57 SAVED IDEAS
A study done by New York University researchers suggests that those who fall under the grandiose type of narcissism are not narcissists at all because their behavior resembles psychopathy and those who fall under the vulnerable type are not true narcissists because they do not seek power or dominance.
Seeking positive reinforcement is never a bad thing because we all do something to make ourselves better but when self-enhancement becomes the predominant goal in nearly all circumstances and how they resort to seeking it out may become precarious and inappropriate.
The vicious cycle of narcissism or as Pascall Wallisch likes to call maladaptive cascade has three phases:
Many narcissists don't actually realize that they are the problem because they are resistant to change.
Narcissists are people who behave in ways that many belief is driven by self-love but it isn't. Most of their behaviors are actually driven by self-hatred.
They are crippled by insecurity and shame. Their life is an attempt to regulate their image and this can manifest in behaviors like flaunting on social media, taking credit for other people's work, or even by usurping attention over brunch at the expense of someone else.
Much of narcissists' behavior comes from deep-seated insecurities and with that thought in mind, we can show compassion towards them instead of getting into a competition with them.
For narcissists to change they must be motivated to change for themselves.
A 2008 study that surveyed 5,000 flyers found that one in every 50 people said they met the love of their life on a flight.
The plane crush can serve a function - it can make flying less miserable. It can help you cope with probably the worst part of travelling.
Even the plane's design can lend itself to flirtatious imaginings. The small seats and little leg room can be oddly romantic. Researchers found that when people are in anxiety-inducing situations, they may misattribute the feeling of nerves for attraction. It makes it then not unusual to believe you could meet someone you like on a plane.
If our friendships are going to last a long time, we will have to accept that change will happen, and it won't always be comfortable.
If a friendship is feeling weird, use the concept called the "friendship triangle." The triangle base is positivity, and the two sides are consistency and vulnerability. Look at your friendship through this triangle to see what's off-balance.
Look at your friendships through the lens of TME -Time, Money, and Energy.
These are your most valuable resources. Consider how you're spending your TME and who you're giving it to. If you feel drained of these resources, you may have to change the relationship.
If you want a long-lasting friendship, you should not be afraid to ask for what you need.
If you can get in the habit of saying what you need, you can avoid resentment later on.
You will go through a lot of different versions of yourself. It can mean that a friend is only there for a certain chapter, and that's OK.
When a friendship ends, it's good to be intentional. State that you want to end the friendship and talk about what that means in practical terms.
Mourning the loss of a loved one isn't efficient or logical. It is different for each person. Grief can feel better and worse as time goes by.
We can not relegate all our heaviest grieving to specific days of the year. We will be reminded of details about the person at odd times.
Time heals physical wounds, but not mental or emotional wounds. Time reminds us of the past.
If you're still sad, that's because it's still real. They are still real. Time can change you, but it can't change them.
You may be tempted to tell the grieving to "move on."
But we do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we've lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us. Some of it gets easier, and some of it not. We are shaped by the people we love, and we are shaped by their loss.
The two worst things in a relationship are:
If people are ill-equipped to manage the anxiety when a partner doesn't want to share their feelings, they resort to crowding their partner emotionally with 'Talk to me! Tell me how you feel. Share with me.''
Offering to share with your partner is intimate. Being bullied into sharing is undercutting the very intimacy we think we're building.
Other people's emotions are theirs, not ours. Hearing them share their feelings is a privilege, not a right.
We can make ourselves available, we can encourage, we can invite, we can listen to people. But it is most important to respect boundaries and recognize that it’s their emotions — not ours.
When they finally do share, it’s because they wanted to.