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Every kid needs to feel seen - here are 2 ways you can do this

https://ideas.ted.com/every-kid-needs-to-feel-seen-here-are-2-ways-you-can-do-this/

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Every kid needs to feel seen - here are 2 ways you can do this
One way to set up a child for success: Take some time every day to really see them for who they are, not for who you want them to be, says psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel and social worker Tina Payne...

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Just Show Up

If one adult in a child's life constantly shows up for them, they turn out better in:

  • Happiness Quotient
  • Academic Success
  • Leadership Skills
  • Meaningful Relationships

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The Four S's

Showing up for your child is easy to do. A child should be made to feel Safe, Seen, Soothed and Secure.

When we show up and give our children an opportunity to be seen, honestly and directly, then we act as a living mirror for them to see themselves.


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Don't Deny Their Feelings

While we reassure our kids telling them what they are feeling is not going to be a problem, and they shouldn't cry or worry, we are ignoring their feelings.

Acknowledging what they feel is as important as correcting their course.

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Observe, Feel and Witness

Instead of being immediately judgemental of your child's behavior, we need to participate and look with clarity. Discard all preconceived notions.

Example: If a child throws the spaghetti plate on the floor, you might be angry, but if you look at his real intention of doing so, maybe curious to see how the splatter looks on the floor, you might respond a bit differently.

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Create Space and Time

Intentionally creating a time and space, maybe in the evening to see and talk to your child, looking and learning, is a great way to helping your kids feel seen and heard.

Your presence is more important than your usual routine of the evening.

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Beyond Small Talk

If the talk between a parent and a child is forced and mechanical, then the child may dread it.

The time spent together has to be natural, honest and full of deep understanding, not some work you have to do to groom your child.

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The Kids Are All Right

Due to the lockdown, most day-care centres, workplaces and schools are now closed. This has parents grappling with kids using technology at home, consuming media all day.

A few tips that can...

Don't Hand Over The Remote

Don’t just hand over the remote to the kids. Help them choose the right content that is educational, informative, and interesting enough for them to engage in for hours. There are various learning apps that can help them learn subjects, like Sesame Street, Bedtime Math and many others. Resources like Common Sense Media have plenty of content and activities related to healthy living, eating, and scientific fun facts. It helps to gauge your kids interest first and then choose the right media.

Participate With The Kids

While they are engaged in the media, stay with your kids(as much as possible), guide them, help them understand and form connections. Kids would have plenty of questions and providing them timely answers with examples makes the whole exercise fruitful and strengthens your bond with them.

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Moral Luck

We judge ourselves and others morally for things that didn't come out as intended, were unforeseen, or were influenced by factors beyond one's control. 

The judgment we should rece...

Feeling Morally Responsible

Some people do their parenting in difficult circumstances, and nothing that is done by them as parents is fully under their control.

The good and bad traits that parents possess can find their way in the child, with them having no say as to what the child will eventually become or do.

The Inner Paradox

Due to so many factors at play, parents are relying on good luck, pulling off a gamble on the child that is being raised. They don't have much leverage on the outcome, the net result of the actions of their offspring.

There is an inner paradox, a duality that exists in the minds of parents, which can make them accept and also reject the responsibility they have towards their kids' actions.

Taking cues from you

When children witness a parent in a state of anxiety, they can become unsettled, because they take information about how to interpret situations from the parent.

If you notice your child sho...

Learn stress management techniques

A big part of treatment for children with anxiety is to teach parents stress tolerance.

A mental health professional can help you work through methods of stress management for your specific needs.

Model stress tolerance

You might learn strategies in therapy that you can impart to your child when she is feeling anxious.

Try to maintain a calm, neutral demeanor in front of your child, even if you are still trying to manage your anxiety. Children are quick to read facial expressions.