Don't assume people are mean

First, people’s thoughts are mostly focused on themselves. Secondly, they are directing their thoughts towards their relationships, but only how those affect them. That leaves little room for empathy.

This means there is no point in feeling embarrassment; your self-judgment is overwhelmingly larger anyway. Also, people are not intentionally mean, usually. And at last, relationships are your job to maintain! 

Don’t wait to be approached, people are too absorbed with themselves.

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The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People | Scott H Young

scotthyoung.com

Few social behaviors are explicit

This means most intentions behind our actions are hidden. If someone is feeling depressed or angry, usually their behaviors are distorted.

Focus on empathy, which leads to trust between people. This way, you can usually break the shell people have and get to the heart of the issue faster.

Other people don't know how you truly feel. So, don’t get angry when people don’t respond to you. Don't get angry when people don't get you.

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What is selfish altruism?

Selfish altruism is a win/win situation.

It usually applies in these categories:

  • Transactions: buying cars, for example (you get your car, the dealer gets a bonus); doesn’t imply emotional bonds
  • Family: protecting people that share our genes
  • Status: helping someone as a sign of dominance or to up our self-esteem
  • Reciprocity: “I help you, so you help me”

So, don’t expect people to offer aid outside of selfish altruism. Understand their motives and work with what you have.

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People have poor memories

People have trouble remembering things. Especially those that do not apply to themselves. 

Don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten. Instead, you can demonstrate reliability by having a system that keeps you from forgetting.

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Everyone is emotional

People tend to have stronger feelings than they let on. Do not assume someone is fine just because that person is not having a nervous breakdown.

Everybody has their individual problems, so being sensitive to the true feelings of people gives you the opportunity to help and understand others.

The same thing applies to you: people generally assume you are fine, unless you have a blowup.

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People are lonely

Many people that seem to have it all, suffer from loneliness. As social animals, the desire to be with other people is strong.

If you visualise how many people are actually alone and how common this feeling is, you can minimize your own feeling of loneliness.

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People are self-absorbed

People tend to be too concerned about themselves to give you much attention. They tend to be lonely and more emotional than they are showing; apply this to how you view the world.

This perspective could help you be more proactive and independent.

Be realistic: if you place your individual happiness in the hands of another person, you ignore all of the above and do so at your own peril.

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