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Learn to Argue Productively

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/smarter-living/learn-to-argue-productively.html

nytimes.com

Learn to Argue Productively
Arguments don't have to be heated, explosive moments. As long as everyone's in good faith, everyone can learn from one another. "In order for someone to have better disagreement with you, there has to be this sense that you're working with the same material," Buster Benson, author of Why Are We Yelling: The Art of Productive Disagreement, said.

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The Realms Of An Argument

There are three different realms of an argument:

  • Head-based arguments are about the truth, based on facts and verifiable information.
  • Heart-based arguments are about...

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Cognitive Dissonance

Pay close attention to what ‘spikes’ up your emotions, those triggers that are felt when someone challenges you, or provides you with information that is new to you or does not align with your real...

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Ask Questions And Listen

When you're having an argument, there are two different views involved, and maybe two different realities. Instead of making it a black and white, right or wrong argument, try to ask genuine questi...

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Summarize What You Understand

Summarize What You Understand

Other people may have blind spots and one way to make them understand what you understand is to say to them, ‘So, As I understand, what you are saying is essentially this’ and summarize thei...

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After The Fire

You cannot win a persistent argument while being in that fight due to heightened emotions and a high chance of stepping in a verbal minefield. Better to discuss it later when you are in a different...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Disagreement Is The New Reality

The ability to have productive disagreements is a superpower.

But disagreement or an argument usually has toxicity associated with it, with judgment, self-protection and a sense of con...

Aligning the Argument

In a disagreement, often certain crucial information isn't available or isn't clearly understood by either person. We need to ask ourselves if:

  • The argument is about something that can be verified.
  • If it matters to you (meaningful).
  • If it is useful.
Then we need to make sure that the other person aligns and comes on the same page.

    Anxiety Spikes

    Anxiety spikes happen when something triggers us during an argument, usually when what that we care about feels threatened.

    We need to be aware of these spikes to guide us into the emotional aspect of the argument, rather than only focusing on information.

    6 more ideas

    Disagreement is healthy

    It is essential for success. It’s the hallmark of an engaged and involved team member. And it opens the way for testing and improving new ideas.

    It should also be treated as a chance t...

    The art of disagreement

    Mastering the art of considerate disagreement means expressing your beliefs without shutting down the discussion or angering the other side.

    For this to happen, you have to listen more, be willing to change your perspective on disagreement and learn to better your arguments.

    Ed Catmull

    Ed Catmull

    “You are not your idea, and if you identify too closely with your ideas, you will take offense when they are challenged.”

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    Seek to understand

    People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.

    When you come to an understanding t...

    Look beyond your own triggers

    Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.

    Look for similarities, not differences

    Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.

    4 more ideas