 
  • Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they com...

159 SAVES


Be Assertive and Set Boundaries

An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions. 

  • Seek self-control, be fair and re...

159 SAVES


Listen

  • Give the difficult person a chance to finish without interrupting. 
  • Ask clarifying questions if confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to chec...

145 SAVES


Give Feedback

  • Maintain comfortable eye contact
  • Remain open-minded.
  • Pay attention to non-verbal signals as a way of reading the person's feelin...

145 SAVES


SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Handle difficult people

Difficult people defy logic. They create unnecessary complexity, strife and worst of all stress.

90 % of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in ord...

Set limits

People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude.

Avoid this by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

Rise above

Difficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational. 

Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos -- only the facts.

8 more ideas

Assertive communication

It empowers you to draw necessary boundaries with people that will allow you to get your needs met in relationships without alienating others and without letting resentment and anger creep i...

Be factual, not judgmental

... especially when it comes to things you don't like.

When approaching someone about the behavior you’d like to see changed, stick to factual descriptions of what they’ve done that has upset you, rather than using negative labels or words that convey judgment.

Be accurate and avoid exaggerations

Being factual about what you don't like in someone's behavior (without overdramatizing) is an important start. 

The same should be done in describing the effects of their behavior. Don’t exaggerate, label or judge; just describe.

4 more ideas

Don’t try to fix the difficult person

Accept them exactly as they are. 

Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...

Be present and direct

Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive

  • Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. 
  • Stay focused on how you respond. 
  • Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.

Encourage difficult people to express themselves

Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? 

The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. 

4 more ideas

Anger and Aggression

  • Anger: An emotion felt when we believe we have been wronged.
  • Aggression: is an act of expression of the anger, by our words our actions. Aggression can be insults, sarcas...

Validation and Boundaries

  • We can try and validate the anger felt by an individual by making them know that their anger is maybe justified while putting firm but respectful boundaries on their aggression.
  • We then need to be clear about what type of aggression we are willing to tolerate, setting boundaries on the unacceptable.
  • We may have to put our foot down and be ready to leave the conversation or escalate the issue, without falling into the trap of guilt and emotion.
  • If possible, we need to restart the conversation when things have cooled down, and diffuse the issue in a calm way.

Avoiding Speculative Self-Talk

Unchecked self-talk can easily turn into self-delusion. The stories we create almost always make you look like the good guy and cannot be termed as objective.

  • The way to get out of this speculative self-delusion is to avoid any speculation about other people's anger, at least initially.
  • Make sure to note down the facts of the situation. This can make the story less according to your gut instinct, and more towards the objective reality.

one more idea

Embrace conflict

Don’t avoid conflict or pretend nothing has happened as it usually will only get worse.

  • If you notice a conflict between employees, encourage them to work it out.
  • If a ...

Resolving conflict

  • Talk together. Each person should have adequate time to say what he or she believes the other party needs to hear. 
  • Listen carefully to gain understanding. Give your complete attention to the person who is talking without interrupting. 
  • Resolution is possible only when you find points of agreement
  • Guide the conversation without taking sides. 
  • Be quick to forgive. Every conflict needs a clear resolution that acknowledges hurt feelings and finds a solution that begins to mend them.

Be calm

Someone who is calm is seen as being in control, centered and more respectable. 

Unless you know that anger will trigger the person into action and you are consciously using it as a stra...

Understand the person's intentions

Even when it may seem that the person is just out to get you, there is always some underlying reason that is motivating them to act this way. 

Try to identify the person's trigger: What is making him/her act in this manner? What is stopping him/her from cooperating with you? How can you help to meet his/her needs and resolve the situation?

Get some perspective from others

In all likelihood, your colleagues, managers and friends must have experienced similar situations in some way or another. They will be able to see things from a different angle and offer a different take on the situation. 

6 more ideas

The Emotions Matter

We become stressful or anxious while packing for a trip, due to us going out of our comfort zone, or in front of uncomfortable and different people.

Our previous good (or bad) travel experien...

Wheely is Not Speedy

Wheeled luggage is generally seen as a convenience, but is, in fact, a constraint, as once a heavy and large suitcase is with you, you are bound to 'wheel' it around everywhere, cutting down your travel options.

Be a Light Packer

Light packing relaxes you and facilitates spontaneous travel, a minimalistic packing done in a backpack or a shoulder bag works best.

Chronic overpacking, while it seems logical as people can need so many things, is a hassle for travel, as there is so much to worry about and carry along.

Too much baggage leads to a baggage-heavy mindset.

Learning to be assertive

Being assertive means learning to manage your energy, plan your approach and craft your message in a way that maximizes potential for the other person, to be open to receiving and accepting it.
...

Acknowledge and don't react

  1. Make it known you noticed that underhanded insinuation by pausing and directing your attention to it.
  2. Calmly state you will revisit what they said, the action they took or the decision they made at another point. And you don’t ask it as a question; you make a statement.

Pause and reflect to gain clarity

Give yourself space to come to terms with what you experienced before being able to consider what action to take next.

Get clear on your values. It’s important that you understand within yourself first, the nature and reason behind the battle you choose to fight.

3 more ideas

Validate Their Feelings

Saying things like 'I understand why you'd feel that way...' or 'Anyone would feel like that in the same situation' validates the other person's emotions and completely disarm...

Look At It As A Conversation

Go back to the concept of talking with someone rather than talking to someone.

It can help keep the other person cool, which pretty much always means you've won the argument.

Make It All About Them

We naturally approach the world from our own points of view,

The key to successful persuasion is to show how and why something matters in relation to that person's life and experience.

8 more ideas

4 different types of difficult people

  • The Downers (the Negative Nancys): almost impossible to please, they always have something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge. 
  • The Know It Alls: The...

Disengaging difficult personalities

Don't try changing people, try understanding them.

When you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse. The way to disengage a difficult person is to try understanding where they are coming from.

Finding The Value Language

When trying to understand difficult people, search for their value language.

A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives their decisions. For some people it is money; for others, it is power or knowledge.