According to French anthropologist Marcel Mauss, gift-giving carries many legal, moral, economical and spiritual aspects, and is significant for the whole social fabric. Many ancient cultures follow the intricate rules of gift exchange, which is not a voluntary act, but rather a comprehensive set of rules based on obligation and formality.
If a person does not take part in this obligatory ritual, he or she risks losing respect, moral authority and even wealth.

The Psychology Of Exchanging Gifts

The Gift protocol is a non-voluntary strategy to affirm and strengthen the moral bonds of society.
It is a competitive, formal game that diminishes the pure value of gifts and makes it into a set of rules.

Social Behaviour: The Gifting Protocol

<ol>
<li>Gift-giving is a moral act, with social consequences if done incorrectly. If one signals that he or she is not doing the ‘presents’ thing, the person is then banished from this formality.</li>
<li>Receiving shoddy gifts with a warm 'thank you' is a part of the ritual based on pretentiousness and social deception.</li>
<li>Wrapping and personalization of gifts matter, that is why cheques or vouchers feel cold.</li>
</ol>

The Rules Of Social Gift Exchange

The Gift, written by Marcel Mauss in 1925, explores why we exchange things and the social rules we follow – and might help explain why gift-giving can be so fraught with worry<picture> <source media="(min-width: 620px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 620px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="620px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=a83e2c042bbb4857faf4682b4199ee64 1240w"> <source media="(min-width: 620px)" sizes="620px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=a83e2c042bbb4857faf4682b4199ee64 620w"> <source media="(min-width: 1240px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 1240px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="1240px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=418b5b448b4b5931c415b14172c0f1e2 2480w"> <source media="(min-width: 1240px)" sizes="1240px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=418b5b448b4b5931c415b14172c0f1e2 1240w"> <source media="(min-width: 605px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 605px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="605px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=4caf89b2f5927ebd2952dc7ca97f6647 1210w"> <source media="(min-width: 605px)" sizes="605px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=4caf89b2f5927ebd2952dc7ca97f6647 605w"> <source media="(min-width: 1210px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 1210px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="1210px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=c55853b8f42065f5818ca6095785be3d 2420w"> <source media="(min-width: 1210px)" sizes="1210px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=c55853b8f42065f5818ca6095785be3d 1210w"> <source media="(min-width: 445px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 445px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="445px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=b59a09cfebe40fc6a237f258eb97b103 890w"> <source media="(min-width: 445px)" sizes="445px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=b59a09cfebe40fc6a237f258eb97b103 445w"> <source media="(min-width: 890px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 890px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="890px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=fc22da095617f84cfee184e9367c84a6 1780w"> <source media="(min-width: 890px)" sizes="890px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=fc22da095617f84cfee184e9367c84a6 890w"><img alt="Colorful Christmas decorations and a wrapped gift box" src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/be7098c542ba25c17252e20f504dd291c53eb9c0/0_163_7350_4411/master/7350.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=b59a09cfebe40fc6a237f258eb97b103" height="407" width="678"></picture><figcaption> Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo</figcaption><div><label for="dateToggle">Fri 22 Dec 2017 07.44 EST</label></div>Last modified on Wed 14 Feb 2018 16.24 ESTExchanging stuff – as gifts or economic transactions – and reciprocating those exchanges in a socially acceptable way - is a practice found in all human cultures. The rules and scope of the exchanges may be very different, but the fact of them is universal. French anthropologist Marcel Mauss doesn’t attempt to explain the politics and practice of the office Secret Santa (alas) – instead, he describes “archaic societies” in Melanesia, Polynesia and the north-west coast Native American peoples who practiced ‘potlatch’, a ceremonial gift-giving and feasting ritual characterised by competitive shows of conspicuous giving and consumption. These, Mauss says, are systems of gift-giving that aren’t just about gifts, but carry legal, economic, spiritual and moral significance that saturates the whole social fabric (he calls them “total prestations”). In these societies, items given as gifts take on the spiritual significance of the giver. The value of the relationship is embodied in the thing given.<img src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/458ae4c54ce761db06a49877358203185540aaa7/0_256_5108_3065/master/5108.jpg?width=460&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=609bae709f75798864e617373eab42b7" alt="" width="140" height="84">If we can understand the rules and role of gift exchange and reciprocity, he tells us, we can understand the whole culture.Fundamentally, Mauss says, giving gifts is neither voluntary nor altruistic. There’s an obligation to give, an obligation to receive and an obligation to repay. There are rules that determine how this is done correctly – with whom, when and how are all prescribed. One of those rules is to make it look voluntary and spontaneous, so the gift is “generously offered”. But actually it’s a “formal pretence and social deception”. We’re all complicit, and pretending is part of the rules. If you don’t give – and receive – correctly, you risk losing honour, moral authority and wealth. Mauss thinks things are a little more complicated in complex, developed societies with liberal, utilitarian market economies that follow very different sets of rules, Certainly we live in a society with multiple, overlapping and conflicting systems of value and exchange, as do the people in the “archaic societies” Mauss (sometimes inaccurately) describes. There’s plenty to <a href="http://www.focaalblog.com/2016/06/16/zoe-goodman-whats-the-point-of-the-mauss-haus-the-gift-and-anthropology-today/" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">critique</a>. But I think in many ways, the basics still stand. Mauss’ ideas explain why gifting faux-pas can be some of the most stressful moments in the holiday season, and fundamentally, why we haven’t all just given up and decided to do without the bother. Firstly – gift-giving is moral and there are social consequences if you get it wrong. It’s not just the thought that counts, it’s the social action. So by all means be creative, but if he gives a diamond bracelet, and you give a box of After Eights, they bring a cake and you give it back to them when they leave as a means of ‘reciprocating’, you announce that you decided not to ‘do’ presents this year, just after everyone has handed you yours, you’ll pay for it. Not just today, but forever.Secondly, gift-giving – especially at <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/christmas" data-component="auto-linked-tag" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">Christmas</a> – is “formal pretence and social deception”. A warm thank you for the sweater you’ll never wear is not just polite, it’s a mandatory step in the dance of this social exchange. Gift exchanges aren’t just about individuals, they’re about the groups we belong to – and our actions are understood in that context. Your kids ignore the gift Grandma gave them? It’ll reflect on you, the parents. Visitors from overseas witness the exchange? It’ll reflect on the nation. <figure><picture> <source media="(min-width: 620px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 620px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="620px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=e3f24694d7b25997bf4278349825abb9 1240w"> <source media="(min-width: 620px)" sizes="620px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=e3f24694d7b25997bf4278349825abb9 620w"> <source media="(min-width: 1240px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 1240px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="1240px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=bb851ddb13e5b0163ebd2014fb754dc1 2480w"> <source media="(min-width: 1240px)" sizes="1240px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=bb851ddb13e5b0163ebd2014fb754dc1 1240w"> <source media="(min-width: 605px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 605px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="605px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=871c2ac4a60b0ac399711213ca73b25b 1210w"> <source media="(min-width: 605px)" sizes="605px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=871c2ac4a60b0ac399711213ca73b25b 605w"> <source media="(min-width: 1210px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 1210px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="1210px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=49a3aede701f5539f3279d7d69fde200 2420w"> <source media="(min-width: 1210px)" sizes="1210px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=49a3aede701f5539f3279d7d69fde200 1210w"> <source media="(min-width: 445px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 445px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="445px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=d2320ef63b4aac9da0fff913546a7302 890w"> <source media="(min-width: 445px)" sizes="445px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=d2320ef63b4aac9da0fff913546a7302 445w"> <source media="(min-width: 890px) and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-width: 890px) and (min-resolution: 120dpi)" sizes="890px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=4005cef9336ac362b4440e8faa71e22d 1780w"> <source media="(min-width: 890px)" sizes="890px" srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=4005cef9336ac362b4440e8faa71e22d 890w"><img alt="Naughty or nice? A Child dressed as a Christmas elf." src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/bf4b5f09d19748f24e379c79b30b4b14e55cff5d/0_0_5636_3861/master/5636.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=d2320ef63b4aac9da0fff913546a7302" height="410" width="598"></picture><figcaption dir="auto">Naughty or nice? A child dressed as a Christmas elf. Photograph: Craig Holmes/Alamy</figcaption></figure>Thirdly – for them to really count, shop-bought, mass-produced items must be transformed from impersonal commodity to gift imbued with the spiritual significance of the giver. That’s why cheques and vouchers can fall flat. And that’s why wrapping paper matters – it actively changes the value of the gift. Ultimately gift-giving is a means of affirming and strengthening the moral bonds between us. It’s strategic, competitive, and non-voluntary, but still it binds us close and reminds us that we’re not in this game alone. But if they’re neither voluntary nor disinterested, are they really gifts at all? I reckon if you believe in ‘pure’ gifts at all, then you’re good at self-deception as well as social deception. Merry Christmas.

The Gift, written by Marcel Mauss in 1925, explores why we exchange things and the social rules we follow – and helps explain why gift-giving can be so fraught with worry

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The Gift, written by Marcel Mauss in 1925, explores why we exchange things and the social rules we follow – and might help explain why gift-giving can be so fraught with worry

Last modified on Wed 14 Feb 2018 16.24 EST

Exchanging stuff – as gifts or economic transactions – and reciprocating those exchanges in a socially acceptable way - is a practice found in all human cultures. The rules and scope of the exchanges may be very different, but the fact of them is universal.

French anthropologist Marcel Mauss doesn’t attempt to explain the politics and practice of the office Secret Santa (alas) – instead, he describes “archaic societies” in Melanesia, Polynesia and the north-west coast Native American peoples who practiced ‘potlatch’, a ceremonial gift-giving and feasting ritual characterised by competitive shows of conspicuous giving and consumption. These, Mauss says, are systems of gift-giving that aren’t just about gifts, but carry legal, economic, spiritual and moral significance that saturates the whole social fabric (he calls them “total prestations”). In these societies, items given as gifts take on the spiritual significance of the giver. The value of the relationship is embodied in the thing given.

If we can understand the rules and role of gift exchange and reciprocity, he tells us, we can understand the whole culture.

Fundamentally, Mauss says, giving gifts is neither voluntary nor altruistic. There’s an obligation to give, an obligation to receive and an obligation to repay. There are rules that determine how this is done correctly – with whom, when and how are all prescribed. One of those rules is to make it look voluntary and spontaneous, so the gift is “generously offered”. But actually it’s a “formal pretence and social deception”. We’re all complicit, and pretending is part of the rules. If you don’t give – and receive – correctly, you risk losing honour, moral authority and wealth.

Mauss thinks things are a little more complicated in complex, developed societies with liberal, utilitarian market economies that follow very different sets of rules, Certainly we live in a society with multiple, overlapping and conflicting systems of value and exchange, as do the people in the “archaic societies” Mauss (sometimes inaccurately) describes. There’s plenty to <a href="http://www.focaalblog.com/2016/06/16/zoe-goodman-whats-the-point-of-the-mauss-haus-the-gift-and-anthropology-today/">critique </a>. But I think in many ways, the basics still stand. Mauss’ ideas explain why gifting faux-pas can be some of the most stressful moments in the holiday season, and fundamentally, why we haven’t all just given up and decided to do without the bother.

Firstly – gift-giving is moral and there are social consequences if you get it wrong. It’s not just the thought that counts, it’s the social action. So by all means be creative, but if he gives a diamond bracelet, and you give a box of After Eights, they bring a cake and you give it back to them when they leave as a means of ‘reciprocating’, you announce that you decided not to ‘do’ presents this year, just after everyone has handed you yours, you’ll pay for it. Not just today, but forever.

Secondly, gift-giving – especially at <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/christmas">Christmas </a>– is “formal pretence and social deception”. A warm thank you for the sweater you’ll never wear is not just polite, it’s a mandatory step in the dance of this social exchange. Gift exchanges aren’t just about individuals, they’re about the groups we belong to – and our actions are understood in that context. Your kids ignore the gift Grandma gave them? It’ll reflect on you, the parents. Visitors from overseas witness the exchange? It’ll reflect on the nation.

Thirdly – for them to really count, shop-bought, mass-produced items must be transformed from impersonal commodity to gift imbued with the spiritual significance of the giver. That’s why cheques and vouchers can fall flat. And that’s why wrapping paper matters – it actively changes the value of the gift.

Ultimately gift-giving is a means of affirming and strengthening the moral bonds between us. It’s strategic, competitive, and non-voluntary, but still it binds us close and reminds us that we’re not in this game alone.

But if they’re neither voluntary nor disinterested, are they really gifts at all? I reckon if you believe in ‘pure’ gifts at all, then you’re good at self-deception as well as social deception.

Gifts are a traditional part of Christmas – but why do we give presents at all?

The Psychology Of Exchanging Gifts

Social Behaviour: The Gifting Protocol

The Rules Of Social Gift Exchange

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