“… if people can change how they mentally... - Deepstash

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“… if people can change how they mentally represent a stimulus, they can exert self-control and escape from being victims of the hot stimuli that have come to control their behavior."

Walter Mischel 

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MORE IDEAS FROM THE SAME ARTICLE

Scientific evidence suggests that when someone goes off on you, simply thinking: “It’s not about me. They must be having a bad day,” can soothe anger

Shifting your beliefs about a situation makes your brain calm down the amygdala,...

Venting your anger intensifies emotion. Meanwhile, sharing this feeling constructively or distracting yourself are good ideas.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

Suppressing your feelings uses our limited supply of willpower, meaning you’re more likely to do things you regret after you’re angry.

Meanwhile, neither sadness nor neutral arousal results in destructive risk-taking.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

But that said, telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usual...

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

Telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go. 

  1. Suppress rarely. You’ll feel worse inside and hurt the relationship.
  2. Don’t vent. It increases anger. Distract yourself, instead.
  3. Reappraisal is often the best option. Think: “It’s not about me. The...

Suppressing feelings works but it makes them stronger. When you suppress, your ability to experience positive feelings decreases while your stress soars as the amygdala (a part of the brain associated with emotions) starts working overtime.

Distracting yourself allocates your brain’s limited resources on something else, leaving it less power to dwell on the bad.

Research suggests cognitive and emotional tasks use the same limited mental resources, so engaging in a cognitive activity, things that require thinking impa...

When you get angry and you think “people are out to get you” you are reappraising, too. You’re telling yourself a story that’s even worse than reality. And your anger soars. So don’t do that.

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Reappraising Conversations

Imagining a conversation as a game you are to score as many points as you can. 

6: Shared feeling/experience (that’s when acquaintances become friends)
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legitimacy
4: Pursuit of the topic
3: Acknowledgment
2: Implicit recognition (but changing the topic...

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Mindfulness

It involves paying attention to something while letting go of judgments and assumptions. Don’t try to change it. Instead, be open to the experience, regardless of whether you like or dislike it. 

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Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

Listen to your thoughts — but don’t necessarily believe them.

They're suggestions, possibilities. But they’re not gospel. You can’t control what thoughts pop up, but you can decide what is helpful and choose not to give the unhelpful thoughts any more attention than they ...

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