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Stop Trying to Change Yourself

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https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-change-yourself

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Stop Trying to Change Yourself
Trying to change yourself-that is, who you are-will inevitably lead you to fail and feel hopeless. But if you instead focus on changing your actions without worrying about how it changes you as a person, real change becomes much simpler.

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There is no such a thing as a "gym person"

There are just people who go to the gym.

Similarly, there’s no such thing as a “productive person.” There are just people who do productive things fairly often.

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Keep your “self” out of your decisions

Think of your life as a long sequence of actions and decisions.

Just ask yourself, “Is this a good thing to do?” If the answer is Yes, go do it.

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... and building better habits is your identity.

Each action you perform is driven by the belief that it is possible. So if you change your identity (the type of person that you believe that you are), then it’s easier to change your actions.

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If you have to remind someone that they owe you one, chances are they don’t feel as if they do. Reminding them that they owe you a favor both makes the other person feel as if you’re trying to control them and it makes the other person feel as if you’re keeping a scorecard, and that’s fundamentally bad for relationships.

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