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Metacognition
Metacognition is the ability to observe and think about your own mind and how it works.
If you took a minute to observe and get curious about your anger, you might realize that behind your anger is some fear. Which means that anger, and all the behaviours that come out of it, are merely a distraction from the real issue — your fear and insecurity.
The next time you feel a strong emotion, hit the pause button. Then ask yourself: What’s going on in my mind right now?
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Self-compassion
Self-compassion means that in times of pain or suffering, you treat yourself like you would treat a good friend — in an empathetic, balanced, non-judgmental way. It doesn’t mean that you’re soft or spoiled, it just means taking a balanced view of your mistakes and failures.
I see little evidence that being hard on yourself improves either your success or happiness in the long run. If anything, people who are successful probably got there despite their lack of self-compassion, not because of it.
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Behavioural Flexibility
There’s an old saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time.
We all tend to get stuck in habitual ways of responding to stress and painful emotions. We feel bad and our default behaviours kick in, often without much awareness.
Be a scientist in your own life: observe what’s not working, formulate a new theory, test it out, and see how it works.
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Assertiveness
When you spend all your time running away from what you don’t want, there’s little time left for running toward what you do want.
The cure to a life of chronic avoidance is assertiveness.
Crafting the habit of assertiveness means learning to go after what you want with confidence and setting boundaries on what you don’t want with strength.
Let reason and values guide your decisions and trust that your feelings will follow in time.
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