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Why is it so hard to forgive an ex?

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https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200608-why-is-it-so-hard-to-forgive-an-ex

bbc.com

Why is it so hard to forgive an ex?
Break-ups are never easy, but why do some people fight to win an ex back while others run a mile? The temptation to rekindle an old flame is deeply rooted in our psychology.

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Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.

Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be dee...

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The Protest Phase

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Reject...

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Chemical Reactions

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. ...

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Attachment Theory

  • Secure attachment is caused by healthy emotional communication.
  • Lovers who are anxious and insecure tend to have low self-esteem.
  • Avoidance of attachment is done by lover...

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Nostalgia And Loneliness

They play an important part in moving towards forgiveness. A bad present relationship (or lack of it) makes the lover remember the good times with the ‘known devil’, with feelings of loss and grief...

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Life After Breakup

Post-relationship relations are a thing, with the ex doing all kinds of things like ghosting, orbiting, benching and zombieing their past lovers. Social media makes breakups visible, so an...

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Millennials the Gen Zs

They take the breakup game seriously, and are vulnerable to anxiety, depression and even suicide, due to a lack of understanding of life and the public nature of their relationships.

The sm...

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The No-Contact Rule

  • One of the popular ways to move on in a relationship is to not contact the person for 30,60 or 90 days, even forever, to help mend a broken heart.
  • Social media posts of the ex are ...

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Falling in love

To us, being loved in a relationship is perhaps the highest ideal. It gives our lives meaning and purpose. Being loved validates our sense of self-esteem and soothes our fears of loneliness.

Whom We Find Attractive

Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, positive and negative life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. 

The Ideal Stage of Romance

There is an amount of healthy idealization that helps us fall in love.

However, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept disrespectful or abusive behavior. A lack of a support system or loneliness might also blind us to potential faults.

It is far better to first deal with these concerns before entering into a relationship.

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Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style

  • People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
  • They are comfortable being alone and independent.
  • They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
  • They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style

  • They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
  • They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
  • They have trouble being alone or single.
  • They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • They have trouble trusting people.
  • Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

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Fear of abandonment

Fear of abandonment can come from childhood loss or neglect as a child, especially if it is more emotional.

Brain development is the process of creating, strengthening, and discarding connec...

Inability to commit to your partner

Studies showed that the experiences as a baby within the first three years of life lay the foundation for how the brain is wired well into adulthood.

However, it is possible to "re-learn" things as adults and change the framework of our brains this way. If you are committed to your partner but fear the "label," consider how you view attachment, dedication, and loyalty in relationships.

Entitlement

Entitlement is an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and treatment by others. It is a selfish quality.

People act entitled in relationships because they are overcompensating for never getting what they want or are comfortable in always getting what they want.

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