deepstash

Beta

The Secret Life of Anger | Nick Wignall

Deepstash brings you key ideas from the most inspiring articles like this one:

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

https://nickwignall.com/secret-life-of-anger/

nickwignall.com

The Secret Life of Anger | Nick Wignall
We can all think back on times when anger lead us to poor decisions, regrettable behavior, or hurt feelings. But for some of us, anger leads to far greater consequences-from strained relationships and job loss to chronic stress and legal trouble.

9

Key Ideas

Save all ideas

Dealing with your anger

Anger leads us to poor decisions, regrettable behavior, or hurt feelings. However, some anger leads to more significant consequences, like strained relationships or legal trouble.

The key to ...

287 SAVES


Anger ≠ aggression

Anger is an emotion, while aggression is a behavior. They differ entirely in one central dimension - control.

  • You can't control your emotions directly. In the legal syst...

329 SAVES


Expressing anger

While you can't control your emotions of anger directly, you have control over your aggression, which is a decision to express your anger.

Aggression does not only involve acts of violence...

291 SAVES


Controlling your aggression

Most people assume they should manage their anger, but trying to control their anger only makes it stronger. When they fail:

  • they will feel angry and disappointed with ...

258 SAVES


Trying to control your anger

This actually makes it harder to control your aggression.

The solution is to turn the relationship around. Acknowledge and accept your anger for what it is. Then, direct your efforts at contr...

236 SAVES


Expressing anger

"You have to express your anger to release it" is a myth. Research shows that expressing your anger only makes it stronger. Turning away from it by doing nothing or distracting yourself lead...

292 SAVES


Anger as an emotion

It is misleading to think of anger as a negative emotion. A hot pan on the stove isn’t bad or negative just because it leads to you feeling pain when you accidentally rest your thumb on it....

239 SAVES


Anger feels good

  • Anger makes you feel morally superior. Every time you criticize someone, the implication is that you're better. He’s such an idiot… (but I’m pretty smart).
  • A...

297 SAVES


The Flavors of Anger

  • Impatience. We become impatient when we have a specific timeline in mind for something, and others disregard that timeline. 
  • Passive-aggressive communication.&n...

320 SAVES


SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Anger and Aggression

  • Anger: An emotion felt when we believe we have been wronged.
  • Aggression: is an act of expression of the anger, by our words our actions. Aggression can be insults, sarcas...

Validation and Boundaries

  • We can try and validate the anger felt by an individual by making them know that their anger is maybe justified while putting firm but respectful boundaries on their aggression.
  • We then need to be clear about what type of aggression we are willing to tolerate, setting boundaries on the unacceptable.
  • We may have to put our foot down and be ready to leave the conversation or escalate the issue, without falling into the trap of guilt and emotion.
  • If possible, we need to restart the conversation when things have cooled down, and diffuse the issue in a calm way.

Avoiding Speculative Self-Talk

Unchecked self-talk can easily turn into self-delusion. The stories we create almost always make you look like the good guy and cannot be termed as objective.

  • The way to get out of this speculative self-delusion is to avoid any speculation about other people's anger, at least initially.
  • Make sure to note down the facts of the situation. This can make the story less according to your gut instinct, and more towards the objective reality.

one more idea

Dealing with Anger According to Context

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

But that said, telli...

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

The Harms Of Holding Anger

13 more ideas

Controlling your emotions

The ability to recognize, own, and shape your own emotions is the master skill for deepening intimacy with loved ones, magnifying influence in the workplace, and amplifying our ability to turn idea...

Own the emotion

You can’t change an emotion you don’t own.

Accept responsibility for its existence.  Because an external event always precedes your experience of an emotion, it’s easy to assume that the event caused it. But as long as you believe it was externally caused, you are going to be a victim to your emotions.

Name the story

Emotions are the result of both what happens, and of the story you tell yourself about what happened.

  • A victim story: it absolves you of your responsibility for what happened.
  • A villain story: it exaggerates the faults of others and makes them responsible for what happened.
  • A helpless story: it convinces you that any course of action is pointless.

2 more ideas