When you reject positive statements or occurrences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or another. For example, your boss praises you in front of your colleagues. When someone mentions it to you later, you say, “She said that because I was standing in front and she couldn’t avoid me.”

You see yourself as the cause of a negative event for which you probably weren’t responsible (or you weren’t the only one responsible). Self-blame for others’ misfortunes or for everyday mishaps, or relating external events to oneself when there’s no basis for it, can negatively impact your daily life and how you see yourself.

“Should,” “ought to” or “must are words of constraint and constriction; they can lead to your feeling like you have few options and too-high expectations. Expanding your sense of choice starts with changing the language you use in your self-talk.