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Career

66 STASHED IDEAS

It's critical to have a strong support system by your side whenever we're dealing with emotionally challenging situations.

surround yourself with friends and people who support you and encourage you, these can be family, friends, work colleagues, or even therapists.

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@griq512

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As much as possible it's best if you lessen your interaction with your gaslighting boss but during conversations try to have witnesses around and use emails or other written documentation to recap conversations and agreements.

Having a real-time record of your interactions will make it harder for your boss to question your sanity and backpedal on agreements. Moreover, seek out mentors and actively look to build networks and build relationships with different leaders.

Before confronting or escalating this issue with management, do your homework first. Have a clear game plan for what you want to achieve from that conversation.

  1. Ask trusted colleagues if they have any information or experience that would be helpful;
  2. Check out sites where employees leave reviews of their employers.

Be specific with the resources and support you need in order to execute your job and explain to your boss how this will benefit them and the organization.

Make sure that you're actually being gaslit by your boss and they're not just being jerks. Many gaslighters lie and deny things that they said - even in writing.

They project their own faults and flaws onto other people and often would insinuate that you are the incompetent one.

  • Do whatever you can in order to create distance between your mental well-being and your boss's abusive behavior.
  • If possible you can try to externalize their behavior instead of ruminating on them. The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a person, not a statement about you.
  • Focus on reaffirming your value and engage in many life-affirming activities. Remind yourself of who you are and what your values are.
Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a covert type of behavior that is adept at undermining other people's self-esteem, confidence, and sense of reality.

Its toxicity flies under the radar due to its being subtle and sneaky in nature.

There are also other ways to escape your toxic boss without having to leave your company.

Try to look into other positions in the company that are within your interests, meet with colleagues and managers in other departments, and think about where your skills might translate.

One has to be deliberate if meaningful relationships are to be developed. Paying attention and listening well is the first step to responding well. Following up in a conversation is absolutely critical. Being an active listener makes us form connections faster as our responses have value and substance.

One can be helpful and generous, provided it energizes you, and not exhausts you.

Setting boundaries is important in the workplace, and you are not obligated to be generous, vulnerable and helpful towards everyone.

Also, you are not supposed to blurt out our life story to every coworker you run into.

Your Authentic Self At The Workplace

Being yourself is generally considered the best way to cultivate meaningful work relationships, career growth and eventual success. A strong social network is developed as a result of the work relationships that develop, resulting in better job satisfaction.

However, being totally unfiltered and trusting towards your coworkers can ruin your career in weeks, so there is a middle path that needs to be undertaken.

Be human and come across as vulnerable, to form lasting connections.

Being congenial and polite in a business conversation is great, but one has to sound authentic and not simply provide lip service just to be part of the team.

Ask: What are our goals and process for this project?

Articulate each person's definition of success and vision of the path ahead. The goal is to ensure that both move in the same direction and don't work at cross purposes.

Ask: What are our individual preferred working styles and strengths?

Not understanding the differences in style can cause irritation or conflict. Understanding each other's strengths can help determine the division of labour.

Ask: When and how will we give each other feedback on our working relationship?

Establishing a process for feedback can build the relationship.

Ask: What do we need from each other to do our best work?

It is important to discuss this question if you have never met before. Understanding how you can support each other to do your best work is only possible is you are clear about your needs. If you feel like you tolerate something from your colleague, it is often an unspoken request you have yet to make.

Collaboration can be a double-edged sword

Organizations today are increasingly collaborative across interdependent teams. But collaboration can have two sides: It can lead to improved outcomes and intrinsic motivation, or it can significantly slow down decision-making and result in ongoing engagement that takes up most employees' time.

First discussing specific questions with your new colleague will enable you to work together more effectively and ensure a positive working relationship.

Ask: Who will do what, and by when?

Knowing who is responsible for what will help balance the workload, avoid duplicate work, and preempt territorial behaviour. Establishing accountability for progress on various deliverables can create greater clarity and increase the likelihood that goals will be met.

Time is precious, so it pays to hook the audience with the main idea and give them a strong reason to continue listening. Your colleagues may be already overwhelmed with deadlines and demands made by others and will appreciate your clarity and brevity.

Delivering a new idea when everyone already has multiple deadlines to meet and zero bandwidth to process anything new will not be effective. Ensure that the listeners are not mentally occupied or feeling rushed about something else while you pitch your idea.

People can recognize confidence in the voice of others, as they can infer nervousness. One can practice breathing exercises and come into the right frame of mind, while making it quieter and more focused.

Believe in yourself and it will show in your speech.

Instead of boring, dull monologues, make your speech into a conversation, with greater interaction, questions and talking points that engage the listeners.

Let people participate in what you are saying, and they will remember your words.

Be attentive of how you sit or stand, and avoid slouching, crossing your arms or looking here and there.

Use hand gestures and project a confident, positive image. You can also try to mirror the body language of the person you are talking to, to build trust.

Your volume is not as important as you think and even speaking in a relatively quiet voice has a hypnotic effect on the listener.

People also have to stop talking to be able to listen to your quiet voice, and it is a proven fact that a whisper gets more ears than a shout.

Getting Your Voice Heard

In the corporate world, employees need to communicate effectively for pitching ideas, and even to get one’s point across in meetings.

This is an art in which one has to be intentional and pay a good amount of attention to one’s communication. One cannot be a rambler or overly emotional in that kind of setting.

The lost art of listening actively and with patience is to be revived.

We all are already fighting with the voices in our heads and also to make ourselves heard, that we overlook the importance of listening carefully and attentively.

When we use words and phrases like:

  • ‘I Think..’
  • ‘This is just a suggestion/idea, but..’
  • ‘Like, you know..’...

... we end up downplaying our own ideas. We need to be more assertive and speak with conviction.

Before pitching an idea, practice in front of a mirror or record your voice to help you iron out any problems beforehand.

Take the help of a colleague and anticipate what kind of reactions and questions the listeners may have.

By speaking clearly and maintaining eye contact, we can use words to hypnotize the audience.

Even our pauses in between our words can be used to gather our thoughts and make the listeners reflect on what you have just said.

They are not commandments set in stone.

It is valuable to continue to revisit them and change them as the team grows. Scheduling a meeting at regular intervals to provide feedback on the norms keeps the positive momentum going.

Group norms are most effective when everyone follows them. If everyone agrees to the norms laid out, it will be easier to hold each other accountable.

It is important to post your norms somewhere visible and refer to them often.

It's normal to expect that these rules will be bent or broken. The transition from unspoken to written norms can be smoother when it is decided in advance how to deal with the offense.

If you don't call attention to that norm, you inadvertently create a second set of norms. If a rule is expecting everyone to be on time and you don't point out when someone oversteps that norm, you're saying that it's not that important to be on time. Peer-to-peer enforcement with some humor is an effective way to enforce the norms.

Defining group norms

Group norms are the set of informal and formal ground rules that specify how people interact. The rules help members of the group determine how to behave. Advantages of clear ground rules within teams:

  • Meetings and communication are more constructive.
  • Teammates have a shared value system and work together to achieve goals.
  • Everyone knows what is expected of them, and they live up to the expectations.
  • Conflicts can be resolved more effectively and with understanding.
  • New teammates can integrate more quickly.

When managers don't provide clear direction, employees will fill in the details with assumptions. However, what managers require may differ greatly from what the employees think their managers expect.

To avoid confusion, write down straightforward objectives and guidelines that are measurable and achievable. Then have a share-out of each person's honest opinions, so everyone has an idea of what is working and what is not. Decide on only three changes to implement at a time.

Google researchers found that the ability to take risks in a safe environment was at the top of the list of group norms and made for happier, high-performing teams.

  • Be present in conversations and use active listening skills.
  • Show understanding. Recap discussion points and validate comments verbally.
  • Be inclusive. Express gratitude for teammates, build rapport, and encourage feedback.
  • Show confidence and conviction. State your decisions clearly and allow for vulnerability.

Every team has rules, but few are intentionally crafted. This could have a negative impact. For example:

  • In a team of two, it's easy to create short back-and-forth emails. As more team members join, it becomes more complex keeping everyone in the loop. Emails may include reply-alls about weekend plans and real-time decision-making, leading to unread emails and lost information.
  • A single individual dictates the rules for the group. He may inadvertently communicate late at night that can affect an entire company.

Setting up norms is easiest when the team is first created. It may take a special meeting at the start, but it saves time and diminish problems down the road.

Shifting group norms in an established team is possible, too. Cultivate positive behavioral expectations on high-functioning teams.

Creating norms requires the buy-in from most of the team members, including leadership.

The entire team needs to be engaged in the process for it to work very well.

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