109 STASHED IDEAS
Whenever we realize that the conversation is going downhill, it is important to ask ourselves these questions:
We must remember to act according to our deeper values instead of blindly reacting to situations and always ask the other person to do the same.
This is the behavior that makes it difficult to stay positive around negative people. It's where we tend to overreact negatively to normal situations due to stress, exhaustion, or an emotional disorder.
Just as how we offend other people because we feel offended and both sides of the dynamic think that they're merely reacting to the other. It happens in any relationship, familial or social.
This is the extreme form of emotional reactivity. What happens is that:
Emotional reactivity spreads as quickly as lightning due to the salience of negative emotions and their vast contagion.
Negative emotions like anger and anxiety are processed much quicker than rational judgment. We are filled with confirmation bias that makes us overlook contradicting evidence.
Most of the thought process during this behavior is about justifying what we're feeling rather than testing the reality of its perceptual influence.
When you speak off-script, you may worry that you will go off on a tangent.
But getting straight to the point and sticking with it comes down to knowing your message. When you are sure of your message, you can change your words without ever losing the thread.
All humans partake in gossip in some form. Everyone talks about other people. One study found that male participants spent 55% of conversation time and female participants 67% conversation time on socially relevant topics.
People like to think of gossip as the same as malicious rumours, but researchers define gossip as talking about people who aren't present.
Some types of gossip should be avoided, such as harmful gossip that serves no greater purpose.
There's also a physiological distinction between active and passive participation in gossip. A study showed that when subjects heard about another person's anti-social behaviour, their heart rates increased. When they actively gossiped about the person, it helped calm their body.
Gossip gives people the ability to spread useful information to large social networks. Without engaging in these discussions, we would be unable to maintain societies.
A 2019 meta-analysis found that of the 52 minutes a day the 467 participants spent gossiping, most of it was neutral. 15% was considered negative gossip, and 9% was positive.
The hardest part of a writer's job is sitting down to do the work. Writing happens in three phases.
Your book could have helped people, brought beauty or wisdom into the world, if only your book came to be. Or worse, you wrote a book, but nobody cared about it.
Producing a work that sells is not just about writing what you think will work. It's about finding an idea that will excite you and your audience. You have to write a book that is worthy of being sold. To maximize your chance of finishing your book, you need a proven plan.
A way to carry on a conversation is to skip over the expected response.
Ron: "How was your flight?"
Carlos: "My flight was good."
Carlos could be bold and say, "I'd be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your IQ."
Ask open-ended questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than one-word answers.
Instead of "How was your day?" try, "What did you do today?" Other open-ended questions to try:
In a situation where people are gathered together, it always involves people trying to talk to each other. In these moments, we often fall short and can't think of anything to say, or worse; we fumble through with the aim of not crashing.
However, we can soar in conversations and learn to turn small talk into big ideas.
When small talk dries up, it's often due to "mirroring." In our efforts to be polite, we answer questions directly, repeat their observations, or just agree with whatever they say.
For example, one person would say, "It's a beautiful day," and we might answer, "Yes, it's a beautiful day." Instead, we could practice the art of disruption. To move the dialogue forward, we could reply: "They say that the weather was just like this when ... happened (insert a historical or personal moment)"