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Why It Doesn't Pay to Be a People-Pleaser - Mindful

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Why It Doesn't Pay to Be a People-Pleaser - Mindful
People ask me all the time what the secret to happiness is. "If you had to pick just one thing," they wonder, "what would be the most important thing for leading a happy life?" Ten years ago, I would have told you a regular gratitude practice was the most important thing-and while that is still my favorite instant happiness booster, my answer has changed.

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Living with integrity

It's far better to be yourself and risk having people not like you than to suffer the stress and tension that comes from pretending to be someone you’re not, or professing to like something that yo...

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People pleasing

It's the process of trying to guess what other people want and what will make them like us, and then acting accordingly.

It's actually a way of manipulating people's perceptions o...

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We're not that good at pretending

We don’t actually fool anyone when we're trying to look happy, but our real feelings are far from positive.

Our expressions expose us and are registered and mirrored by other people. So tryin...

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We find it harder to focus

The act of pretending translates into a big conscious effort of willpower that drains your brain of its ability to focus and do deep work.

Self-control is like a muscle, and like ...

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Happy Happy People

Happiness is not a goal or something to pursue at a later time. Emotional health is a skill to be mastered, not a destination to eventually arrive at.

And being happy is being linked to an active lifestyle, a better diet, better sleep, better weight management, lower stress levels, an improved immune system, and increased life expectancy.

Analyze and Identify

Get perspective and clarity on which area of your life you have to focus on. Start by analyzing, examining and identifying the problem areas:

  • Fun and Recreation
  • Physical Environment
  • Career
  • Finances
  • Personal Growth
  • Romance
  • Family and Friends
  • Health

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Think of Yourself Less

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.  - CS Lewis

Self-esteem that is bound to external success can lead to small spurts of happiness but is no...

Be Busy, but Not Rushed

Research shows that feeling “rushed” is a one-way street to stress and unhappiness. Too much boredom can be burdensome. 

To find a balance, learn to say "no" to opportunities that do not excite you.

Be Proactive About Your Relationships

Do:

  • Check-in regularly with good friends (around 2 weeks for very close friends).
  • Celebrate the good things in their life; let them know through active and constructive listening. 
  • Studies show people love hearing themselves talk and talking about themselves, so let them.

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Daily choices

Each day, we make the same choice hundreds of times: whether to lie or tell the truth.

And we ignore the profound impact these seemingly inconsequential decisions have on our brain and our life.

Little Lies Can Cost You Money

[Researches Argo and Shiv] found that 85% of diners in restaurants admitted to telling white lies when their dining experiences were unsatisfactory (i.e., claiming all was well when it wasn't). The real interesting finding was that diners who told white lies to cover up their dissatisfactions were then likely to leave bigger tips than those who did not. 

Lies Tax Your Brain, Cause Stress and Harm Your Body

Consider the polygraph machine. It doesn't actually detect lies, specifically, but rather the signs of stress that accompany telling them. 

According to a study, those who were instructed on how to lie less reported improvements in their relationships, less trouble sleeping, less tension, fewer headaches, and fewer sore throats.

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