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Emotional Flexibility: How to Hold *Everything* at Once

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https://medium.com/personal-growth/emotional-flexibility-how-to-hold-everything-at-once-d59de3363324

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Emotional Flexibility: How to Hold *Everything* at Once
A critical skill for trying times Life is messy. Though there may be times when everything is clicking and going well - or the reverse: times when everything seems downright awful - we almost always find ourselves somewhere in the middle. Good stuff and bad stuff, all at once.

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Emotional Roller Coaster

The modern world with all its beauty and ugliness provides a roller coaster-like emotional ride to us. These complex times keep throwing life events and news at us that demand extreme emotions, oft...

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Emotional Flexibility

Emotional flexibility is about embracing the never-ending contradictions and cultivating your mind to hold everything at the same time.

Holding happiness, joy, and enthusiasm at the sa...

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Set Happiness Goals

You control your happiness the same way you control your health, and If you can set goals for your health, you can do it for happiness.

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Make Your Bedroom A Haven

Sleep and happiness go hand in hand. Try to make your bedroom conducive to good sleep as much as possible.

Soundproof it and cut light as best as you can; that includes keeping away any gadget that will tempt you to surf the web.

Drink Tea

Theanine, which is present in green and black tea, reduces anxiety and will calm your nerves and make you happy.

So whenever you're feeling stressed because things aren't going your way, grab yourself a nice cup of tea to calm your nerves.

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Emotional clarity

It means that we have a good understanding of how we feel emotionally. 

Label your emotions

Use plain language. The more fluent you are with real emotional language, the more clearly you will be able to think about how you’re feeling.

Clarify your emotions

Get used to the idea of emotional complexity. When we feel upset, we're not feeling one single emotion. We are usually experiencing a blend of many emotions.

Training ourselves to look for and see this emotional complexity is key to better understanding ourselves when we’re upset and moving on in a healthy way.

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Having 'everything'

We think once we have a fulfilling job, we'll be happy, or once we have a loving partner or children, we'll never feel dissatisfied again.

Yet, when we have all these things, we still feel ne...

Hiding from yourself

Pretending you’re normal and trying to fit in with the innocents in your midst keeps you sad and negative.

Don't stigmatize your dissatisfaction or restlessness. Don't scold yourself for your feelings, but make more space for them. These sensations will lead you down a new path toward joy.

Converse with your negative self

Try inviting your sad and negative self to find out why you feel this way. You won’t know what you truly want until you listen patiently to yourself. If you give it time, you'll find out what you really long for.

Sometimes, it is something about the way you've structured your days that doesn't honor the potential and countless possibilities that are stretched out before you. Or something about your anxiety has caused you to build things that restrict you. Your fears will keep you inside predictable shapes.

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Emotional Intelligence: The Assumptions

Emotional Intelligence: The Assumptions

Emotional Intelligence(EQ), or the ability to be able to identify and respond to the other person’s feelings is a soft-skill based on two flawed assumptions:

  1. It is ...

The Neuroscientific View Of Emotional Intelligence

A scientific way to define and understand emotional intelligence is to view your brain as a construction, an on-the-fly builder of thoughts, emotions, and perceptions.

The reflex-like emotional reactions are just the tip of the iceberg, and the brain is constantly shape-shifting itself and processing the sensory inputs that are received into useful predictions and actions.

Emotional Granularity: Becoming An Emotional Expert

If the brain has a large, flexible range of diverse emotions in any given situation, it’s emotional intelligence is wide-ranging and finely tailored. This ability of a flexible, emotion-rich brain is called granularity.

Real emotional intelligence means understanding that sometimes feelings and emotions cannot be distilled and expressed using a predefined slot. Emotional granularity is the coming-of-age of the decades old understanding of EQ, now evolved and unfolding its many facets.

Living through emotional reactions

Even in our most mundane moments. Our emotions aren’t always overwhelming us, but they are always affecting us, coloring our perceptions and opinions about ourselves and our world.

The “fish in water” effect

Because we are immersed in our emotions’ effects every moment of our lives, we tend to talk about them only when they’re exceptionally strong.

Emotions work like spectacles

It's a huge help to know which lens you’re seeing the world through, at any given moment. When we can identify the most prominent emotion right now, we’re less likely to project that emotion’s characteristics on the situation itself, or on the world at large.

Self-created struggles

See life as it is, without all the ideals and fantasies you’ve been preoccupied with.

The vast majority of our struggles are self-created, and we can choose to overcome them in an instant.

Fearing judgment from others

We fear the judgments of others, even though their judgments about us are rarely valid or significant.

Tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality because people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own lives that have absolutely nothing to do with us.

Past experiences

In many ways, our past experiences have conditioned us to believe that we are less capable than we are.

We need to learn from the past, but also to be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed.

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Life Is Cyclical

Life can be described in just three words: Up and Down. We mistakenly expect life to be consistently Up.

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The Ongoing Cycles Surrounding Us

Everywhere around us, whether it's stock markets, the weather, and life in general, we are constantly subjected to ongoing cycles.

  • In Businesses, it helps to know the state of the industry, the number of years in business, product acceptance, and current trends.

  • In careers, we can be aware of our network strength, experience, emerging innovations, and skill relevance.

  • With regards to our energy, we can be aware of how we are feeling, what is our current lifestyle, our food intake, and the current season.

Use Cycles to Make Your Decisions

Understanding that we are in a cycle helps us make better decisions.

As nothing in life is static, with change being the only consistent attribute, we must respect the cyclic nature of everything, and if we are aware where we are in the up and down motion, we can make better decisions.

Get Back to Being Happy

Our brain is tricky, and there are subtle ways to get it to be less depressed or anxious. If we are constantly feeling guilty, shameful or even worry a lot, the brain wants to continue that activit...

Label Those Culprits

If there is a negative emotion, like anger, sadness, or stress, keeping it vague makes it affect everything around you.

If you name or label the emotion and use a symbolic metaphor to describe it, then its negative effect is diluted.

Decide and Take Action

If you are constantly worried and anxious while making no decision on your problem, you will remain in a state of turmoil internally.

Taking a decision, even if it is not a perfect one, will provide closure to your mind and you will feel less stressed.

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Don’t Rely On Your Memory

If you want to remember things, don't rely on your memory. Put it in writing or in a digital notebook.

Make Back-Ups Of Everything

  • Make sure to back up your computer files.
  • Make duplicates for your car and home keys.
  • Scan your IDs, passports and bank details, and put it all in a secured folder on your computer.

Keep all your financial records, birth certificates, land titles and insurance in one folder, preferably in a safe.

Have a designated place for everything

  • Sort out your clothes, cleaning materials and everything else and keep them in labeled containers or closets at home. 
  • Organize your work space well so that your every move is conserved, knowing exactly where everything is.

Doing this will take time, but it is easier to find what you need.

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Emotions

They are basal responses that begin in the subcortical areas of the brain responsible for producing biochemical reactions to environmental stimuli that have a direct impact on our physical state.&n...

Feelings

Feelings are preceded by emotions and tend to be our reactions to them. Emotions are a more generalized experience across humans, but feelings are more subjective and influenced by our personal experiences and interpretations, thus they are harder to measure.

Negative Emotions

They can be defined as unpleasant or unhappy emotions evoked in individuals to express a negative effect towards something.

Although some are labeled negative, all emotions are normal to the human experience. And it’s important to understand when and why negative emotions might arise, and develop positive behaviors to address them.

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