Identifying the hidden dimension under the relationship fight can affect how we fight and how we move forward.

• Power and control fights: "You undermine me with the kids."/ "Because I make less money, I feel like I have to check with you before I buy anything."
• Care and closeness fights: "Why am I always the one to text or call you? "Why can't you support me when I'm anxious?"
• Respect and recognition fights: "You never acknowledge my accomplishments."/"I don't think you realize how much I do."

Someone is usually extremely angry or deeply upset because they care. But that care can be better used. It requires developing the skills and language to identify the underlying dynamics which is behind our fights.

When we together understand how these patterns came to be, we can help each other through it and create new patterns.

• "I feel something, but that doesn't mean you're necessarily doing it. I need you to hear that,"
• "Honey, I'm going to friends tonight, but was thinking we can do something special tomorrow - what do you think?"