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Seven Destructive Habits that Kill Solid Communication

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https://lifehacker.com/seven-destructive-habits-that-kill-solid-communication-1735315546

lifehacker.com

Seven Destructive Habits that Kill Solid Communication
Your partner drops the ball and forgets to pay rent on time. You're hit with a late fee. The practical thing to do? Come up with a solution so it doesn't happen again. But you're angry, so instead, you criticize your partner, and a fight erupts.

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Pointless Criticism

In the context of poor communication, criticizing is when you knock someone down for the wrong reasons: to hurt someone, to vent your frustrations or to boost your ego.

It’s easy enoug...

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Blaming

When you blame someone, you take any responsibility off of yourself and put it on them. 

It’s understandable that you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. But some...

358 SAVES


Ineffective Complaining

Complaining is exhausting because it puts pressure on the other person. 

Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow “fix” the problem or else ...

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Why People Complain

  • Venting: Complaining to release strong emotions
  • The Active Effective Complaint: The complainer makes a specific complaint addressed at the person responsible, in order to...

392 SAVES


Nagging

It is persistently bothering someone to do something you want them to do. 

By definition, it’s a communication breakdown and very unproductive.

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Breaking the pattern of nagging

Learn to compromise and empathize:

  • Focus on encouragement, not judgment
  • Focus on the effort instead of the outcome
  • Express your feelings rather than criticize

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Threatening

When we threaten someone, we become a source of fear and control. That doesn’t exactly lend itself to great communication.

Instead of threatening, open up about why your request is imp...

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Punishing

It’s about controlling someone’s behavior through negative reinforcement

It it often used in relation to discipline. But punishment comes from a place of control and retaliation...

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Bribing

It’s focused on control. Often used in relation to rewards. But with a reward, you’re communicating a desirable behavior is. With bribery, you really don’t care if your message gets through, you ju...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Criticizing or Listening

Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views? 

Try listening and giving your par...

Blaming vs. Supporting

When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear? 

Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.

Complaining or Encouraging

If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader? 

Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.

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“Micro quotas”

In the process of finding a balance between your desire to dream big and your day-to-day activities, create macro quotas.

These refer to the minimum amounts of work that...

Behavior chains

Creating new habits that stick is easier if we make use of our current routines, instead of trying to fight them.

Use "if-then planning": choose a regular part of your schedule and then build another “link in the chain” by adding a new habit. For example: "If it is lunch time, then I will only eat meat and vegetables.”

Simplify decision-making

Making repeated choices depletes our mental energy, even if these choices are mundane and pleasant.

If you want to maintain long term discipline, aim for fewer decisions during the day: identify the aspects of your life that you consider mundane and then ‘routinize’ those aspects as much as possible.

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Active listening

Is a technique for developing our ability to listen, to make a conscious effort to understand what people are really saying.

As a communication technique, it is used in many prof...

Core components of Active Listening

  • Comprehending: To communicate, we must first understand what the other person (or people) are actually saying.
  • Retaining: To respond in an appropriate manner, we must understand and retain what the other person has said.
  • Responding: An active response should show that we understand what the other person has said, have paid attention to their words and also read their non-verbal cues.

Improving Active Listening skills

  • Educate yourself on common cognitive biases and shortcuts;
  • Avoid trying to respond immediately. Allow the other person time to finish speaking, then provide a considered response;
  • Minimize conversational narcissism by keeping track of your use of pronouns(I, me);
  • Seek to develop a clear picture of the other person’s logic;