deepstash

Beta

The Psychology of Romantic Love

Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-psychology-of-romantic-love/

psychcentral.com

The Psychology of Romantic Love
Psychology plays a role, too. Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we're attracted to. Experiences, both positive and negative, impact our choices and make someone appear more or less attractive. For example, we might find commonality attractive, but avoid someone who cheated on an ex if that has happened to us before.

6

Key Ideas

Save all ideas

Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

703 SAVES


Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

656 SAVES


The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlo...

741 SAVES


The Ordeal Stage of Romantic Love

As romance and idealization fade, we enter the ordeal stage.  We learn more things about our partner that displease us and discover habits and flaws we dislike and attit...

798 SAVES


The Real Deal

Getting to real love requires self-esteem, courage, acceptance, and assertiveness skills. It requires the ability to honestly speak up about our needs and wants, to share feelings, compromise...

775 SAVES


Steps to Make Love Last

  1. Know yourself, your needs, wants, and limits.
  2. Take time to learn who the person you are dating really is and how you both resolve conflict.
  3. Be honest about who you are and what...

1150 SAVES


SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

You Have A Boundary Issue If…

  • you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their own gain.
  • you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the ...

Personal Boundaries

Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT blaming others.

People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.

Poor Boundaries 

People who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as a victim, eventually someone will come to save them.

People who take the blame for other people’s emotions and actions are always looking to save someone.

Predictably, these two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, yet completely fail to meet each other's true need to feel loved. The real solution would be for both to take responsibility for their own problems.

2 more ideas

You have an eye on the exit

You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?

Because comm...

You gaslight your partner

The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real. 

For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it." 

You are known as a "serial dater"

You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle. 

You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.

5 more ideas

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style

  • People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
  • They are comfortable being alone and independent.
  • They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
  • They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style

  • They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
  • They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
  • They have trouble being alone or single.
  • They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • They have trouble trusting people.
  • Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

6 more ideas