deepstash

Beta

The Lost Art Of Apologizing (And How To Do It Right Every Time)

Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-24481/the-lost-art-of-apologizing-and-how-to-do-it-right-every-time.html

mindbodygreen.com

The Lost Art Of Apologizing (And How To Do It Right Every Time)
We've all been hurt by other people. You've also hurt people yourself. Whether the transgression was accidental or intentional, it hurts. Sometimes a loss of trust like this is temporary and can be healed. Other times, it leaves long-term scars, discord, and irreparable damage that ultimately ends the relationship.

9

Key Ideas

Save all ideas

Be sincere

The only time to apologize is when you’re genuinely remorseful. 

Avoid any apology that is forced. The person you are apologizing to will pick up on your ...

318 SAVES


Be honest and vulnerable

In order to show your sincerity when apologizing, you must be honest and vulnerable. That can lead to the cultivation of meaningful relationships. It can also lead to re...

324 SAVES


Admit fault

Take responsibility for your actions and admit your mistakes or transgressions. State them out loud. Yes, it will be scary. It will feel shameful for a time. But it i...

327 SAVES


Explain why you did it

... and the reasons it was wrong.

This is not to be confused with offering excuses fo...

306 SAVES


Use “I” statements

Take care to avoid blaming others for your mistakes. Use statements that are about you rather than others involved, by starting your sentences with “I.” 

317 SAVES


Say “I’m sorry”

Have you ever had someone attempt to apologize to you who never actually said, “I’m sorry”? If so, you know how infuriating that can be. 

An effective apology alway...

308 SAVES


Make amends

The person receiving the apology will want to know how you plan to make things right again in order for them to start rebuilding trust and moving forward.

331 SAVES


Avoid pushing

... the other person toward forgiveness.

Now that your part is done, the only thing l...

315 SAVES


Apologizing does not make you weaker

By recognizing and acknowledging your faults and attempting to make amends to the injured party, you are taking the high road. This demonstrates your strength, coura...

314 SAVES


SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

A Long, Hard Look in the Mirror

Apologies bring us face-to-face with the fact that we have something to apologize for, triggering a sense of guilt and shame. 

Saying sorry puts one’s shameful beha...

The Chance to Move Forward

When people focus on their core values, they seem to become more willing to sincerely apologize. 

By understanding the many barriers to an apology— the indifference to another’s pain or the fraying of a relationship—we can glimpse what’s holding us back from saying “I’m sorry” in a particular situation. 

From there, we have the opportunity to change course and let the healing begin.

How to Make a Good Apology

A high-quality apology has three elements:

  1. It accepts responsibility for the wrong and doesn’t even hint that outside forces, or the victim, caused the offender to do what they did.
  2. It’s unqualified. If the apology contains a “but,” it fails. There’s time later—after the injury has had time to heal—to bring up any qualifications that might be relevant to future interactions.
  3. It offers to make amends to avoid the transgression in the future.

An apology

An apology is one of the most profound interactions two human beings can have with one another.

Research by Lazare and others suggests effective apologies—meaning those that are accepted by ...

Timing

When people make the common mistake of saying they’re sorry too quickly, they can miss a crucial step towards reconciliation.

If someone commits a serious transgression, it’s best to apologize only after the victim has had a chance to “yell and vent” and fully process the betrayal.

Apologies that come too late, like those that come too early, are likely to fail; the sweet spot is somewhere between the two.

Assuring the victim

Assure the victim that the bad behavior won’t happen again.

You should be more focused on the other person, making sure they really believe that you get what you did wrong. Without that emphasis on the other person’s emotional state—and the promise of change—an apology sounds insincere.

one more idea

Apologies are not about right and wrong

They're about taking responsibility for unintentionally (or even intentionally) hurting someone emotionally or physically.

You apologize less because of you and your c...