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Is Vulnerability a Choice?

Vulnerability increases resilience

Without genuine vulnerability, it’s impossible to build the types of relationships that can provide comfort and help us through life's hard times.

The risk of vulnerability may be high, but the rewards of positive, healthy relationships are even higher.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Is Vulnerability a Choice?

Is Vulnerability a Choice?

https://fs.blog/2020/01/vulnerability/

fs.blog

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Key Ideas

Vulnerability

It is the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

We don't like to be vulnerable because we can more easily get hurt. But we want to have a quality life, and that includes having good relationships with people we trust and love.

Vulnerability increases resilience

Without genuine vulnerability, it’s impossible to build the types of relationships that can provide comfort and help us through life's hard times.

The risk of vulnerability may be high, but the rewards of positive, healthy relationships are even higher.

Vulnerability is a part of life

We are vulnerable to viruses and accidents, misunderstandings and pain caused by our fears.

Meaningful social connections sustain us and lessen our overall weakness. When we are able to admit to our vulnerabilities, we free up energy because we no longer have to put effort into maintaining our buffers. 

Vulnerability can serve as a litmus test

When you share your vulnerability with someone, and that person cares about your vulnerability, that is the person to go with. 

By risking getting hurt, we often find we create more meaningful interactions that increase our ability to be resilient. 

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Brené Brown

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Being vulnerable
Vulnerability is a double-edged sword. Those who protect themselves to avoid getting hurt, fail to appreciate intimacy and close relationships.

Everyone is vulnerable, no matter how much they try to avoid it. We are born vulnerable and stay that way for our entire childhood. Our relationship with vulnerability is something we are acquainted with, yet abandon as we merge into adulthood.

Vulnerability = courage
Vulnerability is an act of courage because you merge with your authentic self, instead of hiding behind a facade to appease others.

To embrace vulnerability as your greatest strength, you will need to become aware of your pain points. The paintings of Rembrandt are no less beautiful because of its flaws. It is upon examining it up close that you recognise the defects, while ignoring the complete picture.

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Being vulnerable expands your world
Being vulnerable expands your world
  • Vulnerability is so much easier when you love yourself. You'll be less afraid of rejection, you step right into that place of openness.
  • Vulnerability takes practice.&nbs...
What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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Let yourself be vulnerable
Let yourself be vulnerable
  • Accept you're worthy. You can go far if you yourself believe you deserve positive results.
  • Fight your tricky tendencies by knowing what they are. Knowing your s...
Getting To The Root Of Your Reluctance

If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.

Work Out Your Feelings First

Before you talk to your partner about something difficult, find the right words to express it first. Until you can verbalize it, it remains unknown to you and to your partner.

If you do not feel safe enough to talk through these issues, consider journaling, or talking with a counsellor until you are clear about how you are feeling.

Open Up In Small Steps

When you decide to open up, start by taking small steps to test the waters first.

The more you practice and see that you can do it, the easier it will get for you to open up.

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Kyle Cease

“Distractions are by-products of a problem. Something outside of you is pulling you away from yourself or a goal.”..."

Kyle Cease
Temptations and Interruptions

Distractions can be either:

  • Temptations: When we take a break from work to check social media
  • Interruptions: When we get annoyed or repeated emails disrupting our workflow.

While we can deal with these external problems, what can be more challenging is our internal urge to be distracted.

Covering Our Fears

Distractions are a way to mask what we are fearful of. Fear is a deception that comes from looking at something you’ve never done. It’s simply how your brain works — it believes anything could be death and everything you’ve already done has proven itself to be safe. Embracing fear makes it lose the grip on us.

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Understand your attachment style

We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can becom...

Identify your triggers

Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?

Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.

Be mindful of your behavior

Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.

It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.

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Defensiveness and toxic shame
Defensiveness and toxic shame

Toxic shame is an emotion that most of us get to know throughout our lifetime: deep inside, we feel that we have failed ourselves or the others.

The actual issue, when...

Obsessed with perfection

Anybody who is obsessed with the idea of being perfect will most probably end up having a major frustration. To put it simply, making mistakes is just natural for us, humans.

On the other, even though feeling ashamed for what you have done is quite upsetting, not taking responsibility or pretending to be someone you are not is way worse.

Shame and apologies

When making a mistake, some individuals find it extremely difficult to admit and apologize. This often leads to misunderstandings and even more tense relationships.

On the contrary, self-confident people will freely admit whenever they have made a mistake or have been wrong about something, as self development is possible only by acknowledging our own weaknesses.

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See Relationships Like A Therapist

Relationships nowadays are regularly in the doldrums, with certain factors that tend to ruin them. These same factors can be ‘reverse-engineered’ to help us strengthen and improve these relations.

Validate, Not Solve

When someone talks about their problems, we are jumping in the problem-solving mode straight away. While dealing with people, this approach can backfire. A better approach is to just listen and validate their struggles, make them feel heard and understood.

Actions Have Underlying Functions

Many times, the external appearance of behaviour isn’t the full story and has underlying functions. It is just a symptom and not the problem.

Example: When a teenager is mad for no reason, it helps to understand the underlying problems they usually have in this age, and be compassionate.

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Emotional Regulation

It means having the skills to control your behavior, emotions and thoughts in the pursuit of long-term goals.

Emotional regulation skills enable us to live a healthy and well-bala...

Applying The Power Of Choice

You have to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.

This will empower you to work with the challenges that you face in your life: you'll have clarity, focus and a purpose.

The STOPP Technique

... to control your emotions:

  • S – Stop
  • T – Take A Breath
  • O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
  • P- Pull Back – put in some perspective – what is the bigger picture?
  • P – Practice What Works – Proceed – what is the best thing to do right now?

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