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6 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships - Thrive Global

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6 Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships - Thrive Global
Do you carry a fear of vulnerability, are you afraid to lose control, or does some part of you believe that you are actually unlovable? These are actually defense mechanisms that are both working at keeping you from being in a potentially happy relationship as well as trying to protect your fragile psyche.

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Sabotaging behaviors

  • You are controlling and rigid in the way that others should treat you and are easily disappointed. 
  • You have issues with real intimacy. 
  • You tell yoursel...

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Examine your history

This goes back to your childhood. 

For example: if you’re drawn to the excitement of meeting and starting a relationship with someone who has a lack of morals, char...

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You are part of the problem

If you have a fear of abandonment and rejection and you are constantly ‘setting’ up scenarios that lead to your disappointment, you are the puppeteer controlling this. 

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Characteristics you want

Many times, we choose a partner whose basic values are totally different than ours. It is critical that what is important to your partner matches what is important to you.

Wat...

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Stop having a victim attitude

When you see yourself as the ‘poor me’ victim, your actions will confirm a negative view of yourself.

Don’t obsess about past mistakes in life. Let go of unrealistic expectat...

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Learning from a damaging relationship

Remember certain ‘destructive’ traits that your former partners had and try to make a conscious effort to choose a different type.

We should not only learn from the bad choic...

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Change your thinking patterns

  1. Have a keen awareness of your thinking patterns. When you have negative thinking you need to change it to a solution.
  2. You need to be in the business of passionately solvi...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Why You Self-Sabotage

For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.

These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as...

How You Self-Sabotage

Relationships:

  • You keep yourself isolated.
  • You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
  • You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.

Work:

  • You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
  • You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
  • You stay in a job that you hate.
  • You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.

Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior

  • Notice self-judgments.
  • Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
  • Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth. 
  • Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings
  • Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself. 

You have an eye on the exit

You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?

Because comm...

You gaslight your partner

The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real. 

For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it." 

You are known as a "serial dater"

You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle. 

You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.

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Happily Ever After

If you believe in that myth, you’re not going to take the responsibility required to create a great relationship.

You have to be ready and willing to work for your relationship. It doesn’t j...

Beliefs About Change

People can change if they want to.

Remember that change can be scary, so it's important to be loving and supportive of your partner.

Who's More Prone To Cheat

Not all men are cheaters, and believing so can make you less trusting and more paranoid of your partner.

If you want a solid bond, you have to trust your significant other and communicate if you have concerns about his fidelity.

7 more ideas