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An Adult's Guide to Social Skills, for Those Who Were Never Taught

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/23/smarter-living/adults-guide-to-social-skills.html

nytimes.com

An Adult's Guide to Social Skills, for Those Who Were Never Taught
It's a shame so few of us are taught the basics of how to interact constructively with each other. If you never were, we're here to help. Unlike topics like math or science, social skills are more of a "learn on the job" kind of skill.

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The social foundation: emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (or E.I.) is your ability to be aware of your own emotions, to recognize emotions in others and use that information to guide your behavior.

When you develop you...

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The general categories of E.I.

  • Self-awareness: Do you get anxious in loud environments? Self-awareness is knowing these things about yourself.
  • Self-regulation deals with your ability to manage y...

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Constructively confront someone

Our own fears keep us from confronting others. We fear that we'll lose something, hurt someone we care about, or that it will accomplish nothing.

  • Recognize that fear in yourself and i...

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Speak up in a group

Group conversations are loud and can seem chaotic. Don't get frustrated. Go with the flow of the conversation and look for opportunities to jump in.

When you say something, speak loudly a...

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Make (and keep) new friends

The most important aspect of developing a new friendship is to show up.

  • Decide that you're going to make friends and then put yourself in situations where you can find friends. Ta...

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Strike up a conversation

Most of us are willing to talk to a stranger. Few are eager to make the first move.

If the person seems open to a conversation and is not busy, start by saying hello or opening with a ...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Emotional intelligence

It is the ability to manage our own emotions and react to the emotions of others.

People who exhibit emotional intelligence have the less obvious skills necessary to get ahead in life,...

5 key areas of emotional intelligence

  • Self-awareness: it involves knowing your own feelings. 
  • Self-management: it involves being able to keep your emotions in check when they become disruptive.
  • Motivation, for the sake of personal joy, curiosity or the satisfaction of being productive.
  • Empathy: the skill and practice of reading the emotions of others and responding appropriately.
  • Social skills: this can include finding common ground with others, managing others in a work environment and being persuasive.

Improving self-awareness

  • Keep a journal of your emotions. At the end of every day, write down what happened to you, how you felt, and how you dealt with it. 
  • Ask for input from people who know you well about where your strengths and weaknesses lie, to gauge your perception from another’s point of view.
  • Slow down (or meditate). The next time you have an emotional reaction to something, try to pause before you react.

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The Golden Rules of Personal Finance

  • Spend less money than you earn
  • Always plan for the future: you should always look forward beyond the current month
  • Make your mon...

How To Be An Active Listener

  1. Ignore internal and external distractions (thoughts and sounds).
  2. Listen to the content of their speech and their specific wording
  3. Listen to ...

Selective Listening

Means to focus on a few key words and ignore the rest of someone's communication. 

It often manifests as one gets distracted by external stimuli like random sounds or movements, and internal stimuli such as one's own thoughts and feelings.

Active Listening

Means to fully concentrate on what is being said rather than passively absorbing it

It's not just remembering the content of what was said, but using empathy and seeking to understand the complete message, including the emotional tones conveyed. It builds rapport, understanding and trust.