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Why Vulnerability Is So Important

Partner up with a friend

Partner up with a friend

You can encourage yourself to do more vulnerable things by finding a friend who embraces discomfort.

Maybe it’s a networking thing, or karaoke, or surf lessons. Whatever the activity, having a friend by your side makes an uncomfortable thing a little less anxiety-inducing so you can get the most out of it.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Why Vulnerability Is So Important

Why Vulnerability Is So Important

https://lifehacker.com/why-vulnerability-is-so-important-1788460017

lifehacker.com

5

Key Ideas

Vulnerability and confirmation bias

Vulnerability challenges your confirmation bias.

It is uncomfortable to ask questions, express your opinion, or open up about your emotions with people. You expose yourself to their criticism and judgment, but you also expose yourself to answers and opposing views. And this is a lot more beneficial than stagnating in the comfort of what you already know.

Breaking out of your comfort zone

Breaking out of your comfort zone makes you feel vulnerable, but that feeling works in your favor because it improves your performance and boosts your growth. A  constant state of comfort equals steady performance.

Too much anxiety, however, will make you too stressed to be productive. 

Set realistic goals to hedge your anxiety

In most cases, once you do something scary, you realize it’s not as bad as you thought—it was just the anticipation that frightened you more than anything.

Setting a goal can help you get past that anticipation and feel in control of your vulnerability.

Partner up with a friend

You can encourage yourself to do more vulnerable things by finding a friend who embraces discomfort.

Maybe it’s a networking thing, or karaoke, or surf lessons. Whatever the activity, having a friend by your side makes an uncomfortable thing a little less anxiety-inducing so you can get the most out of it.

Mindfulness practices

  • Mindfulness meditation: just set a timer for five minutes to sit and breathe.
  • Reminders: set reminders to focus on different activities: to take breaks, to refocus on work, etc.
  • Journaling: use it to get your thoughts out of your head and on paper, where you can sort them out. 

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The Science of Your "Comfort Zone"

Your comfort zone is a behavioral space where your activities and behaviors fit a routine and pattern that minimizes stress and risk. That provides a state of mental security. 

Yo...

Optimal Anxiety

A state of relative comfort created a steady level of performance. In order to maximize performance, a state of relative anxiety is needed—a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. This space is called "Optimal Anxiety," and it's just outside our comfort zone. 

Too much anxiety and we're too stressed to be productive, and our performance drops off sharply.

Making Sense Of Your Comfort Zone
  • Your comfort zone is neither a good or bad thing. It's a natural state that most people trend towards. 
  • Leaving it means increased risk and anxiety, which can have positive and negative results.
  • Don't demonize your comfort zone as something holding you back. We all need that head-space where we're least anxious and stressed so we can process the benefits we get when we leave it.

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Self-Care Ideas For The Soul
  • Help someone.
  • Write out your thoughts. Then let them go as you burn or bin the paper.
  • Hang out with people who emit enthusiasm and positivity.
Self-Care Ideas For The Body
  • Use the body scan technique to check in with each part of your body.
  • Breathe into your abdomen, and let the air puff out your stomach and chest three times.
  • Put on your favorite upbeat record and dance.
  • Stretch your body.
  • Run, walk or go up and down the stairs for a few minutes.
  • Pick two healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and rotate for the week.
  • Look lovingly and without judgment at your naked self in the mirror.
  • Sit somewhere green, and be quiet for a few minutes.
  • Get fifteen minutes of sun. (Use sunscreen if appropriate.)
  • Do something that will give you a good laugh.
  • Take a quick nap. A few dozen minutes can reduce your sleep debt and freshen you up.
Self-Care Ideas For The Mind
  • Document the great things people say about you to read later.
  • Finish something that’s been on your to-do list for ages.
  • Change the way you make decisions. 
  • Mix up your routine in small ways to create new neural pathways in the brain and keep it healthy.
  • Pay complete attention to something you usually do on autopilot.
  • Schedule in five minutes of “play” several times throughout your day.
  • Create a deliberate habit, and routinize something small in your life by doing it, in the same way, each day.
  • Fix a small annoyance at home that’s been nagging you.
  • Do mini-meditations with one minute of awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
  • Get out of your comfort zone, even if it’s just a little.

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Being vulnerable expands your world
Being vulnerable expands your world
  • Vulnerability is so much easier when you love yourself. You'll be less afraid of rejection, you step right into that place of openness.
  • Vulnerability takes practice.&nbs...
Rekindling Of An Old Flame
Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.

Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be dee...

The Protest Phase

When people experience breakups they go through the ‘protest’ phase initially, and the rejected lover becomes obsessed with winning back the person who has quit the relationship.

Rejection, paradoxically, makes the rejected person love the partner even more. This is called a ‘Frustration Attraction’, and can be categorized as an addiction.

Chemical Reactions

The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.

Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.

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Sabotaging yourself

Sabotaging yourself and your relationships create unnecessary pain and self-generated stress.

To stop sabotaging yourself, you must first recognize when you’re getting in your own way....

Know your typical thinking patterns

Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominant modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.

Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions.

When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.            

Prioritize one-time behaviors that reduce stress

Streamline your workflow so you can get simple things done without significant willpower.

For example, instead of having a container for pens and scissors in only one room of the house, have these in three different rooms to ensure better tidying.

Strategies like these save time and, more importantly, help free you up mentally.

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Trick your brain into calm
  • Become aware of your safety and breathing. Your fight or flight response may be in overdrive. 
  • Take note of five things you can see, four things you can hear, three ...
Using affirmations

Remind yourself how awesome you are with affirmations. Write down affirmations that remind you of your capabilities and strengths and keep them somewhere you can find them if nerves strike.

Another suggestion is to keep a file of praise, awards, and other evidence of how good you are at your job an read them when you are struggling with a confidence crisis.

Get clear about your feelings

Take a moment to really analyze what you’re feeling and strategize for that.

Can you reframe negative feelings, like fear, into something more positive, like anticipation? If not, remind yourself that it’s perfectly normal to be nervous before a high-stakes situation. 

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Brené Brown

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulne..."

Brené Brown
Life-altering lessons
  1. Don’t bottle up your emotions, become self-aware and explore your emotions.  Find an outlet such as writing, meditation, or talking to a friend.
  2. Vulnerability takes courage.  The gifts we unlock by being willing to be vulnerable far outweigh the difficulty in doing so.
  3. Show up, face fear, and move forward. Because fear and criticism will always be there in some form, the best course of action is always to show up anyway and move forward.
  4. Seek excellence, not perfection.  Focus on realizing excellence, the best version of yourself despite your flaws.
  5. Dare to be yourself – in your strengths, skills, and beauty as well as your flaws and insecurities. In doing so, you can realize your true strength of spirit.
The secret to a successful relationship

Research shows that vulnerability is the quality that makes a relationship last.

Vulne...

Why we fear vulnerability

We are afraid we will be rejected if someone finds out who we really are.

When someone is inauthentic, we naturally know they are "fake" people.

Research suggests sticking to the truth improves relationships and may help us overcome negative emotions faster.

Exhausting icebreakers

Now with our social life in quarantine, calling a friend on a whim feels normal.

“How are you holding up?” Or, “How is quarantine treating you?” Or, “You guys ready to kill each other ye...

How you can stay social

Instead of triggering more anxiety by rehashing your quarantine situations, think about what you can do to make your friends feel good and how to be there for them from a distance.

Tell them they matter to you and that you miss them. Then keep the conversation focused on things that make you both feel good.

Conversation suggestions
  • What’s something that made you smile or laugh this week?
  • What was the highlight of your day or week?
  • What have you been watching recently?
  • Have you read any good books or articles?
  • What’s your favorite podcast right now?
  • What have you been enjoying about working from home?
  • What have you been cooking?
  • Have you ordered out from any good restaurants lately?
  • What is making you feel most productive right now?
  • What is making you feel most at peace right now?
  • Have you found any fun ways to be creative?
  • What’s the most absurd thing you’ve seen on social media recently?
  • Where are you finding a sense of purpose right now?
  • What hobbies are you leaning into?
  • What are you doing to relax?

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Emotional Regulation

It means having the skills to control your behavior, emotions and thoughts in the pursuit of long-term goals.

Emotional regulation skills enable us to live a healthy and well-bala...

Applying The Power Of Choice

You have to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.

This will empower you to work with the challenges that you face in your life: you'll have clarity, focus and a purpose.

The STOPP Technique

... to control your emotions:

  • S – Stop
  • T – Take A Breath
  • O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
  • P- Pull Back – put in some perspective – what is the bigger picture?
  • P – Practice What Works – Proceed – what is the best thing to do right now?

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