Unconditional Parenting - Deepstash

If we're not careful, this can become our primary goal. We may find ourselves joining all those people around us who prize docility in children and value short-term obedience above all.

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Unconditional Parenting

Unconditional Parenting

by Alfie Kohn

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I realized that this is what many people in our society seem to want most from children: not that they are caring or creative or curious, but simply that they are well beha...

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There's a big difference, after all, between a child who does something because he or she believes it's the right thing to do and one who does it out of a sense of compulsion. ...

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Few qualities are so important that we'd be willing to sacrifice everything else to achieve them. Maybe it's wiser to help children strike a balance between opposing pairs ...

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Conditional Parenting

We can love our children in different ways. The book looks at one such distinction---between loving kids for what they do and loving them for who they are.

The first is

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Conditional parenting is mainly rooted in the school of thought known as behaviorism, commonly associated with the late B. F. Skinner. Here, external force...

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But unconditional parenting insists that the family ought to be a haven, a refuge, from such transactions. In particular, love from one's parents does not have to be paid for in any sen...

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Conditional parenting:

  • Focus: Behavior (what can be observed from the outside)
  • View of Human Nature: Negative (child will abuse power or behave badly)
  • View of Parental Lo...

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Power-based discipline is obviously a bad choice of parenting as it includes physical punishment like hitting or yelling. However, the love-based approach is not necessarily better if it includes l...

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There isn't a lot amount of scientific research on love withdrawal, but the few studies that exist turned up consistent findings: Children on the reveiving end tend to have lower self-esteem. They ...

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