Vulnerability and confirmation bias

Without genuine vulnerability, it’s impossible to build the types of relationships that can provide comfort and help us through life's hard times.

The risk of vulnerability may be high, but the rewards of positive, healthy relationships are even higher.

We are vulnerable to viruses and accidents, misunderstandings and pain caused by our fears.

Meaningful social connections sustain us and lessen our overall weakness. When we are able to admit to our vulnerabilities, we free up energy because we no longer have to put effort into maintaining our buffers. 

A state of relative comfort created a steady level of performance. In order to maximize performance, a state of relative anxiety is needed—a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. This space is called "Optimal Anxiety," and it's just outside our comfort zone. 

Too much anxiety and we're too stressed to be productive, and our performance drops off sharply.

• Your comfort zone is neither a good or bad thing. It's a natural state that most people trend towards. 
• Leaving it means increased risk and anxiety, which can have positive and negative results.
• Don't demonize your comfort zone as something holding you back. We all need that head-space where we're least anxious and stressed so we can process the benefits we get when we leave it.

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

• Use the body scan technique to check in with each part of your body.
• Breathe into your abdomen, and let the air puff out your stomach and chest three times.
• Put on your favorite upbeat record and dance.
• Stretch your body.
• Run, walk or go up and down the stairs for a few minutes.
• Pick two healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and rotate for the week.
• Look lovingly and without judgment at your naked self in the mirror.
• Sit somewhere green, and be quiet for a few minutes.
• Get fifteen minutes of sun. (Use sunscreen if appropriate.)
• Do something that will give you a good laugh.
• Take a quick nap. A few dozen minutes can reduce your sleep debt and freshen you up.

• Document the great things people say about you to read later.
• Finish something that’s been on your to-do list for ages.
• Change the way you make decisions. 
• Mix up your routine in small ways to create new neural pathways in the brain and keep it healthy.
• Pay complete attention to something you usually do on autopilot.
• Schedule in five minutes of “play” several times throughout your day.
• Create a deliberate habit, and routinize something small in your life by doing it, in the same way, each day.
• Fix a small annoyance at home that’s been nagging you.
• Do mini-meditations with one minute of awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
• Get out of your comfort zone, even if it’s just a little.

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominant modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.

Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions.

When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.            

Streamline your workflow so you can get simple things done without significant willpower.

For example, instead of having a container for pens and scissors in only one room of the house, have these in three different rooms to ensure better tidying.

Strategies like these save time and, more importantly, help free you up mentally.

1. Don’t bottle up your emotions, become self-aware and explore your emotions.  Find an outlet such as writing, meditation, or talking to a friend.
2. Vulnerability takes courage.  The gifts we unlock by being willing to be vulnerable far outweigh the difficulty in doing so.
3. Show up, face fear, and move forward. Because fear and criticism will always be there in some form, the best course of action is always to show up anyway and move forward.
4. Seek excellence, not perfection.  Focus on realizing excellence, the best version of yourself despite your flaws.
5. Dare to be yourself – in your strengths, skills, and beauty as well as your flaws and insecurities. In doing so, you can realize your true strength of spirit.

Remind yourself how awesome you are with affirmations. Write down affirmations that remind you of your capabilities and strengths and keep them somewhere you can find them if nerves strike.

Another suggestion is to keep a file of praise, awards, and other evidence of how good you are at your job an read them when you are struggling with a confidence crisis.

Take a moment to really analyze what you’re feeling and strategize for that.

Can you reframe negative feelings, like fear, into something more positive, like anticipation? If not, remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous before a high-stakes situation. 

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.