Love & Family

60 STASHED IDEAS

  • Being Persistent: Try to join the local gym or yoga class, any morning or evening routine that regularly makes you be with the same people(apart from the office). The key to developing new friendships is to stay regular and persistent in the places you shop, exercise or eat. As more and more people get to see you often, you will start to get invitations for gatherings where you may make friends.
  • Social Networking: A fast-paced life makes it hard to even meet up with friends we have known for years, and many find it easier to use online dating apps like Meetup for going out and trying to have some fun with new people.
  • Breaking Barriers: Having a common language helps in breaking down the barriers to friendship. Being part of the same cultural or religious group helps to bring people together. However, one must ensure to follow the four basic rules: Accept the other, respect the differences, get into a constant learning mode, and meet new people often.
Rafael N. (@raf_kn21) - Profile Photo

@raf_kn21

Love & Family

Making Friends In A New Country

Shifting to a new country comes with a laundry list of challenges, like mastering cultural quirks, finding a decent place to live and of course, making new friends.

It is often our work life that dictates our social life (same story in most metropolitan cities across the world), but one has to venture out and try new things to develop a network of friends apart from our colleagues.

If the goal is to make new friends, being needy does not help. It is better to stay independent, fearless and confident, a quality that attracts other people naturally.

One has to move away from family, comforts and dive into a life of adventure, where uncertainty and the occasional loneliness have to be fought with.

Much of narcissists' behavior comes from deep-seated insecurities and with that thought in mind, we can show compassion towards them instead of getting into a competition with them.

For narcissists to change they must be motivated to change for themselves.

Narcissists are people who behave in ways that many belief is driven by self-love but it isn't. Most of their behaviors are actually driven by self-hatred.

They are crippled by insecurity and shame. Their life is an attempt to regulate their image and this can manifest in behaviors like flaunting on social media, taking credit for other people's work, or even by usurping attention over brunch at the expense of someone else.

The vicious cycle of narcissism or as Pascall Wallisch likes to call maladaptive cascade has three phases:

  • A vulnerable narcissist fears that they're not perceived in a certain way;
  • They self-aggrandize to alleviate that fear; then
  • Others are put off by their behavior thus putting the narcissist back to square one -- which makes this all a vicious and repetitive cycle.

Many narcissists don't actually realize that they are the problem because they are resistant to change.

Seeking positive reinforcement is never a bad thing because we all do something to make ourselves better but when self-enhancement becomes the predominant goal in nearly all circumstances and how they resort to seeking it out may become precarious and inappropriate.

  1. Vulnerable - they have low self-esteem and crave affirmation
  2. Grandiose - they have a genuinely overinflated sense of self

A study done by New York University researchers suggests that those who fall under the grandiose type of narcissism are not narcissists at all because their behavior resembles psychopathy and those who fall under the vulnerable type are not true narcissists because they do not seek power or dominance.

The plane crush can serve a function - it can make flying less miserable. It can help you cope with probably the worst part of travelling.

Even the plane's design can lend itself to flirtatious imaginings. The small seats and little leg room can be oddly romantic. Researchers found that when people are in anxiety-inducing situations, they may misattribute the feeling of nerves for attraction. It makes it then not unusual to believe you could meet someone you like on a plane.

The idea that travel is a catalyst for romance

A 2008 study that surveyed 5,000 flyers found that one in every 50 people said they met the love of their life on a flight.

  • This expectation is regularly reinforced by movies and television, where an in-flight experience changes the character's life.
  • Another is the rise of transformative travel. Vacation is sold as a form of therapy. When planning for a vacation, the anticipation of travelling is especially thrilling for singles to imagine that they may find romance along the way.

Look at your friendships through the lens of TME -Time, Money, and Energy.

These are your most valuable resources. Consider how you're spending your TME and who you're giving it to. If you feel drained of these resources, you may have to change the relationship.

You will go through a lot of different versions of yourself. It can mean that a friend is only there for a certain chapter, and that's OK.

When a friendship ends, it's good to be intentional. State that you want to end the friendship and talk about what that means in practical terms.

If you want a long-lasting friendship, you should not be afraid to ask for what you need.

If you can get in the habit of saying what you need, you can avoid resentment later on.

Friendships change

If our friendships are going to last a long time, we will have to accept that change will happen, and it won't always be comfortable.

If a friendship is feeling weird, use the concept called the "friendship triangle." The triangle base is positivity, and the two sides are consistency and vulnerability. Look at your friendship through this triangle to see what's off-balance.

You may be tempted to tell the grieving to "move on."

But we do not move on from the dead people we love or the difficult situations we've lived through. We move forward, but we carry it all with us. Some of it gets easier, and some of it not. We are shaped by the people we love, and we are shaped by their loss.

Time heals physical wounds, but not mental or emotional wounds. Time reminds us of the past.

If you're still sad, that's because it's still real. They are still real. Time can change you, but it can't change them.

Time is irrelevant to grief

Mourning the loss of a loved one isn't efficient or logical. It is different for each person. Grief can feel better and worse as time goes by.

We can not relegate all our heaviest grieving to specific days of the year. We will be reminded of details about the person at odd times.

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