Emotional Intelligence ≠ "Being Nice" - Deepstash

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What People (Still) Get Wrong About Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence ≠ "Being Nice"

Emotional Intelligence ≠ "Being Nice"

Many of us believe that having emotional intelligence means being “nice.” But this belief conceals some fundamental benefits to developing one’s EI.

For example, simply saying someone is nice can belie the fact that they’re only nice to some people and not others. Niceness is also interpreted as someone who tries to avoid confrontations and is thus easily manipulable.

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Emotional Intelligence( EQ/EI)

Is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.

Benefits of a higher EQ
  • Ease in forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships and in ‘fitting in’ to group situations.
  • A better understanding one's own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.
IQ and EQ

There is no correlation between IQ and EQ scores.

IQ has no connection with how people understand and deal with their emotions and the emotions of others (EQ). 

You simply can’t predict emotional intelligence based on how smart someone is.

The 5 components of EI

  1. Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
  2. Self-Regulation: it frees us from being prisoners of our feelings.
  3. Motivation: having an ...
There are 3 types of empathy
  • Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
  • Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
  • Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”

Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence

It's the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emotions.

Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Emotional Intelligence (EI)

EI means the mastery of emotional competencies. 

That includes self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

Questions to Measure EI in interviews
  • How do you establish trust? An environment with trust promotes higher working engagement
  • If you worked for your top competitor, how would you beat yourself?  This question could show the candidate's ability to put the good of the organization ahead their own pride.
  • Can you use a belief statement to explain the value of what we offer? Ask a belief statement that gets at the heart of what an organization or team offers.