Losing Friends With Grace - Deepstash
Digital Wellbeing

Learn more about loveandrelationships with this collection

How to manage digital distractions

The impact of technology on mental health

The importance of setting boundaries

Digital Wellbeing

Discover 39 similar ideas in

It takes just

5 mins to read

Ending friendships

Ending friendships

Sometimes a friendship can become so painful or unhealthy that we need to end it.

But we often don't have clear guidance or formulas to make these decisions. Our negative emotions drive our thoughts and may cause us to make poor decisions and lose relationships we could have kept.

211

1.83K reads

Attachment bonds

We commonly form attachment bonds with a friend. Although we don't talk about it, we do have unspoken psychological expectations when our friends become attachment figures.

The indicator of a secure attachment figure is that s/he is consistent, available, warm, and responsive. But an insecure attachment style (preoccupied, dismissing, or fearful) might struggle with friendship expectations or the ability to provide a secure base to others.

215

1.31K reads

A secure attachment style

You are likely able to accept the good with the bad in your friends. You may get close to your friends but will also give them space. If you feel hurt by a friend, it won't consume you.

You will have seen enough relationships go through the ups and downs so that you know not all relationships last. You know you can tolerate the loss and are free to continue getting close to people.

201

1.02K reads

A preoccupied or fearful attachment style

You likely have a stronger need for closeness in your relationships. You desire a "best friend" and confidante. You may be overly attuned to subtle cues that you are left out.

You become very involved in a person's life, but your friends may not reciprocate when you are in need. You may feel hurt, betrayed, angry and shame because of the belief that there must be something wrong with you.

209

999 reads

A dismissing attachment style

You may have friends who complain that they are there for you, but you don't reciprocate or reach out enough. You are social but feel exhausted by the amount of emotional interaction that some of your friends need.

Try using the "consistent, available, warm, and responsive" recipe. Communicate boundaries and expectations (which most friends don't openly discuss.) For instance, you are not available at 3 a.m. for a chat. If you are less expressive, be aware that more anxious friends need the interpersonal feedback to know that you still like them.

201

833 reads

Navigating the end of a friendship

  • Try to be honest with the person. Do it with kindness and just talk about your own emotional availability. "I realize that I'm not a good friend right now. I just don't feel very emotionally available."
  • Try to avoid "all or nothing" thinking. Friendships have cycles. Sometimes people are close, and then they drift apart. If you want to end the friendship in the drifting apart phase, you will prevent the ability to revive the friendship another time.
  • It's better to show up some than not at all. Many people will avoid sending an old friend a text thinking they don't have the time for a long exchange. Send them a text anyway.
  • Allow friends to "change orbit." Most people have 2 to 4 close friends, a circle of about 10 friends they do things with occasionally, a circle of casual friends, and many acquaintances. Sometimes people need to change friends because of life circumstances. Let them go with love knowing that they also have their own life paths to follow.

215

751 reads

When you can’t stop thinking about a friendship

Don't sit and wait for a text or phone call. Get busy in your own life. Make plans and fill your day.

If you can't stop hurting, consider whether the pain is partially an emotional memory from previous painful events that you have not dealt with.

206

860 reads

Ending the friendship

If your friend is making it hard for you to function (won't stop calling, interferes with your work, causes damage to your other relationships, hurts you financially) and you have already spoken to this person, a hard stop may be necessary.

It is kinder to tell the person that you are stopping the friendship than ghosting them or letting them live in a state of anxious ambiguity. Conversely, if you have a friend that keeps you living in that anxious state, and you have tried to speak about it, then honour yourself and end the friendship.

210

926 reads

CURATED BY

felixg

Know your boundaries, let other people also know them.

stash-superman-illustration

Explore the World’s

Best Ideas

200,000+ ideas on pretty much any topic. Created by the smartest people around & well-organized so you can explore at will.

An Idea for Everything

Explore the biggest library of insights. And we've infused it with powerful filtering tools so you can easily find what you need.

Knowledge Library

Powerful Saving & Organizational Tools

Save ideas for later reading, for personalized stashes, or for remembering it later.

# Personal Growth

Take Your Ideas

Anywhere

Organize your ideas & listen on the go. And with Pro, there are no limits.

Listen on the go

Just press play and we take care of the words.

Never worry about spotty connections

No Internet access? No problem. Within the mobile app, all your ideas are available, even when offline.

Get Organized with Stashes

Ideas for your next work project? Quotes that inspire you? Put them in the right place so you never lose them.

Join

2 Million Stashers

4.8

5,740 Reviews

App Store

4.7

72,690 Reviews

Google Play

samz905

Don’t look further if you love learning new things. A refreshing concept that provides quick ideas for busy thought leaders.

Shankul Varada

Best app ever! You heard it right. This app has helped me get back on my quest to get things done while equipping myself with knowledge everyday.

Ashley Anthony

This app is LOADED with RELEVANT, HELPFUL, AND EDUCATIONAL material. It is creatively intellectual, yet minimal enough to not overstimulate and create a learning block. I am exceptionally impressed with this app!

Sean Green

Great interesting short snippets of informative articles. Highly recommended to anyone who loves information and lacks patience.

Jamyson Haug

Great for quick bits of information and interesting ideas around whatever topics you are interested in. Visually, it looks great as well.

Giovanna Scalzone

Brilliant. It feels fresh and encouraging. So many interesting pieces of information that are just enough to absorb and apply. So happy I found this.

Ghazala Begum

Even five minutes a day will improve your thinking. I've come across new ideas and learnt to improve existing ways to become more motivated, confident and happier.

Laetitia Berton

I have only been using it for a few days now, but I have found answers to questions I had never consciously formulated, or to problems I face everyday at work or at home. I wish I had found this earlier, highly recommended!

Read & Learn

20x Faster

without
deepstash

with
deepstash

with

deepstash

Access to 200,000+ ideas

Access to the mobile app

Unlimited idea saving & library

Unlimited history

Unlimited listening to ideas

Downloading & offline access

Personalized recommendations

Supercharge your mind with one idea per day

Enter your email and spend 1 minute every day to learn something new.

Email

I agree to receive email updates