Self mastery is a path, an orientation one chooses to hold toward oneself and the world.It’s a commitment to never-ending improvement; it’s a process of becoming.It’s based on the realization that there are parts of us that will always try to hold us back.Our biggest naysayers aren’t “out there.” They are within us.

What is Self Mastery

Understanding our psychological resistance to growth is key to successfully moving toward self mastery and self-actualization.

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Self mastery is a path, an orientation one chooses to hold toward oneself and the world.

It’s a commitment to never-ending improvement; it’s a process of becoming.

It’s based on the realization that there are parts of us that will always try to hold us back.

Our biggest naysayers aren’t “out there.” They are within us.

Someone committed to this path of self-mastery is willing to find ways to transcend their fear and break through their resistance.

Personal mastery implies that one possesses the self-awareness necessary to identify the source of one’s resistance and the <a data-wpel-link="internal" dir="ltr" href="https://scottjeffrey.com/the-creative-process/" rel="noopener noreferrer">creativity </a>to find ways beyond it.

A common belief about self mastery is that it’s about controlling your basic impulses. This, I believe, leads many people astray.

Self mastery isn’t about controlling yourself or dominating those fearful, aggressive, and nasty parts within us.

It’s about getting to know these parts, but then transcending them.

Resolving these inner tensions, you can find wholeness and allow the natural process of development to take hold.

In <a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671732528/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0671732528&amp;linkId=35aed427e675238b78d0d81afa570993" rel="noopener noreferrer external">Tales of Power </a>, Carlos Castenanda’s teacher Don Juan explains self mastery through the path of the warrior:

A warrior must cultivate the feeling that he has everything needed for the extravagant journey that is his life. What counts for a warrior is being alive. Life in itself is sufficient, self-explanatory and complete. Therefore, one may say without being presumptuous that the experience of experiences is being alive.

<a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0140194703/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0140194703&amp;linkId=2d218c46d64a7c9d75409cc9b93b38f1" rel="noopener noreferrer external">As Mas </a><a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0140194703/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0140194703&amp;linkId=2d218c46d64a7c9d75409cc9b93b38f1" rel="noopener noreferrer external">low told </a>his group of doctoral students:

You must want to be a first-class psychologist, meaning the best, the very best you are capable of becoming. If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you’ll be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life. You will be evading your own capacities, your own possibilities.

Although many of us refuse the call to adventure, developing our innate capacities is our destiny.

Fighting this destiny brings depression and anxiety. Embracing this destiny leads to freedom and fulfillment.

We all have an <a data-wpel-link="internal" dir="ltr" href="https://scottjeffrey.com/intrinsic-motivation-examples/">intrinsic motivation </a>toward growth.

This drive toward growth is easily observable in an infant’s will to master walking, basic motor skills, and language.

But what do we observe in most adults?

In some adults, we find curious individuals who remain committed to developing their brains and bodies, forging new skills for both work and play.

We find <a data-wpel-link="internal" dir="ltr" href="https://scottjeffrey.com/characteristics-of-self-actualization/" rel="noopener noreferrer">self-actualizing people </a>in virtually every field of interest, including business professionals, artists, musicians, philosophers, painters, doctors, psychologists, athletes, and martial artists.

Many adults aren’t committed to continuous growth and development, but many of us are. We simply become consumed by life’s countless demands.

Sometimes, we give ourselves excuses to forego our developmental path. We say things like:

<ul><li>I don’t have time. </li><li>I’m too tired. </li><li>I’m just not sure what I want . </li> </ul>

But is there something else driving us away from growth, blocking our personal evolution?

In <a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1627556222/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1627556222&amp;linkId=e24c4e6a3ea48475bfa1d4cd9def6ce5" rel="noopener noreferrer external">Toward a Psychology of Being </a>, Abraham Maslow explains there are two powerful sets of forces within the human condition: a drive for growth and its opposing force, a drive for safety.

Growth propels us forward toward wholeness of Self to discover our uniqueness (what Carl Jung called the <a data-wpel-link="internal" dir="ltr" href="https://scottjeffrey.com/individuation-process-jungian-psychology/">individuation process </a>).

An opposing force leads us to defend our current self, clinging to safety out of fear of the unknown.

The force of safety keeps us where we are now, clinging to the past and afraid to take chances in order to improve our current conditions (internally and externally).

This safety seeking side is afraid of independence, freedom, and separateness—the very things our growth side is demanding.

The Delight of Growth and the Anxiety of Safety

What we focus on tends to guide the direction of our lives.

If we focus on the dangers of growth, our need for safety wins the day.

But if we minimize the dangers of our emerging uniqueness and fuller expression of the Self while enhancing our attractions toward growth, a world of new possibilities presents itself.

Maslow <a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1627556222/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1627556222&amp;linkId=e24c4e6a3ea48475bfa1d4cd9def6ce5" rel="noopener noreferrer external">points out </a>that we are confronted with an ongoing series of choices throughout life between safety and growth, dependence and independence, regression and progression, immaturity and maturity.

We grow forward when the delights of growth and anxieties of safety are greater than the anxieties of growth and the delights of safety.

There is a valid reason to fear growth. In addition to the rewards and gratifications, growth also brings pain.

Each step forward brings us into the unfamiliar, into possible danger.

Each step forward requires us to give up something familiar and satisfying.

Growth can mean a separation, a death and rebirth as well as the grief and mourning that comes with loss of the old.

We grow toward greater complexity. This means when we grow, we might have to give up something easier and simpler.

The path of growth often means taking on more demands and responsibility; it can mean a more difficult life.

Is there any wonder anyone would avoid such a path?

Does this mean we must throw aside our concern for safety in the service of our development? Absolutely not.

Safety is a more basic human need than growth. In the absence of a feeling of safety, the will to grow is not generally present.

Consider, for example, a young child clinging to her mother’s leg while she attempts to walk for the first time.

If the mother abruptly exits the room to answer the phone, the child would likely terminate her herculean effort.

Sometimes, choosing safety is wise and appropriate when it helps us to avoid more pain than we can bear in that moment.

But ultimately, we know that if we consistently choose safety over growth, in the long run, we find ourselves in a state of disappointment.

If we cling to safety for too long, we wake up one day and look back on a life that never was—an unconscious life filled with regrets and missed opportunities.

Moving in the direction of safety, we deny our unique destinies.

Indications Along the Road to Growth (and Safety)

How do you know when you’re on the road to growth?

There are numerous subjective indicators:

<ul><li>You’re more likely to experience feelings of happiness or euphoria, of a zest in living, serenity, joy, and calmness. </li><li>You feel confidence in your ability to handle the inevitable problems along the way and the stresses and anxieties that accompany them. </li> </ul>

When the force of safety dominates us, we show signs of self-betrayal and regression and we become fixed and rigid out of fear.

Here, we are consumed by a different set of emotions: anxiety, boredom, despair, inability to enjoy, aimlessness, emptiness, a lack of identity, intrinsic guilt, and intrinsic shame.

Fear and the need for safety won’t go away, nor should they. The drive for safety helps support our survival.

But courage and the need for growth are also part of what it means to be human.

In courageously walking the path of self-mastery, we can realize our true potential and live a uniquely meaningful life.

How Homeostasis Influences Our Growth and Development

We know that most people have a fear of failure. Those who do have a <a data-wpel-link="internal" dir="ltr" href="https://scottjeffrey.com/change-your-fixed-mindset/">fixed mindset </a>.

In a fixed mindset, failure can evoke emotions of shame, embarrassment, humiliation, frustration, worthlessness, and defeat. It damages an already fragile self-esteem.

But did you know that many of us fear success, too?

The reasons for this one isn’t as obvious. Success can bring a sense of achievement, internal and external rewards, and greater confidence.

It can also bring us a better quality of life and new opportunities.

So why fear success? And why do we often subconsciously self-sabotage our development?

In <a data-wpel-link="external" dir="ltr" href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0452267560/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=ceosage08-20&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0452267560&amp;linkId=059e7d3f943cb0913e59dc47f9a18677" rel="noopener noreferrer external">Mastery </a>, aikido master George Leonard offers a powerful reason: homeostasis .

We fear success for the same fundamental reason we fear failure.

Movement in either direction—up or down—means moving out of the known and into the unknown.

Our internal systems are designed to maintain homeostasis . We are biologically wired to stay in balance, to stay within what is known and comfortable.

Our bodies, brains, and behavior have built-in mechanisms to stay within a narrow range and return to equilibrium when they move outside these narrow limits.

Homeostasis refers to the body’s automatic efforts to maintain a constant, “normal” state.

In our blood stream alone, homeostasis regulates the content of water, salt, sugar, fat, protein, calcium, and oxygen.

What would happen if your blood-sugar level dropped by 10 percent? Big trouble!

All self-regulating systems have ways of maintaining homeostasis and keeping us in familiar and safe territory.

Keeping human beings in a state of homeostasis takes billions of interconnecting electrochemical signals coursing through our brains, nerve fibers, and bloodstream.

To better understand homeostasis, consider your home’s heating system. You set the temperature at, for example, 65 degrees.

When the temperature drops below 65, a signal is sent through the system to kick the heat on until the environment returns to the set temperature.

Homeostasis is a vital function in all self-regulating systems.

The challenge is that homeostasis doesn’t distinguish between “change for the better” and “change for the worse.”

Homeostasis resists all change. In a way, we each have a pre-installed biological mechanism designed to hinder our growth.

For example, let’s say a 40-year-old man named Peter has lived a sedentary lifestyle without any exercise, stretching, or movement for many years.

He knows this isn’t good for his long-term health, and he’s beginning to feel its effects.

Peter decides to go for a light jog in his neighborhood.

He’s proud of himself for taking action, but around the third block, something happens: Peter starts feeling sick and a little dizzy, with a slight sense of panic.

He feels like he’s going to die. Peter stops running and slowly walks home.

“I tried,” he tells himself. “Perhaps I’ll join the gym one day.”

The sensations Peter experienced were homeostatic alarm signals detecting measurable changes in respiration, heart rate, and metabolism. His internal systems were telling him to stop what he is doing immediately.

Remember, homeostasis is designed to maintain your current state . After years of sedentary living, a light jog throws Peter’s internal systems into high alert.

Because Peter didn’t know about homeostasis, he interpreted those signals as a threat.

Self Mastery: A Complete Guide to Actualizing Your Potential

What is Self Mastery

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