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Why ‘care’ and the ‘scare’ are inseparable when you love someone

Why ‘care’ and the ‘scare’ are inseparable when you love someone

https://aeon.co/essays/why-care-and-the-scare-are-inseparable-when-you-love-someone

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Love sets the stage

Love sets the stage

When a loving mother holds the newborn baby in her arms for the first time, she intuitively knows to care for the child. A relationship is formed, a bond created. The child will emerge in abilities...

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The neurobiology of bonding

The neurobiology of affiliation is the new scientific field that describes the neural, endocrine, and behavioral systems sustaining our capacity to love. There are three factors in...

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Oxytocin and attachment

Oxytocin - a large molecule produced by neurons in the hypothalamus - is known for coordinating bonding, sociality, and group living. Oxytocin targets mainly the amygdala, a center...

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Oxytocin integrally involved

Oxytocin pair bonds, group sharing, and consoling behavior, and is also very sensitive to danger. It protects against threats based on the nuances of social behavior. Oxytocin activates the alarm s...

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The affiliative brain

It is the brain structures that enable mothers to care for their offspring.

  • Mammalian mothering is underpinned by the oxytocin-amygdala-dopamine triangle. The oxytocin-producing hypo...

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The neural network is insufficient

The neural network is not enough to transmit the knowledge, linguistic competencies, social cognition, executive functions, and mental abstractions we obtained. Humans have additional higher-order ...

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Synchrony is not a system

It is a process and it describes the coordinated action in the service of the group’s survival and resilience. Social cohesion makes ants so resilient. By coordinating behavior, the strength of...

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A solution to the human condition

Human love can react automatically to the smallest sign of danger and cause endless cycles of aggression and destruction. There are three types of solutions based on the work of great thinkers. Eac...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Vulnerable Time for Kids

A child's pre-teen and teen years are a high-emotion transitory period. This is due to shifting classmates, social pressure, multiple classrooms and a period of many 'firsts'.

Deep Friendships

A study on sixth-graders revealed that friendship is crucial and real for kids, and can be as deep as a parental relationship.

Most parents and teachers do not understand the importance of deep bonding among friends at school and tend to regard friendships as a distraction or a nuisance.

Social Isolation and Bullying

Social isolation is the dark side of the school, in which many kids with no friends are at risk of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. There is a perceived sense of threat with being friendless, and the young, immature mind can deeply internalize the resulting difficulties, leading to depression.

Bullying at this age is also a major problem, with those who are socially isolated becoming the most vulnerable to being bullied.

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Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

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The need to survive

The need to survive

When faced with dangerous situations that can actually put an end to our life, we tend to panic and, therefore, want to run. This is quite normal, taking into account the fact that our amygdala...

Choosing to flight

Dealing with difficult situations can make your life so much harder that at some point you might just decide to give up on your dreams and ambitions. However, it is exactly this behavior that leads to you eventually failing.

Choosing to run from responsibilities and challenges means choosing to stay always in your comfort zone, a fact that guarantees you no success whatsoever.

Keep fighting with your outcome in mind

Whenever you feel stressed or overwhelmed, just imagine a positive outcome to your challenging current situation. Soon enough, if you keep fighting for that outcome, it will become true.

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