You moved into that country in order to be with the person you love.
Having the occasional resentment or annoyance about uprooting your life doesn't make you a bad person, however, harboring it and keeping it all in without trying to communicate it to your partner kindly, will only lead to disaster.

Remember that you did this for you both, not just for them

It's important to keep an open mind about the whole move because the future and your feelings towards each other aren't guaranteed in stone.
Change is difficult for some people but allow yourself to settle in and let positive energy flow so that you'll be more open to adapt.

Moving abroad for love: Keep an open mind

As strange, you also have to consider how this whole moving thing will be for your partner.
You'll be too busy trying to settle and adjust for yourself that you might forget how this is affecting them.

Think about their feelings too

Every big decision you make needs to be mutual and where you both don't have any hidden feelings about it.
Disagreement on trivial things is normal but decisions about housing, cars, visa applications are things where you both need to be completely honest and willing to compromise over.

Be honest and make mutual decisions

"I moved here for you..." 
This is an age-old argument that makes relationships fall into black holes. Although there may be truth to it, keeping scores with your partner with who has done what for who will only end badly.

Don't keep score

Having to learn a new language, leave your job, your friends, and family behind is totally valid to feel frustrated over. However, you can't use this same excuse over and over again whenever a problem pops up between you and your partner.
It's completely unfair to your relationship, so it's best to communicate this with compassion.

Never harbor resentment

So, you're moving to another country! It's most likely for one of two reasons; you need a change in your life and love to travel, or you fell in love....

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

6 Rules on Moving Abroad for Love

<ul>
<li>Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation wherein a person effectively gets to distort another person's own memories in ways that benefit them.</li>
<li>People who have experienced this type of mental manipulation often have lowered self-esteem and have a heavy emotional reliance on their abuser. Being gaslit can make us feel angry and confused, often frustrated. </li>
<li>Some common gaslighting phrases are: "You're too dramatic," "You have a terrible memory," "Can you hear how irrational you sound?"</li>
</ul>

Gaslighting

There will be many people who will not have the best intentions towards you, but it is crucial that you believe in yourself. Easier said than done, but it's never impossible. 
If you struggle with gaslighting, start writing things down as a record of how you're feeling while things are happening. Be kind to yourself and remember that you always have the option to remain centered during conversations and be firm or walk away.

Supporting Yourself

Gaslighters are bold people. They blatantly lie and shift the narrative towards you and they constantly will try to minimize your feelings and experiences.
We need to put our sanity over anybody who tries to cause us harm, may it be mentally or emotionally. Here are some phrases to keep in mind:
<ul>
<li>"My feelings and reality are valid. I do not appreciate the way you're treating them as if they don't matter."</li>
<li>"I know what I saw and what I felt."</li>
<li>"I will not continue this conversation."</li>
</ul>

When Facing Gaslighters

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

What to Say When Someone Is Gaslighting You

We may be in love with somebody, but we shouldn't ignore the red flags they have. Everyone has problems, but there are some people with problems and it's inevitable we will meet someone who disrespects us, have no sense of loyalty, and cause physical and emotional abuse.
Do not let the "potential" you think you see blind you from the type of person that they truly are.

Do not forget to remove your rose-colored glasses

Being yourself, unfiltered, without worrying if your partner will judge you, is truly a blissful feeling.
When you are in a relationship with a partner that accepts you for who you are, for your entire character and traits.

When you are your most authentic self

The powerplay in your relationship isn't held by ego, rather by compassion and understanding towards what each person wants and needs.
It is important to have a say in the relationship because you're more likely to last if you can share or voice out your opinions without letting the ego get the best of you.

Sharing the power

It seems scary to put all of our trust in someone, but the partner we choose should be someone we can rely on. 
Our partners should always have our best interests in mind and will be there whenever we need them. This fosters a healthier commitment towards each other and encourages a greater sense of trust.

Trusting each other

... and who are emotionally stable. When we look for someone we want to marry and be with forever, we usually don't think about their traits however it's surprisingly simple, we all want a spouse or a wife who is: reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent.

We are drawn towards those who have agreeable personalities

The language your partner often uses includes "we," "us," and "ours" which shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness or a shared identity between the two of you.
Couples who are interconnected like this are more satisfied and committed in the relationship.

Playing as a team

Having a partner who is fully supportive of your choices to better yourself, is exhilarating. Your partner does not tell you to change but rather supports the decisions you make.
Regardless of the situation, you tackle and seek out new experiences together.

Being encouraged to be the best version of yourself

It is satisfying to be in a relationship where you and your partner have a lot in common. 
For example, if you're both homebodies and just enjoy having the presence of each other, it is a calming feeling.

Having a lot in common with your partner

Romantic relationships that value and emphasize the importance of friendship are more committed.
This kind of relationship meets the needs of each partner when it comes to caregiving, security, companionship, and offer emotional support, intimacy, and maintain a strong bond.

Valuing friendship

A relationship has to provide the space for emotional intimacy and vulnerability. 
Strong relationships need no longer put up emotional walls because you no longer worry about your partner leaving, hence a sense of stability.

Being comfortable showing your vulnerability

Many of the keys to a satisfying, lasting bond are probably already present in your relationship.

communication

Communication

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Friends provide a comforting sense of stability and bonding. A defining feature of friendship is that it's voluntary - it's a relationship of great freedom that we hold on to only because we want to.
The downside of this freedom is that the lack of formal commitment and the pressure of other commitments can cause a friendship to fall by the wayside.

Friendships are a treasure

Making more friends in adulthood will take some deliberate effort. One challenge may be to put yourself out there, as it can trigger fear of rejection.
You may engage in two types of avoidance to prevent you from making new friends.
<ol>
<li>You may practise 'overt avoidance' by not putting yourself in a situation where it's possible to meet new people.</li>
<li>You may engage in 'covert avoidance', which means you show up but don't engage with people once you are there.</li>
</ol>

Deliberately making friends

To deepen a friendship, it pays to get vulnerable. To make true friends, you have to share things about yourself. Ask people questions too so that they share about themselves.
Tell people what your passions are, how you spend your free time, what you're looking forward to, and ask them for the same. Studies found that the more people share about themselves, the more they end up liking each other.

Get vulnerable

Friendships don't just happen. We have to set aside time to regularly reach out to people, reconnect with old friendships, awaken new ones, check-in, and find time to hang out.
Don't just show up. Say 'hello when you get there. Let go of the myth that friendship happens organically. Regularly introduce yourself to other people and ask them for their phone numbers, rather than waiting passively. Then follow up and ask them to hang out.

Making friends: Initiate

One study found that volunteers who thought they were liked shared more about themselves, disagreed less, and had a more positive attitude. Other research found that, on average, strangers like us more than we realise.
These studies remind us to go into new social events assuming people will like us.

Assume that people like you

Once you've initiated some new contact, the next challenge is turning them into regular friendships.
It is easier to sign up for activities where you have multiple opportunities to connect with the same people continually. If you want to make friends, you should commit to showing up regularly. Even if you feel uncomfortable at first, don't sell yourself short. If you persist, you'll feel more comfortable and get to know people better.

Friendships: Keep showing up

The busyness of many people's adult lives can cause them to quickly lose contact with friends.
One study found that people had lost touch with about half of their closest friends over a period of seven years. What's more is that we are often losing friends faster than we can replace them. If we are not careful, we risk living out our adulthood without friends.

Busyness and the risk of becoming friendless

<ul>
<li>Find an event. Sign up for something ongoing (such as a book club or a hiking group) and commit to showing up.</li>
<li>Prepare yourself to interact. Do something to put you in a good mood. Think about the strengths you bring - if you're funny, deep, insightful, or quick-witted.</li>
<li>Open up a conversation with a stranger using the 'insight-and-question method. Share a commentary on something around you, then ask your companion's opinion of it.</li>
<li>Exchange contact information. If you meet someone you like, ask for their contact details.</li>
<li>Follow up to see if they'd be open to meeting up sometime.</li>
</ul>

Turn initial meetings into friendship

Strategies to meet new people and reconnect with old friends

books

Books

How To Make Friends As An Adult

Friendships give us so much. Be bold, take the initiative, and you’ll be surprised how many people are pleased to connect

career

Career

How to make friends as an adult

<ul>
<li>A stroll along the coast, a forest or a park is a great way to distress yourself for an hour, can be a great help in lowering the anxiety levels of you and your friend.</li>
<li>Try to listen more and also find comfortable silence in between, being in the moment and enjoying the surroundings, experiencing a synchronous sense of peace and calm.</li>
</ul>

A Walk In The Park

<ol>
<li>As we all have different ways of coping with anxiety, it is good to be clear about what your friend may want. Not everyone wants straightforward advice, some will feel better with just a chat where the pandemic or the politics behind it isn’t discussed.</li>
<li>If our friend finds a good, empathetic listener in you, their anxiety levels will drop, and could also make you feel better as a bonus.</li>
<li>It’s good to listen to yourself and what your mind and body needs. One does not have to dismiss their own anxiety in the process.</li>
</ol>

Supporting An Anxious Friend

While there is a natural tendency to ‘fix’ whatever problem the friend shares with us, it is better to simply listen, and do not offer a solution right away, unless specifically asked for.
Also, do not try to have an anxiety competition, where you start to compete with your friend on who is having more problems.

Don’t Fix The Problem

If you're not in the right frame of mind to assist a loved one with their mental health, that's OK. Here's what therapists recommend.

6 Rules on Moving Abroad for Love

What to Say When Someone Is Gaslighting You

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

It's time to
Read like a Pro.

How to make friends as an adult

CURATED BY

6 Rules on Moving Abroad for Love

What to Say When Someone Is Gaslighting You

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

It's time to Read like a Pro.

How to make friends as an adult

CURATED BY

It's time to
Read like a Pro.