We all get embarrassed . Stupid sentences fly out of our mouths. We’re met with the blaring sound of alarms when we open fire doors by mistakes. We do that weird oh-no-after-you dance with strangers on the sidewalk. Someone tells a story about you that makes your face go flush. Embarrassment is aggravating and humbling, yes. But it can also be insidious. It can cause us to wake up in the middle of the night with the same hot shame we felt when we spoke out of turn, were mocked, or messed up. The feeling can linger for days, years, or even decades. It’s entirely unproductive. And, unchecked, it can turn into deep feelings of shame or guilt . 

Still, it’s hard to own up to feeling embarrassed or ashamed of our behavior in the moment. For one, it requires a level of emotional vulnerability and accountability for actions that many of us, especially men, find difficult to swallow. Vulnerability is hard enough; being vulnerable enough to admit an uncomfortable emotion, or a screw-up, or something we feel bad about? Even harder. 

But luckily, there are some common scripts on how to open up about feeling embarrassment for one’s actions. There are many ways to go about this but every single approach should get at the heart of the matter: without admitting embarrassment or shame, people and relationships cannot grow, change, or heal. Letting the sensations of embarrassment fester can be disastrous. Worse, it can lead to resentment in relationships or an unwillingness to be open in other areas. Still, expressing emotions the right way is difficult.