<p>It's inevitable running into negative nancy at work or those who choose to undermine your capabilities. However, you get to decide how to handle people like them. You can either fight them or let them talk and not be bothered by what they say. </p>
<p>Every situation can be handled with grace as long as you let yourself do so. Take a deep breath and remember that what people say about you is ultimately a reflection of them and not you.</p>

Keeping Your Composure At Work

<p>If your fight mode has been activated when dealing with someone that is undermining your work, don't let it eat you up entirely, instead, try to ask what they meant by their backhanded compliment. </p>
<p>Keep focused on staying calm so that you can address the root of the problem and not add gasoline to the fire. If they still do not want to change their mind about you, smile, move on, and be the bigger person.</p>

Difficult Work Relationships: Acknowledge, Smile, and Move On

<p>Don't let a petty comment discourage you.  Do not succumb to the negativity because at the end of the day what people say about you don't matter. </p>
<p>Your actions have more significance than what anyone else say.</p>

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

<figure><picture><source media="(max-width:600px)" srcset="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/getty_565879409_2000133020009280268_354838.jpg"><source media="(min-width:601px)" srcset="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/getty_565879409_2000133020009280268_354838.jpg"><img src="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/getty_565879409_2000133020009280268_354838.jpg" alt="How to Deal With Someone Who Keeps Undermining You at Work" width="635" height="357"></picture><figcaption dir="auto">Getty Images</figcaption></figure><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">Nancy:</strong> How's work going?</p><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">You:</strong> It's good, I am working on a big project with a fast-approaching deadline right now so it's a busy time.</p><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">Nancy:</strong> Oh, that's great to hear they're giving big responsibilities to entry-level employees.</p><p>Or this:</p><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">Paul:</strong> What do you do?</p><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">You: </strong>I am opening a restaurant downtown.</p><p dir="ltr"><strong dir="ltr">Paul:</strong> That's such a great achievement for a woman.</p><p>Ugh. If you're not familiar with responses like this, they're called backhanded compliments. They're words that are strung together to sound like a compliment, only to deviously undermine you in the process.</p><p>Anything you follow up with in this conversation is guaranteed to be met with eye rolls or more backhanded compliments. So, how do you deal? How do you respond when your conversation mate can't stop being so rude?</p><h2>Take a breath.</h2><p>Remember this: things&nbsp;people say are a reflection of them, not you. When Paul says it's such a great achievement for a woman, it's because he's insecure about the gender gap and still doesn't know how to deal with a go-getting woman. Don't take this comment to heart, just take a breath and know they're coming from a different place.</p><h2>Smile and move on.</h2><p>The body has a fight-or-flight mode. To smile and move on is not a flight, but a recognition this person is not worth your time. If a new acquaintance says something you don't like, you don't have to give them the time of day anymore. Excuse yourself and move on.</p><h2>Acknowledge the comment head on.</h2><p>If you're in fight mode, then say something. Ask Paul what he means by, "for a woman" and if he thinks it's a great achievement for a man, too. If it feels like a good moment to teach a quick lesson about gender roles, then stand up for it. It's easy to get heated, but focus on staying calm and address the root of the problem.</p><p>It's a judgment call here, but remember to ultimately be the bigger person. You can't change someone's mind if they don't want it changed, so say your peace and move on.</p><h2>Turn it into your "why."</h2><p>When things make you upset, let it be the fuel to your fire. If Nancy thinks you're just an "entry-level" employee, then let it push you even harder to get a promotion. When people want to doubt you, let it serve as reason why you will not succumb to their negativity.</p><h2>Remember, you have nothing to prove. Your actions speak louder than words.</h2><p>You know yourself best. Although it would be tempting in this type of situation to list off all of your achievements and detail how much of a hard worker you are, let it go. You don't need to say a word. The more you say, the more they have to jab at.</p><p>To recover from a frustrating moment like this, acknowledge their insecurities and remind yourself you are fighting a bigger fight. What you end up doing has more significance that what you say you're going to do and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what this other person thinks or says about it.</p><figcaption class="caption"><span><b dir="ltr">Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. <a href="https://inc.com/subscribe?cid=dan905:660:s00:CTA_&amp;utm_source=paidDisplayOn&amp;utm_medium=edit%20article%20footer&amp;utm_campaign=dan905:660:s00:CTA_" dir="ltr"> Subscribe here</a> for unlimited access.</b></span></figcaption><div>Apr 27, 2018</div><figcaption class="caption">The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.</figcaption><div><span>Read Next</span></div><header><span><span>The Future</span></span></header><header dir="ltr"><h2 dir="ltr">Why Skills, Not College Degrees, Will Drive the Post-Pandemic Labor Market</h2><h3 dir="ltr"><span dir="ltr">Faced with the prospect of a K-shaped recovery, business leaders hold the fate of the economy in their hands, according to Harvard economist Peter Q. Blair.</span></h3></header><div><span><span dir="ltr">By <a title="Read more Inc. articles by Vickie An" href="https://www.inc.com/author/vickie-an" dir="ltr">Vickie An</a>, Freelance writer</span></span></div><div><span><span>@wordgirlvicks</span></span></div><figure><picture><source media="(max-width:600px)" srcset="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/970x450/skills_449077.jpg"><source media="(min-width:601px)" srcset="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/skills_449077.jpg"><img src="https://www.incimages.com/uploaded_files/image/1920x1080/skills_449077.jpg" alt="Why Skills, Not College Degrees, Will Drive the Post-Pandemic Labor Market" width="635" height="357"></picture></figure><p dir="ltr"><em dir="ltr">Peter Q. Blair&nbsp;is on the faculty at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, where he co-directs the Project on Workforce. He also serves as a faculty research fellow of the National Bureau of Economic Research and the principal investigator of the Blair Economics Lab. In&nbsp;</em><a href="https://www.inc.com/magazine/202011/renita-kalhorn/prediction-optimism-future-of-business-2020.html" dir="ltr">Inc.</a><em dir="ltr"><a href="https://www.inc.com/magazine/202011/renita-kalhorn/prediction-optimism-future-of-business-2020.html" dir="ltr">'s series on the future of business</a>, he shared predictions about <a href="https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/6-things-smartest-leaders-do-to-hire-keep-great-employees.html" dir="ltr">talent management</a>. --As told to Vickie An</em></p><h2>Now that the labor&nbsp;market has loosened, how can entrepreneurs retain the kind of talent they need to succeed?</h2><p dir="ltr">Communicate clearly and transparently with the team. For booming entrepreneurs, whose short-run objective is worker recruitment, I prescribe a large dose of <a href="https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/this-overlooked-character-trait-is-key-to-business-success.html" dir="ltr">humility</a>. Start with the personal sacrifices you are willing to make for the well-being of the team. A servant leader lays the foundation for the team to co-develop a plan of shared sacrifice that prioritizes the well-being of the most vulnerable team members.</p><h2>What qualities will be most valuable in the post-pandemic future when it comes to business leaders?</h2><p>There are growing fears of a K-shaped recovery--one in which workers in high-wage jobs return to post-Covid growth in wages and employment while workers earning low wages experience declining economic prospects. Business leaders play a direct role in determining whether a post-Covid economy is a more equitable economy or one with even starker inequality, particularly along racial lines.</p><h2>What's your prediction for the future of talent management?</h2><p>The best businesses will hire on the basis of a worker's skill, not academic credentials. Given the rising cost of college and the worsening economic conditions because of Covid-19, paying for college imposes a significant financial burden on most families. As more workers opt for alternative forms of training, the future of talent management will crucially rely on identifying talented workers among the more than 50 percent of the U.S. workforce who don't have a college degree.</p><div>Nov 2, 2020</div><h1>Today’s 5 Must Reads</h1><p>These are the Inc. posts you can’t miss before the day is done</p><form><button>Sign Up</button></form>

It is one of the most frustrating things to experience, but remember, you have nothing to prove.

career

Career

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

teamwork

Teamwork

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

<p><strong>Nancy: </strong>How's work going? </p>

<p><strong>You: </strong>It's good, I am working on a big project with a fast-approaching deadline right now so it's a busy time. </p>

<p><strong>Nancy: </strong>Oh, that's great to hear they're giving big responsibilities to entry-level employees. </p>

<p><strong>You: </strong>I am opening a restaurant downtown. </p>

<p><strong>Paul: </strong>That's such a great achievement for a woman. </p>

<p>Ugh. If you're not familiar with responses like this, they're called backhanded compliments. They're words that are strung together to sound like a compliment, only to deviously undermine you in the process. </p>

<p>Anything you follow up with in this conversation is guaranteed to be met with eye rolls or more backhanded compliments. So, how do you deal? How do you respond when your conversation mate can't stop being so rude? </p>

<p>Remember this: things people say are a reflection of them, not you. When Paul says it's such a great achievement for a woman, it's because he's insecure about the gender gap and still doesn't know how to deal with a go-getting woman. Don't take this comment to heart, just take a breath and know they're coming from a different place. </p>

<p>The body has a fight-or-flight mode. To smile and move on is not a flight, but a recognition this person is not worth your time. If a new acquaintance says something you don't like, you don't have to give them the time of day anymore. Excuse yourself and move on. </p>

<p>If you're in fight mode, then say something. Ask Paul what he means by, "for a woman" and if he thinks it's a great achievement for a man, too. If it feels like a good moment to teach a quick lesson about gender roles, then stand up for it. It's easy to get heated, but focus on staying calm and address the root of the problem. </p>

<p>It's a judgment call here, but remember to ultimately be the bigger person. You can't change someone's mind if they don't want it changed, so say your peace and move on. </p>

<p>When things make you upset, let it be the fuel to your fire. If Nancy thinks you're just an "entry-level" employee, then let it push you even harder to get a promotion. When people want to doubt you, let it serve as reason why you will not succumb to their negativity. </p>

Remember, you have nothing to prove. Your actions speak louder than words.

<p>You know yourself best. Although it would be tempting in this type of situation to list off all of your achievements and detail how much of a hard worker you are, let it go. You don't need to say a word. The more you say, the more they have to jab at. </p>

<p>To recover from a frustrating moment like this, acknowledge their insecurities and remind yourself you are fighting a bigger fight. What you end up doing has more significance that what you say you're going to do and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what this other person thinks or says about it. </p>

<b>Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. <a href="https://inc.com/subscribe?cid=dan905:660:s00:CTA_&utm_source=paidDisplayOn&utm_medium=edit%20article%20footer&utm_campaign=dan905:660:s00:CTA_">Subscribe here </a>for unlimited access. </b>

Why Skills, Not College Degrees, Will Drive the Post-Pandemic Labor Market

Faced with the prospect of a K-shaped recovery, business leaders hold the fate of the economy in their hands, according to Harvard economist Peter Q. Blair.

<p><em>Peter Q. Blair is on the faculty at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, where he co-directs the Project on Workforce. He also serves as a faculty research fellow of the National Bureau of Economic Research and the principal investigator of the Blair Economics Lab. In  </em><a href="https://www.inc.com/magazine/202011/renita-kalhorn/prediction-optimism-future-of-business-2020.html">Inc. </a><em><a href="https://www.inc.com/magazine/202011/renita-kalhorn/prediction-optimism-future-of-business-2020.html">'s series on the future of business </a>, he shared predictions about <a href="https://www.inc.com/marcel-schwantes/6-things-smartest-leaders-do-to-hire-keep-great-employees.html">talent management </a>. --As told to Vickie An </em> </p>

Now that the labor market has loosened, how can entrepreneurs retain the kind of talent they need to succeed?

<p>Communicate clearly and transparently with the team. For booming entrepreneurs, whose short-run objective is worker recruitment, I prescribe a large dose of <a href="https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/this-overlooked-character-trait-is-key-to-business-success.html">humility </a>. Start with the personal sacrifices you are willing to make for the well-being of the team. A servant leader lays the foundation for the team to co-develop a plan of shared sacrifice that prioritizes the well-being of the most vulnerable team members. </p>

What qualities will be most valuable in the post-pandemic future when it comes to business leaders?

<p>There are growing fears of a K-shaped recovery--one in which workers in high-wage jobs return to post-Covid growth in wages and employment while workers earning low wages experience declining economic prospects. Business leaders play a direct role in determining whether a post-Covid economy is a more equitable economy or one with even starker inequality, particularly along racial lines. </p>

What's your prediction for the future of talent management?

<p>The best businesses will hire on the basis of a worker's skill, not academic credentials. Given the rising cost of college and the worsening economic conditions because of Covid-19, paying for college imposes a significant financial burden on most families. As more workers opt for alternative forms of training, the future of talent management will crucially rely on identifying talented workers among the more than 50 percent of the U.S. workforce who don't have a college degree. </p>

<p>These are the Inc. posts you can’t miss before the day is done </p>

How to Deal With Someone Who Keeps Undermining You at Work

Keeping Your Composure At Work

Difficult Work Relationships: Acknowledge, Smile, and Move On

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

CURATED BY

Related collections

More like this