Overcoming social anxiety by learning how to love yourself - Deepstash
How To Give And Receive Constructive Criticism

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Understanding the importance of constructive criticism

How to receive constructive criticism positively

How to use constructive criticism to improve performance

How To Give And Receive Constructive Criticism

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Introduction

Introduction

You get social anxiety when youā€™re around certain people. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why youā€™re so anxious. Now youā€™re becoming anxious about being anxious. Now youā€™re anxious about your social anxiety āž”ļø more anxiety.

youā€™re so worried about doing the right thing all the time that you become worried about how much youā€™re worrying. you feel so guilty for every mistake you make that you begin to feel guilty about how guilty youā€™re feeling.

This is ā€œthought loop of despairā€

190

1K reads

Mind Game

Mind Game

I force myself to sound confident. I go up and say hello to a few people. My voice starts out strong, but then it starts to waver. Everything I say sounds like a question. Hi? How are you? Iā€™m good? Great party?ā€¦

167

1.51K reads

Beating myself up

Beating myself up

After the party I go home and this is when I feel the worst. I start beating myself up. Cue thought loop of despair.

Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves. We pay for our mistakes thousands of times. We make a mistake, we punish ourselves. And youā€™d think that would be enough, but every time we remember, we punish ourselves again, and again. ā€“ Adapted from Don Miguel Ruiz

The anxiety I feel at the party isnā€™t even that bad. What is 10 times worse is me beating myself up after.

170

747 reads

My Unrealistic Self-image

My Unrealistic Self-image

Iā€™ve created this self image that I need to be aĀ confident, charismatic guyĀ all the time, and that if I donā€™t act confident, no one will like me.

The slight problem with this is that no one is confident all the time. And when I inevitably fail to live up to my own expectations, it causes me to question the foundations of my identity. Am I some loser who doesnā€™t know how to socialize? I hate weak people, andĀ I hate myself Ā when I am weak.Ā I am only worthy of love when I meet my own standards.

171

691 reads

We are perfect just the way we are

We are perfect just the way we are

Zen master Seng-tsan taught that ā€œtrue freedom is being without anxiety about imperfection.ā€

I gradually begin to accept that: sometimes I act awkward, other times Iā€™m confident. Thereā€™s parts of my personality that I like, parts that I donā€™t like.Ā But, at the end of the day Iā€™m human, a unique individual. And I am learning to love and accept all parts of myself.

189

700 reads

I am alive

I am alive

There is a life force that runs through all living things. Some people call it god. It is the creator, the enabler of life. God runs through us. We are life. We are god. We donā€™t need to do anything or achieve anything. We are already worthy of love. Because Love is the very essence of the life that runs through us.

The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple.

We really should stop judging ourselves

169

813 reads

Embracing Imperfection

Embracing Imperfection

Psychologist Dr Kristen Neff talks about how:

There isnā€™t anything wrong with the imperfection of life as long as we donā€™t expect it to be other than it is.

Happiness is not dependent on circumstances being exactly as we want them to be, or on ourselves being exactly as weā€™d like to be.Ā Rather, happiness stems from loving ourselves and our lives exactly as they are, knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.ā€Ā 

177

537 reads

'Anxiety' does not exist

I focus my attention on how my feelingsĀ feelĀ and where they are in my body. I allow myself to experience my nervousness fully.

I notice how the heaviness in my belly rises and lifts with my breath. I notice the tightness in my throat extending to my eyes, surrounding them with tension like a clenched fist. I stay with the feeling around my eyes. They feel a little tired, heavy.

ā€œAnxietyā€ doesnā€™t exist

It is just a word that humans make up. All that exists are physical sensations.

168

521 reads

We are perfectly imperfect

We are perfectly imperfect

If I started thinkingĀ How come Iā€™m not confident yet? Ā this will drive me to start worrying.Ā Why am I not confident yet? I need to be confident Ā and this starts the thought loop of despair.

Accept yourself and then beyourself

166

678 reads

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