When you're trying to work through guilt, here's what you need to do:

• Distinguish between action and self;
• Accept responsibility;
• Make amends - apologize and make reparations;
• Take a problem - solving approach - look for solutions;
• Make better choices - When you do something that you can't accept, you may find that this event becomes a catalyst for greater change. Maybe you want to become a better person or start down a new path in life.

Shame can be more troubling than guilt. It's hard for some people to separate their actions from who they are as a person. The downsides of shame:

• Decreases self-esteem - you tend to think that every negative action says something about who you are.
• Promotes unethical behavior - people who cling to shame are more likely to act poorly and hide it from others.
• Creates a sense of hopelessness - life can seem hopeless if you feel powerless to change.