Engagement can be thought of as a continuum:

• Conversations in which we’re disengaged may include avoidance, stonewalling, silent treatment, or simply being zoned out. These forms of engagement are even destructive to our relationships.
• Constructive engagement means holding active, meaningful, intimate conversations. We’re genuine and truthful, but approach topics with the hope of discovery and greater fulfillment.

We go into conversations assuming there will be a disagreement, but if we shift our assumptions, we will experience a much better interaction:

• Assume goodwill from your partner in each interaction.
• Approach interactions with understanding and a desire to learn from the other person.
• Listen to both sides of a discussion. This doesn’t mean compromising your values or letting go of your perspective.
• Think of your next discussion like an interview, rather than an opportunity to scream your opinions.