Self love is holding yourself accountable for the contributions you’ve made in the failure of your previous relationships, having regular check-ins with your heart to make sure it’s okay, and most importantly, saying no to things that don’t align with the person you want to be. People will call you selfish and picky, but I can guarantee that not being so accessible to people is what’ll open your eyes to things you don’t want, thus making it easier to avoid them altogether. In doing so, you not only avoid repeating old dysfunctional patterns, but you also avoid creating new ones that are equally bad for you.

Self-love is reminding yourself every day that love is a beautiful thing , and that because you are beautiful, you deserve it in its purest, most sincere form . Being intimate with yourself (not just in a sexual way, if that’s a thing for you) is probably the most important part in the self-love journey. Intimacy strengthens any bond created, and what better bond is there to strengthen than the one you have with your best self? It’s like getting to know someone new. You’re getting to know who you are, what you like and don’t like. Elevating your self-awareness to such a level is guaranteed to keep you from settling for an imitation or version of love that won’t build you.

Energy is everything, and when you love yourself more, you attract people who vibrate at the same frequency. A healthy love between two (or more) people is one where two (or more) people who love themselves wholly come together to share in that love with each other. There is little to no space for petty relationship BS that’s plaguing and destroying modern relationships when you and your person effortlessly yet intentionally give love as much as you’re receiving it. The love you need is not hard to find, because it begins with you.