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How to Forgive but Not Forget | Mark Manson

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How to Forgive but Not Forget | Mark Manson
Frank then went home, loaded his guns into his truck, and drove around town looking for targets. He passed a Chevron station. Outside, a man with a long beard and turban named Balbir Singh Sodhi was planting flowers in front of the gas station he managed.

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness is choosing to not let negative events of the past define how you feel.

Forgiveness can keep your emotional body healthy. It increases feelings of happiness and decreases ...

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Forgiving is not the same as forgetting

You can forgive someone and still maintain a boundary. They may not even necessarily know you forgave them.

When you hold onto anger towards yourself or others, it weighs you down,...

804 SAVES


Living in the past

Resentment forces you to live in the past by fixing that person to that past moment.

Do not let yourself or the relationship be defined by anger. The ability to forgive and move o...

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Separate the action from the person

Separate the action from the person

We all can succumb to behaviors that are not reflective of who we really are.
Separating the action from the person is crucial to find some closure.

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Understand people's motivation

Most people who appear to take some pleasure in hurting you have some pain in their own lives. Most feel justified in what they are doing; otherwise, they would do something else.

Wha...

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Empathize

Forgiveness is ultimately a form of empathy - it is taking whatever pain motivated the person and imagine that you have that same pain yourself. 

If forgiveness is the ability to...

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Mark your boundaries

Once you've empathized with the person and decided they are also just human, ask yourself what role you want them to have in your life.

  • Set rules. Define which behaviors you will an...

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Eliminate Emotional Attachment

Let go of the emotional attachment that you've developed. Let the hatred and anger dissolve, let the thoughts of revenge and misfortune die.

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How to Forgive Yourself

We all do things in our lives that we regret, and then we hold on to shame and guilt. The process to forgive yourself is the same:

  • Separate the action from yourself.

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Our inner 'demons'

Our inner Demons, or inner voices, make us do irrational, stupid and selfish things, based out of fear.

We hide and distract ourselves from our inner voice, which is nothing but our fear and ...

Our common negative parts

Some of our common 'demons' are:

  • Procrastination
  • Laziness
  • Self-loathing
  • Comparing yourself with your peers, leading to envy
  • Loser mentality.

The downward spiral

Our inner demons lead us to negatively judge ourselves, further leading to avoiding that judgment, and eventually starting the internal self-destruction, if the negative downward spiral is left unchecked.

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Forgiveness

By forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it.

This can be a gradual process—and it doesn't necessarily include the person ...

Why forgiveness is so hard

  • You're filled with thoughts of retribution or revenge
  • You enjoy feeling superior
  • You don't know how to resolve the situation
  • You're addicted to the adrenaline that anger provides
  • You self-identify as a "victim"
  • You're afraid that by forgiving you have to re-connect—or lose your connection.

When you desire to forgive

If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts.

  • Think about the incident that angered you. Accept that it happened, how you felt about it and how it made you react.
  • Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. What did it make you learn about yourself, or about your needs and boundaries?
  • Think about the other person. When you were hurt, the other person was trying to have a need met. What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?
  • Decide if you want to tell the other person that you have forgiven him or her.

Depressing News

We are living in strange, moralistic and masochistic times, with massive problems that need to be confronted, daily.

Keeping oneself entangled in the daily news coverage only adds to our depr...

Protect Your Brain

We need to protect our brain from negativity, hatred, and racism that we see all around us.

The outside world and its many twisted problems, shown to us 24/7 aren't helping us or our family in any positive way.

Forgiveness

Our daily lives are filled with ugliness, and forgiveness is the key to survival in this age.

Instead of trying to fix everything, just remain calm, forgive and move on. This is one of the surest ways to get your happiness back.