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7 Strategies Emotionally Intelligent People Use to Keep Their Feelings Under Control

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https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/7-simple-strategies-that-will-help-you-manage-your-emotions.html

inc.com

7 Strategies Emotionally Intelligent People Use to Keep Their Feelings Under Control
Since most of the emotions you experience occur almost instinctively, you can't control how you feel in any given moment. But you can control how you react to those feelings--by focusing on your thoughts. In my new book, EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence , I compare your ability to direct your thoughts to a set of controls on a media player.

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2. Mind Your Tone

We tend to respond to people using the same tone they use to speak to us.

If you need to have an emotionally charged conversation, speak in a way that's calm and collected. And ...

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3. Mute

Sharing your opinion when others are aggravated can be counterproductive. If things get emotional, and you can’t leave, you may need to stop talking and let them express their feelings.

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4. Record

Recording is concentrated listening, with the intent to learn more about another's perspective. You're not trying to figure out how to reply; instead, you're listening to understand.

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5. Examine The Issue

Emotionally charged discussions are often rooted in deep-seated issues that will continue springing up if left alone. Carefully think about where, when, and how to reintroduce the subject, and d...

337 SAVES


6. Think Of The Consequences

Forget about how you feel in the moment. Pause, step back and think of the short-term and long-term consequences of your actions.

Doing so can help you think clearly, see the b...

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7. Slow Down

Slowing down to analyze your negative emotions can help you figure out the underlying reasons behind your feelings and lead you to potential solutions.

Ask yourself why you f...

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Pause

Pausing gives you time to stop and think before you act. Doing so can prevent you from doing things you'll later regret.

If you feel your emotions getting out of control, take a pause. If pos...

419 SAVES


Mind Your Tone

We tend to respond to people using the same tone they use to speak to us.

If you need to have an emotionally charged conversation, speak in a way that's calm and collected. And if a discussio...

330 SAVES


Mute

Sharing your opinion when others are aggravated can be counterproductive. If things get emotional, and you can’t leave, you may need to stop talking and let them express their feelings.

Breat...

304 SAVES


Record

Recording means concentrated listening, with the intent to learn more about another's perspective. You're not trying to figure out how to reply; instead, you're listening to understand.

As yo...

292 SAVES


Examine The Issue

Emotionally charged discussions are often rooted in deep-seated issues that will continue springing up if left alone. Carefully think about where, when, and how to reintroduce the subject, and do i...

234 SAVES


Think Of The Consequences

Forget about how you feel in the moment. Pause, step back and think of the short-term and long-term consequences of your actions.

Doing so can help you think clearly, see the big picture, and...

272 SAVES


Slow Down

Slowing down to analyze your negative emotions can help you figure out the underlying reasons behind your feelings and lead you to potential solutions.

Ask yourself why you feel a certain way...

255 SAVES


SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Emotions

Our emotions are an integral part of our lives.
They protect us by alerting us to danger. They add colour to our lives and help us find meaning ...

We can't really control our feelings

But we can control our reactions to those feelings.

By increasing our awareness of emotions and their effects, and then focusing on our thoughts, we can learn to manage our emotional reactions effectively.

"The Neftlix method" to control emotions

  • The pause button. Create a habit of thoughtful action. Train yourself to take a moment to stop and think before you act or speak.
  • Volume control. Train yourself to recognise when your volume is starting to go up.
  • The tuning dial. As you'd change the film or change the channel, instead of focusing on what you're going to say next, tune in to the other person and listen carefully with the goal to truly understand them.
  • Mute. Hit the mute button if the other person is in a highly emotional state because sharing your point of view won't help at that moment.
  • Record. As you stay on mute, focus on mentally recording key points they're willing to share to help you learn more about their perspective.
  • Playback. Emotionally charged discussions are often rooted in deep-seated issues. Revisit the topic once both parties have had the time to cool down.
  • Fast forward. Think about the effects your actions will have in the long run.

A Zen Parable

There was a man riding on a horse. When a man walking on the road asks him where he is going, the rider replies, “Why are you asking me? You should ask the horse.”

The ho...

Emotional Intelligence

The ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions. -Salovey and Mayer (1990)

Emotional Mastery

It manifests itself in the kind of statements we make about ourselves, in relation to our emotional skills and success.

Qualities such as confidence, awareness and optimism, come under the umbrella of emotional intelligence. 

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Great Leaders

Knowledge, smarts and vision are characteristic of a great leader. Add to these the ability to identify and monitor emotions (your own and others) and to manage relationships. 

Qual...

Self-Awareness

  • Realistic self-confidence: You recognize your own abilities and shortcomings; you operate from competence and know when to rely on someone else.
  • Emotional insight: You are aware of your own feelings. You can identify the cause of the emotions to help you manage them.

Self-Management

  • Resilience: You know how to stay calm under pressure and can recover quickly from upsets. 
  • Emotional balance: You can control any distressful feelings without blowing up at people.
  • Self-motivation: You keep moving toward long-term goals despite setbacks.

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