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How To Avoid Toxic People: 5 Simple Secrets That Will Make You Happier - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

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https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2018/12/how-to-avoid-toxic-people/

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How To Avoid Toxic People: 5 Simple Secrets That Will Make You Happier - Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. *** We all know a few people that treat causing grief like it's a career.

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People that cause grief

People that cause grief

We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.

We can learn enough to recognize i...

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High-conflict people (HCP)

  1. Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attentio...

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Behavior Patterns Of HCP

Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.

  1. Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems ...

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Words To Look For

Each type gives clues if you pay attention:

  • Narcissistic HCPs: Words that indicate arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy.
  • Borderline HCPs:

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Emotions To Look For

  • Extreme emotions are signs of possible trouble: extreme charm, extreme love, extreme anger.
  • Someone that carefully controls their emotions until they lose it, then the...

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How you will most likely feel

  • With Narcissistic HCPs: You may feel stupid or inadequate. You may feel in awe and flattered that the person is spending time with you. 
  • With Borderline...

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Method for handling HCPs

If you are in a situation where you cannot avoid a high conflict person, use the 4-step CARS method.

  • Connect with empathy, attention, and respect. With narcissi...

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Never trigger the deepest fear

  • Narcissistic HCPs fear disrespect. They act in such a way that people inevitably lose respect for them.
  • Borderline HCPs fear abandonment. They are ...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Common errors when reading people

  • Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests. 
  • Not looking for clusters: It’s a consisten...

Trusting your instincts

Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.

You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly. 

Reading first impressions

  • Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
  • We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
  • If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds. 
  • Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.

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Narcissists

They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).

They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the sho...

Don't deal with them

Narcissists lack empathy, they usually don’t work hard, and in a few weeks to a few months, they make the people around them miserable. And narcissism is very hard to change. So, if at all possible, just stay away.

Kiss Up Or Shut Up

Clinical psychologist Al Bernstein recommends you kiss up to them or at least keep your mouth shut until you can get out of there.

There’s this concept called “narcissistic injury.” Pointing out a narcissist isn’t all they think they are can be like pulling the pin on a grenade. A grenade you have to see every day of your life.

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Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Listen to your thoughts — but don’t necessarily believe them.

They're suggestions, possibilities. But they’re not gospel. You can’t control what thoughts pop up, but y...

Identifying Unhelpful Thoughts

  • Black and White Thinking: There are heaping piles of nuance to most things.
  • Unrealistic Expectations: Cynicism is bad, but a little skepticism is essential.
  • Selective Attention: If your brain is always looking for the negative, you’re gonna find it.
  • Disqualifying the Positive: Sometimes we go into problem-solving mode and focus only on what is broken.
  • Predicting the Future: “This will never work” or “They’re going to think I’m stupid.” You don’t know the future. So don’t act like it.
  • “Should” thoughts: It’s usually just an insistence that the world bends to your will and is a great way to amplify frustration.

Do More Stuff

Doing little positive things is better for happiness than occasionally bagging an elephant:

  • Enjoyable stuff
  • Achievement stuff: Defeat your goals in single combat and feel like a conquering hero
  • Meaningful stuff: Do volunteer work or just help someone
  • Physical stuff: Exercise. Not only keeps you alive, but it’s like miracle grow for your brain
  • Social stuff.

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